Venting Living like a grain of sand in the desert, dying like a whisper in the wind

[Velvet Fortress]

Yes, I know the title is corny and cringe, but I need to vent so STFU

I'm so fucking tired of how little people give a shit in general. And not only from the perspective of society (or even strangers on this forum) for whom we're just "one more guy". I mostly mean the people that are supposed to be a part of your life.

I mean in my case, "part of your life" is a hyperbole. People in my life keep me at arms-length specifically because of how much of a fucking bummer I am.

But they know. They fucking know I'm going to kill myself. I've had multiple instances of people's actions or words that essentially screamed "I know it's going to happen". And yet, they don't do a fucking thing. They don't call, they don't text, they don't do shit. Or when they do, it's to get something out of me.

One time someone "close" actually thought I'd killed myself because when they called at my job to settle some shit, they found out I'd been skipping work. They didn't try to contact me. They didn't call the cops. They didn't try to figure out what happened. They called their significant other and they literally MOURNED me even though I was just being miserable in my bedroom. It was as if they were just waiting for an opportunity to do so.

It's all a fucking performance. They don't give a SHIT of how I am doing in the present. They don't give a shit if I die. They don't give a shit of wether or not they can help me. They just wait for it to happen so they can have their little fucking tragedy to LARP on.

I'm the cancer that kills the vibes. The fucking depressing guy that never seems to get his shit together. "Jesus, he's still depressed? He still spends his days moping around?"

Maybe if someone even remotely gave a single fuck, I wouldn't be. Maybe if someone even remotely tried to help in any shape or form instead of simply enduring my antics and making me feel like I should be fucking grateful for it, I wouldn't feel like the world is a piece of shit. Maybe if someone actually showed me that we live in a world where people actually WANT to help one another, I'd want to get off my rusty ass and join the effort.

I hate this world. I hate people so fucking much. Bunch of selfish fucks, the lot of us.

I can't wait to die, get "mourned" for a week by a bunch of psychotic freaks, and get completely washed away by someone's paperwork.

I hope 10 floors is enough.

 

[chocolatebar]

STFU

I actually liked your title and was going to read your post, but I'm not getting past something like that, sorry.

 

[Velvet Fortress]

I actually liked your title and was going to read your post, but I'm not getting past something like that, sorry.

suit yourself

 

[Zzzzz]

I believe you are right. we are all alone at the end of the day and must walk and suffer in our own shoes. People close, like family, can be so unbearable at times. But there is a part of me that truly wishes my family would say if suicide is what I want to do then so be it, instead of doing everything in their power to keep me limping forward like a person on life support. So-to-speak. But for me there a wish and desire to let life go .

 

[Velvet Fortress]

I actually liked your title and was going to read your post, but I'm not getting past something like that, sorry.

Like straight up this pissed me off. I'm having a crisis. If you don't like the aggressive language, close the tab and move on. Writing something like this accomplishes nothing. The last thing I need when talking about how rejected and neglected I feel is someone's passive-aggressive undertone on how my wording makes my venting undigestible

I'm losing my fucking marbles and I'm tired of people making me feel like shit for it

 

[Lullaby]

The world is pretty apathetic, it sucks. Lots of people say all the right things, but at the end of the day, they're just words.

There are good people out there, but hard to find. So many are suffering in different ways and I just wish the world cared more.

I'm sorry you're going through it. Just know that a lot of us here can relate, and I hope they gives you at least some comfort knowing you're not alone.

 

[chocolatebar]

Like straight up this pissed me off. I'm having a crisis. If you don't like the aggressive language, close the tab and move on. Writing something like this accomplishes nothing. The last thing I need when talking about how rejected and neglected I feel is someone's passive-aggressive undertone on how my wording makes my venting undigestible

I'm losing my fucking marbles and I'm tired of people making me feel like shit for it

Hey, I came here feeling really bad and your "STFU" directed at the reader (me, in that case) just made me feel worse as well.

I'm sorry for that and we don't have to hurt each other further.

Please, accept my apologies and a hug. We can talk more if you want.

 

[FuneralCry]

People are very selfish and many only care about what directly affect themselves, that is just the way that people are. Some people can also be very cruel and it is such an awful, unfair world that we live in. All that I want is to be gone, I want nothing to do with this life at all. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.