Discussion Loner. Goner

[-FrozenRobot-]

I've never had close intimate relationships my entire life. No friends, no romantic partner, no accomplices or anyone.
But for the first time in life,.....for the freaking first time I connected with a girl online. Even though we were 3915 miles apart I felt good when I was with her. We used to chat occasionally and talk about random stuff. It's been one year now since I met her. I even sent her a letter which she said was nice and understood everything I wrote. I didn't know what it meant.
A few months ago I caught feelings for her but decided not to disclose em...because I was afraid she might leave me.
We're both going to university this year and I'm afraid that we'll grow apart. But sometimes I think " Am I wasting my time over her? She doesn't even care to text me once in a while".
Sometimes she says " I read your messages but I wasn't in the mood to reply and have a chat".
See...this is my life now. I don't even know what lable I must put on for my relationship with her. I feel frustrated, ass kicked, irritated and lonely than ever. If I could go back on time and changed my mind when I decided to text her, it would have reduced me a significant amount of pain.
I know that no one is going to read this whole thing but I just wanted to record my feelings somewhere safe. My parents stole my journal after my first attempt to CTB.
So yeah. I want to start life from scratch. New parents,new place and stuff. I'm sure life is worth living but... a different kind of life. Not this one. Not like this.
If you read till this by any chance, it means a lot to me. Thanks guys.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

They have tens of guys on stand-by (without downloading Tinder), no reason in getting your hopes up. Wish I could follow my own advice.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

This person is wasting your time.

 

[Cowtipper]

Just don't send them money when they start asking.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Of course I read your post, friend.

You and I suffer from the same illness. Lack of affection. Sometimes it's just like we live in a world where there are those who are the "Chosen Ones" and we are here just to fill the gap. Like NPC's.

For years I hated the concept of survival of the fittest. That would mean I am the one supposed to suffer and die lonely.

Now I just focus my energy to accept it, ctbing or not, that was the truth and I rejected all those years, but I just can't ignore anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is perfectly understandable, wanting to leave this life behind and start a new one. It does sound like she is wasting your time, due to the way she is acting. I understand this must be frustrating. I wish you well.

 

[Werewolf.]

I'm sorry to hear about that bro. I read every single word of your post. I would like to read more from you, actually.