Living for others

[Abyss Dweller]

I'm trying my best to be as positive and kind to others as I can at all times.
What keeps me going is that maybe, just maybe my existence had a positive effect on someone. Or that my exit would cause too much pain for some.

Why don't I ctb right now?

Because it would ruin my poor dad who I know did the best he could.

Because I'm trying to be strong for my sister and my nephew who is going through hard times (he has lots of physical symptoms like hair loss and fast beating heart). But they are their own family. They would be there for each other.

Because it would probably upset my psychiatrist and psychologist. Both of them are wonderful ladies who deserve all the happiness. But they are professionals.. they probably dealt with it.

Because maybe.. just maybe I can be a positive force here.. but no, either noone gives a flying fuck or I'm not being helpful at all.

So I'm left with living until my dad passes.

I wish I could cut into myself or hurt myself to take away the pain some of you are feeling. You don't deserve it. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

 

[Cyc]

I understand how you feel. I've spent a large portion of my life staying alive for others so that they don't get upset when I go. It's so hard to sacrifice yourself for others especially when you have nobody to support you. I can fully empathise

 

[default]

i can't relate to you, but i'm very certain they'll all be upset when you go, and i'm sure they would appreciate you trying to stay alive because of them. it's very heartwarming to see someone to want to keep living for others they deeply care about. i'm sure your existence has a positive effect on all the people you know.