Loneliness

[leopard_gec]

None of the advice meant to help loneliness actually helps me, I have friends and family but there's this "connection" that is lacking.

I don't relate to anyone, I feel like I don't belong anywhere, not even here. It's easy to say "no you do belong here" but that doesn't change anything, I'm still lonely, still no connection, still no understanding

People will respond to my vent claiming that they understand me, completely simplefying my struggles and say "you aren't alone".
They completely misunderstood what I was saying and when I tell them that, they get defensive, they will always claim that im the one seeing things from the wrong perspective, it has never crossed their minds that maybe they are the ones lacking perspective of how I expierence things.

I've never met anyone like me

 

[BurgundySnap]

Hello, leopard_gec,

I think things like connections and understanding are very complicated to experience, and even harder to try to define. Advice given on topics like loneliness can truly only help if it relates to the person being spoken to and if it comes from a place of real understanding. Sometimes advice only helps the person it was given from.

It must be so easy for someone to say that the person they are listening to is completely understood. I wonder if people who insist that truly mean it when they say it, even when they are missing a big point or the small nuances. It sounds like more people really should gain new perspectives and try to see how you see for once. If perspectives are so diverse, why not at least attempt to see yours?

Things like relating to, belonging, understanding, and connecting, to name some things from your post, can really only be defined by the person experiencing all of this. In this case, only by you. Sometimes you will be completely alone in an experience, and maybe that is okay, or maybe it is alienating. I should not speak for you, so I will not. All I know is that you have your own experience that should be considered when others talk to you.

I cannot say that I understand how you feel. I do not know you outside of this post you have made. If I said that I understood you, I would be lying because we are completely different people with our different reasonings for what we do. And I would indeed be simplifying and downplaying your experiences because I would see only what I can see of you right now. Just as, any advice I could give that you may be alright with hearing can only come from my own experiences. It is a deeply personal thing, what you feel and go through.

A question: What do you think would ever happen if you met someone like you? If you somehow found that connection and understanding?

I am very sorry if I misunderstood something. If you read this and would like to let me know, please do. I am sorry if I have crossed any boundaries or have typed too much.

I truly hope you can find what you are looking for with time, leopard_gec.

 

[leopard_gec]

Hello, leopard_gec,

I think things like connections and understanding are very complicated to experience, and even harder to try to define. Advice given on topics like loneliness can truly only help if it relates to the person being spoken to and if it comes from a place of real understanding. Sometimes advice only helps the person it was given from.

It must be so easy for someone to say that the person they are listening to is completely understood. I wonder if people who insist that truly mean it when they say it, even when they are missing a big point or the small nuances. It sounds like more people really should gain new perspectives and try to see how you see for once. If perspectives are so diverse, why not at least attempt to see yours?

Things like relating to, belonging, understanding, and connecting, to name some things from your post, can really only be defined by the person experiencing all of this. In this case, only by you. Sometimes you will be completely alone in an experience, and maybe that is okay, or maybe it is alienating. I should not speak for you, so I will not. All I know is that you have your own experience that should be considered when others talk to you.

I cannot say that I understand how you feel. I do not know you outside of this post you have made. If I said that I understood you, I would be lying because we are completely different people with our different reasonings for what we do. And I would indeed be simplifying and downplaying your experiences because I would see only what I can see of you right now. Just as, any advice I could give that you may be alright with hearing can only come from my own experiences. It is a deeply personal thing, what you feel and go through.

A question: What do you think would ever happen if you met someone like you? If you somehow found that connection and understanding?

I am very sorry if I misunderstood something. If you read this and would like to let me know, please do. I am sorry if I have crossed any boundaries or have typed too much.

I truly hope you can find what you are looking for with time, leopard_gec.

All I can say is thank you, this put tears to my eyes.

I'm not sure if it's possible to ever meet someone who 100% understands but if I did I think a lot of my issues (which stem from being lonely) would disappear, for example I've felt misunderstood so often that at times I doubt if my thoughts and expierences are even real since people seem to not be able to make sense of them and see them as unreal "it must mean that they aren't real?" (Is what I think even though I know it doesn't make sense) also I would feel horribly sorry for that person lol

 

[brainwormz]

A few short years ago I could relate to you. Maybe not to you specifically, but to the idea of not being able to relate to anybody. It sucks. I don't really know how to help you in any way, shape or form. All I can really say is that if you do find somebody you relate to, be very careful. don't throw yourself into it. Don't be subsumed by it. That's what I did and it hurt more than you can possibly imagine when because I didn't approach those relationships with extreme care I lost them.

I sincerely hope you do find somebody like that though. if it helps, I think a lot of people have a hard time finding people they can truly relate to. If you can find joy in being yourself alone, I'm told that's a very healthy place to be. of course those people say you don't need anyone, but I suspect they don't truly understand what it feels like to be truly alone.

is there any media that speaks to you that you connect with? Web comics books music? At least for me that was a good starting place.

 

[BurgundySnap]

All I can say is thank you, this put tears to my eyes.

I'm not sure if it's possible to ever meet someone who 100% understands but if I did I think a lot of my issues (which stem from being lonely) would disappear, for example I've felt misunderstood so often that at times I doubt if my thoughts and expierences are even real since people seem to not be able to make sense of them and see them as unreal "it must mean that they aren't real?" (Is what I think even though I know it doesn't make sense) also I would feel horribly sorry for that person lol

Thank you very much for even reading this response.

It might not be possible to meet someone like that, however, incredulous things are said to happen in the world all the time. Or, something like it. So unfortunately, it is a "maybe you will, maybe you won't" thing. If it ever is possible, though, I do hope that something like that could happen, if it means anything from a stranger.

That sounds crushing, for your thoughts and experiences to be seen as unreal...It really is disheartening that people have misunderstood so often. Sometimes things do make sense, in a way that in itself doesn't make sense. Maybe like, abstractions of sorts? In the sense of the mind, in the thoughts.
But it doesn't have to make sense, really. It should not be a requirement to, ideally. I honestly think people should give you a chance and should make effort to see you, leopard_gec.

 

[H.O.Xan]

 

[Tortured_empath]

Classifying loneliness is a battle in and of itself