Lonely, sad, anxious, relieved.

[Lost Magic]

Because I know that time is not on my side I have been feeling a vast array of emotions lately. Does anybody else feel that all their emotions and even dreams are more intense than before? My whole life just feels like a forgotten story now. It is so surreal to think that this year (this body and everything attached to it) I will no longer be here.

 

[W’ren]

I know that when my rope and my sn arrived in the mail i felt really surreal. Like *shit just got real* surreal.

That was November.

The past two weeks my emotions have been at a screaming frenzy- i want to go and i want to go NOW. The fact that i have all i need- it's hard to deny.

But i owe my dog- to be here for him... However it's getting harder to stay here as long as it's needed to do so with my emotions so damned volatile.

My dreams have been intense. Past events- i relive them. Nightmares. It's awful.

When i see people i love i tell them goodbye in my head. I wonder what they'd say... but i also know my pain can't be invisible- they are intentionally blind to my trials. It's easier for me to leave knowing they never really wanted to know the truth.

It feels interesting to say the least. To be walking on the edge of death- knowing i'll cross over soon enough (or sooner should things become unbearable). I'm ghosting along- flitting- dead woman walking... just an echo... as time ebbs.

 

[Natty]

I didn't feel surreal until the first time I practiced getting everything I needed setup. I had "practiced" before but never had I done it where I emulated what I was going to actually do. When I finally did that I knew, "this is it, this is how and where I am going to die" it hit me, not suddenly or hard, just the realization that things had come a long from the first time the thought had entered my head that I want to die.

 

[Trisolaris]

I feel like my life before what happened to me is a surreal dream.