Lockdown has shown me i am dont deserve to alive

[FireFox]

I said i will be leaving the forum for a while. I will be back on my birthday as it is the worst day of my life

I am all alone.
My family dont want to listen. I told them i was depressed in the past they didn't want to listen.
I constantly lie about being happy and help around the house . I am sick of having to explain how am feeling.
Already i am accused of making a mess i didn't make. I used to eat cement from walls i have pretty much stopped. There these shavings from the wall i have no idea how it got there.
No one believes me and everyone mad at me.

My family will be devastated if i kill myself however they will be better off without me.

No more pointless arguments and no more worrying about me.

Being in lockdown has shown me my life truly is a failure and I have nothing to live for.

All the good people dying of covid why am i alive.
Seeing people in the lockdown do massive things i feel so inferior .

I am extremely depressed and disappointed about my life this is the lowest I ever felt. I will turn 24 and have absolutely nothing to show for it.

It kills me realising my life has been nothing but a waste and a failure
The pressure has finally broken me.

I am never going to find my true place and purpose in this world..

I never going to grow and be the woman i was truly meant to be in this world

Every day is just pointless and i think maybe suicide is the best option all this time.
- i don't fit in
- i am not conventionally attractive by society standards
- i am immature for my age and behind everyone else
- achieved nothing with my life
-
I don't really want to die but seeing how awful my life has become.

 

[Ghost2211]

Lockdown has this effect on a lot of people. It puts us in a state of isolation and inactivity. Without socializing and purpose people become increasingly more depressed and reclusive. Every time it seems like lockdown is going to and it just happens again. I'm sorry you're struggling with it so much, and can empathize with why.

 

[WornOutLife]

Hey, nice to see you here :)

Don't be so hard on yourself, dear.
I know, comparing to others can hurt.

I'm 33 and I'm a loser in comparison to the people around my age.

We all want things to be better but sometimes is very difficult, especially is you have depression or any mental disorder.

Without depression and bipolarity, I think I wouldn't ctb.

 

[mini_weeny]

You are so young, things can really get better! My only reason for not wanting to live anymore is my health but this world has so many amazing things, pple are the worst and most difficult thing but you can find happiness within yourself. Don't compare yourself to others

 

[Frauw]

Lockdown has been interesting to see how it's affected so many lives, domestic violence rates have gone up, daily consumption of alcohol has gone up, etc. For me mine is unchanged. I kind of just get to watch the show.

 

[FireFox]

Hey, nice to see you here :)

Don't be so hard on yourself, dear.
I know, comparing to others can hurt.

I'm 33 and I'm a loser in comparison to the people around my age.

We all want things to be better but sometimes is very difficult, especially is you have depression or any mental disorder.

Without depression and bipolarity, I think I wouldn't ctb.

WornOutLife
Your so lovely
Depression and bipolar you poor thing. I want to give you a hug

Sometimes i think i am being punished for everything in my life.
I use to judge people who killed themselves . I used to think they were selfish because they left behind thier families.

Every day i feel like I dont belong here in this world.
I am deteriorating by the day and no one can see how truly unhappy I am . I feel trapped in a hole which I can't get out of .

I don't want to be me anymore .
I wish i had an older sibling . I hate being the oldest because if i have problems i have no one to turn to.

Life isn't for me the lockdown has shown me that.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Your life isn't a failure, the world is.

 

[FireFox]

You are so young, things can really get better! My only reason for not wanting to live anymore is my health but this world has so many amazing things, pple are the worst and most difficult thing but you can find happiness within yourself. Don't compare yourself to others

Mini_weeny
Thanks
Sorry to hear about your health
I don't feel young at all.
I just feel too weak for this world.
Every day i feel powerless to change my life

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I feel you. I'm 29 next month and lockdown has pushed me to the edge purely because of my home life. I had to move back in with my parents at the start of last year. I have absolutely nothing to show for my life and currently have a case open with the homeless prevention team at the council as my parents are telling me to leave or kill myself - my mother told me that.

I'm a bit of a recluse so it's not like I was out every weekend before lockdowns started, but what little social aspect of my life gone and my family wanting me dead leaves not much else to work with. I've achieved nothing and have no idea what's coming next, nor will I ever be conventionally successful or happy. What use are meds when the person who gave birth to you regularly tells you to hang yourself lol.

They'd be sad for a while but nothing would be different. Just less arguments, less stress, more money for themselves. You're not alone. I wish I could do literally anything to help you but I'm a weak human being.