Help Loneliness and Uni

[Average Enthusiast]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell. Like, even the first day of uni, people already had friend groups and cliques, and despite going against my instincts and putting myself out there to meet people, I always end up like an outsider. I'm also quite far away from my family now so besides the occasional calls from my parents, I literally have no one else. I thought uni was supposed to be this "eye opening" experience where you truly discover your true self, but it feels like mentally, I've gone backwards. I am grateful to have this opportunity, obviously, and the course I'm doing is something I actually enjoy studying (Creative Writing) but It's been over a month now since the start and it has not improved whatsoever. Is this normal or am I cooked? Cuz from what I've heard from many others, they're having the times of their lives. The only time I've been genuinely happy here was when I got high, but if I need a drug to make me feel positive, then somethings wrong there.

 

[alienfreak]

Experiences vary a lot. It depends on country and institution since there are different cultures. It also depends on your age, what you want out of studying, and where you live. Many factors.

Some people put their heart and soul into what they are studying to become professionally successful and that's all they care about during that period of their lives. Some people have the time of their lives partying and socialising. Some people fall apart and drop out because it isnt right for them at that time (easily over 20% of students). There's a full spectrum and i think all of it should be seen as normal.

One month isnt long and i'm certain that it is common for people to take longer than that to find their footing and make friends etc.

 

[star.trip]

Social norms are different in each country, so it will depend on the location. Why not look for a group that suits your interests. For example, if you like soccer, join a team. That way you might be able to find a friend. Just because it's likely doesn't mean it's a sure thing. If you have trouble socializing, you can look for one where you have to talk to people and socialize. Everything in life has a price, even learning.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I've done my Bachelors in a European country and, in my opinion, the university experience I grew up seeing in American movies is far from a reality.

It felt much more like regular school tbh, just paid for and with some low quality classes, in the case of my course.

I was the only woman in the classroom. I made 1 friend because one day I got there, didn't know where my next class was and a guy saw me confused and came to talk to me. He was also from my class. I didn't know anyone else so when group projects came along I asked if he would do the project with me and that's how things progressed.

During the whole course I made 2 friends, that guy and another guy that became my boyfriend. All the other guys we would chat while waiting for classes and I played a videogame with them once but not much else. They were more like acquaintances.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, it is a daunting experience to go to university... Give it some time, keep putting yourself out there, hopefully someone nice will come along. Make good use of the group projects as they are good facilitators for this sort of thing.

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

for me, the part that makes me feel lonely as hell is that you can't really make close friends in my uni if you don't have a club or organization. and even if you're part of one, it doesn't guarantee you friends. i hate how we just accept friends drifting apart is super common and you can't do anything about it. i'm okay being alone, but even then, i do want friends to talk to and hang out with in real life...

i hope you get to have a set of close friends eventually, though!

 

[Nlis2244]

I'm in class right now, and my whole row of chairs is empty besides me. That's a good visualization of my whole experience. I had the chance to make friends right in the first few weeks, before all the groups of friends were formed, but I didn't, so I'm now alone, in year 2. I deserve that, because I didn't put much effort in socializing, but it still hurts. At least I go to uni in my own city, so I live with my parents so I'm not completely alone, but maybe it wouldve been better to rent a room with someone and maybe have a chance to make friends idk. I hope things get better for you at least.