Venting Loneliness drives me insane

[Oguzok]

I think loneliness is driving me crazy. A little context, when I was 15 my mother passed away, right on Christmas this news came from the hospital, it was pneumonia as I remember. My older brother went to live with his family, and my father has been working as a truck driver since my childhood, leaving for long shifts, previously for six months, then when my mother passed away, he was at home for a month and went to work for a month.
And so he left me again for six months.
And I've been living like this since I was 15 years old, in total I spend six months in year lone, I'm a big hikka, I only go out to go to the store and pay for bills, I have online friends but we rarely communicate.
And as you see, I'm all alone... it's so terrible... I think for these years I've been going crazy very slowly. I have been a very anxious person since childhood, like a child I am afraid of monsters in the closet and so on. But lately I've been seeing dreams more and more often where people are trying to break into my house... breaking my gate... trying to get me. This is my main fear since I live alone.. I am afraid that someone will hurt me because I am completely alone and there is no one to protect me.
More and more often, images of a sharp thing stabbing me through my nose, or me stabbing my eye with nail scissors, creep into my head... These thoughts torment me, I don't know how to get rid of them. More and more often I hear as if someone is calling me or someone else, as if someone is walking in the next room... I can't do this anymore... I don't feel safe in my own home

 

[D!psh!tMcgee]

well guess i'm not the only one who has those dreams guns help make you feel safer so do plans and security systems as for being alone have you tried finding a hiking partner? as they can be dope also take any chance to talk to others within reason like if your standing in line at the store try talking to the people around you things like good evening sir or afternoon mama can help but your still gonna need deeper human interaction so those online friends may be your only companionship until you can meet more people face to face good luck brother and don't let the dreams scare you its just your brain being a dick

 

[outrider567]

Yes, I'm lonely too

 

[filthystray]

When I was like 14 all the way up to 18 I was kept in my room pretty much 24/7. I was homeschooled so I didn't even leave for that. I had no friends and my family ignored me unless they wanted to be shitty to me. I get it, isolation can really fuck with your head, make it feel like you are going insane. It truly is unbearable.

 

[greebo6]

Loneliness is horrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I understand that loneliness is painful for so many. But anyway best wishes.

 

[notori]

I completely understand. I've struggled to maintain relationships my entire life
, and I currently have one person who I consider my friend. I've had intense agoraphobia ever since I got out of residential therapy about 5 years ago where I was mostly socially isolated, and then the pandemic hit a few months after and I was pent up for even longer and it festered to the point it became life impairing. I haven't hung out with a group of people since I graduated high school, even when I'm at work it's usually just me and one other person. Most of my time I spend studying. I long for close friendships but even going grocery shopping is hard for me. I promise you're not alone in this feeling <3

 

[Oguzok]

When I was like 14 all the way up to 18 I was kept in my room pretty much 24/7. I was homeschooled so I didn't even leave for that. I had no friends and my family ignored me unless they wanted to be shitty to me. I get it, isolation can really fuck with your head, make it feel like you are going insane. It truly is unbearable.

Dam I'm homeschooled too...In college now, I doesn't even have classmates at this point to hang out with