Living with things you're used

[helppls//]

The strange feeling you have when wearing the belt you tried to hang yourself a few days before

The feeling of sleeping on the same bedsheet that you had tried to strangle yourself with in a desperate attempt

The feeling of taking the medication you tried to od on normally again the next day

It all feels so alien, so wrong and living with these objects like normal feels so uncomfortable and almost like I'm unworthy of what they've done for me

Nothing more to this just wanted to see if anyone else experiences this too.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Yup. I used two different OTC medications the times I tried to CTB. Now it's weird when I take them I always think about it. One is a liquid that tastes horrible and makes me want to throw up even more at each timeI take it.
When I was first beginning to think about trying to ctb, I had heard you could hang yourself off a door knob. I have this little pocketbook that's on the back of my door knob and I was trying to use it to see if I could strangle myself. I've never moved the pocketbook since so I think of it every time I see it.

 

[SVEN]

I sometimes go over the Bridge I tried to jump from and was stopped by an off duty cop. Doesn't bother me, except that I was stopped.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I definitely relate.

I'm still prescribed the same meds I tried to OD on a few times, most recent attempt with them was 7 or 8 years ago.

I was sort of weaned back onto being allowed a full prescription of them. First only given a few days' worth, then a week at a time. Took months before they'd give me the full bottles. Now I'm totally trusted with them, I get bottles of hundreds of Gabapentin and Seroquel per month and they don't worry. But it still feels a bit odd.