Living on death row

[s3gfault]

Anyone significantly changed their behavior since they decided to CTB? I basically have been living like I'm on death row and the only thing that really makes me feel better is food so I've basically been eating every meal like it's my last. Going for donuts / custard / burgers / whatever the fuck I feel like every day. I've gained a significant amount of weight which just makes me want to die more (being fat fucking sucks I don't know how people live like this and are happy / don't want to lose the weight). Well I have a week now so it won't matter soon. Just wondering if anyone has felt the same.

 

[got2beFionaC]

i feel ya. tonight i ordered 3 egg rolls and ate all 3!

 

[inactive]

While I don't intend on ballooning up, I reach for junk food with a less tentative hand now. I have ordered a big vegan chocolate cake (and a tray of lemon cupcakes) to tuck into tonight. Have barely ate in recent times so the calories are fine. I also buy whatever I want, whenever I want. Though, as it turns out, there are actually not many material things I yearn for...

 

[xLosthopex]

Anyone significantly changed their behavior since they decided to CTB? I basically have been living like I'm on death row and the only thing that really makes me feel better is food so I've basically been eating every meal like it's my last. Going for donuts / custard / burgers / whatever the fuck I feel like every day. I've gained a significant amount of weight which just makes me want to die more (being fat fucking sucks I don't know how people live like this and are happy / don't want to lose the weight). Well I have a week now so it won't matter soon. Just wondering if anyone has felt the same.

I have Anorexia so obsessions with food/weight is like my biggest coping mechanism, I restrict and also binge and purge
One of the few things that gives me any satisfaction anymore

 

[ravergirl]

I use drugs with no regard for what they're doing to my body. I have risky sex because it doesn't matter if I get a disease.

 

[Justcheckingout]

I haven't eaten anything in about 3 days now and have barely drank anything. My anxiety is so bad I throw up at the slightest disturbance. I'm. Going to buy some Gatorade today and try to rehydrate myself a little but I might throw that up too. Ironically needing anti emetics for their actual purpose lol

 

[ThreeWords]

I've barely eaten much the last few weeks, and just binged a whole bunch of fried food there. Where my behaviour changed was with stupid spending, and basically have been giving cash and possessions away to friends. I'm down to owning very little and I'm 100% OK with this.

 

[Shinkansen]

I have an arm furrowed with indelible scars, I got them by cutting myself with a knife.
this is because I see my body as a prison, from which I want to get out.

 

[mathieu]

I gained a lot of weight from psych meds and am still trying to lose it. I find that I feel like shit so I decide I'll try to ctb today so I can eat whatever I want. Then I binge on junk food. I've managed to go two days without binging though which is good.

 

[_Minsk]

bought like 10 cakes and a lot of Junkfood the last weeks and ate them all. i totally relate

 

[TAW122]

I haven't exactly lived on death row, but I could answer the question on what I would have done. During the time in early 2019 (over a year ago) if things had done poorly, I would have CTB'd in late/end of May 2019.

Luckily, since that didn't happen, I lived. But if it did, what I would have done in the circumstances is as follows: First off, my parents would have been overseas during that time which means I have the house to myself. I would have kept their pets fed and made the house well, cleaned, organized, and all; enjoyed what I can with games, music, copes, and maybe some good restaurant food (because why not; I won't be alive then, plus this is way before the pandemic so no worries about travels and stuff). Live it up until the last few days, after my parents come back home, they would be jet lagged and tired, but I would have been rested and ready. When they sleep, sneak out of house, drive to remote location while dark and still night time, then CTB (I had my method back then - a firearm). I would have had notes sent via delayed email and what not, maybe a note to first responders so they know what to do, and loved ones would not have known about the reasons or notes until some time after my death.