Venting Living as an ugly person

[Dino_flower]

This is getting harder and harder. I wish to rip myself into shreds the moment I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. People blatantly lie about personality mattering more and then choose the most attractive person in the room without a second thought. I'm sick and tired of trying so hard to look good that I just want to take a knife and carve out my body and face the way I want to. I hit the gym now and then, take good care of my hygiene, properly dress up for any event but still look like a rotting corpse. Just a heads up, nobody has ever felt romantically attracted to me, my whole life. Never. I used to try being kind to people, but my face always stood in the way. I didn't have a choice but to choose apathy at the end, there was no point in helping others when I couldn't help myself. I just wish everyone was born equally pretty, I really wish life was fair, but it's not. Everyone around me dislikes me for God knows what reason, although, I would credit that mostly to my looks. I just wish I could be loved, like all those beautiful women who have people falling head-over-heels for them, throwing roses and love at them, making them feel wanted and desirable unlike us crippling ugly people who are just born to suffer. I hate being this pessimistic but I think I've had enough.

 

[emptybox]

It's real. Thank you for sharing. Seems like people tend to underestimate how being ugly can affect one's life.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

My desire to breed is killing me . Girls are so hard to communicate as a genetic defect. It's understandable from an evolutionary perspective but I can't live like this

 

[d3c96524be95]

This. And it might be worse than we think. The sole fact of seeing me in the mirror or any reflection is enough to plunge me into profound despair, melancholy and catatonia. I removed all mirrors from my home, can't go to the hairdresser anymore, always refuse photographs, my managers and colleagues are reproaching me for letting my webcam off during remote meetings. Being ugly and being aware of it is very crippling but nobody seem to understand because people are not *that* ugly on average (or they don't realize when they are, or they just don't care which I fully respect). The most disconcerting thing is that my brother is a very handsome guy. Guess we had bad luck on the genetic Russian roulette of beautifulness.

Hopefully when we're dead, none of this matters anymore.

 

[epic]

I am a straight guy and where I am from I would be considered an 8/10 . I had a crush on a girl who was not so good looking but she had an awesome personality which made up for everything else . She was smart, chirpy, extroverted, confident. She kept fit which subconsciously must have played a part. I am not invalidating whatever you are saying , men on average are definitely more visual but having a great personality and most importantly being confident and secure can definitely compensate for physical traits.

Being single can be really frustrating (believe me I know) , I am very sorry that you feel this way but you are being too harsh on yourself. Give yourself more credit for being a good human and F other peoples opinion. We place too much of our happiness in what others think . There are way too many meaningful things in life than just the outer wrapper .

 

[ilovecats]

I was in the same situation, and still somewhat am at the moment. I am still kissless as a young adult but learned to not care simply by focusing on myself rather than on finding a partner.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I am a straight guy and where I am from I would be considered an 8/10 . I had a crush on a girl who was not so good looking but she had an awesome personality which made up for everything else . She was smart, chirpy, extroverted, confident. She kept fit which subconsciously must have played a part. I am not invalidating whatever you are saying , men on average are definitely more visual but having a great personality and most importantly being confident and secure can definitely compensate for physical traits.

I can only speak for myself and not for OP, but given that we're discussing this on a suicide forum, I'd bet it's unlikely that our personality will compensate for anything. Being fragile, depressed and suicidal tends to make you less attractive, if not completely excluded from society. Also, I think you're exposing a very specific case but I'm very skeptical this actually happens in the vast majority of cases (and you may have a different perspective because you don't feel physically unattractive or because you truly are physically attractive or because the girl you were crushing on wasn't *that* physically unattractive). But it's been a largely proven fact in psychology that people do care a lot for physical traits, probably way more than personality traits. Not even talking about partnering (for which ugliness surely is detrimental), attractive people tend to have better salaries for equivalent jobs, better jobs for equivalent skills, are more likely to receive help, avoid punishments, being perceived as competent.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I am a straight guy and where I am from I would be considered an 8/10 . I had a crush on a girl who was not so good looking but she had an awesome personality which made up for everything else . She was smart, chirpy, extroverted, confident. She kept fit which subconsciously must have played a part. I am not invalidating whatever you are saying , men on average are definitely more visual but having a great personality and most importantly being confident and secure can definitely compensate for physical traits.

Being single can be really frustrating (believe me I know) , I am very sorry that you feel this way but you are being too harsh on yourself. Give yourself more credit for being a good human and F other peoples opinion. We place too much of our happiness in what others think . There are way too many meaningful things in life than just the outer wrapper .

The problem is, even the women that are not conventionally attractive are still attractive. Are you saying you didnt find her good looking? or that she didn't meet society's standards of being good looking?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I am a straight guy and where I am from I would be considered an 8/10 . I had a crush on a girl who was not so good looking but she had an awesome personality which made up for everything else . She was smart, chirpy, extroverted, confident. She kept fit which subconsciously must have played a part. I am not invalidating whatever you are saying , men on average are definitely more visual but having a great personality and most importantly being confident and secure can definitely compensate for physical traits.

Being single can be really frustrating (believe me I know) , I am very sorry that you feel this way but you are being too harsh on yourself. Give yourself more credit for being a good human and F other peoples opinion. We place too much of our happiness in what others think . There are way too many meaningful things in life than just the outer wrapper .

I think you have a good point with the confidence thing. Trouble is- being ugly makes you lack confidence. Maybe it's not impossible to achieve but I have no idea how. When you hate the way you look or act, you tend to feel ashamed of yourself and people seeing you.

To get over that, you likely need to change your appearance enough to feel like you are at least more average. (I gained some confidence when I lost a lot of weight.) Or- you need to convincingly lie to yourself that you either don't care about how you look and/or have better things to offer eg. personality, humour, intelligence.

I think some people CAN be bolstered up if they are with a partner that finds them attractive but depending on other people for constant affirmations isn't going to work if that person isn't dependable- or- gets tired of it.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I am a straight guy and where I am from I would be considered an 8/10 . I had a crush on a girl who was not so good looking but she had an awesome personality which made up for everything else . She was smart, chirpy, extroverted, confident. She kept fit which subconsciously must have played a part. I am not invalidating whatever you are saying , men on average are definitely more visual but having a great personality and most importantly being confident and secure can definitely compensate for physical traits.

Being single can be really frustrating (believe me I know) , I am very sorry that you feel this way but you are being too harsh on yourself. Give yourself more credit for being a good human and F other peoples opinion. We place too much of our happiness in what others think . There are way too many meaningful things in life than just the outer wrapper .

There's studies that prove the closer you get to both ends of the beauty spectrum, the more your appearance will alter people's perception of your personality. For ugly people this means that their positive qualities will be ignored, and negative ones will not be tolerated. This bias is subconscious for most, and present in everyone.

The only exceptions I've personally seen are those who are naturally confident since it's really hard to develop when you're below average. Most people need a balance of support and criticism to grow as people, improve social skills and not become bitter and lost. You won't get that as an ugly person so your advice is very invalidating to some of the people in this thread.

 

[epic]

I have not looked into studies so cant comment on them .

The problem is, even the women that are not conventionally attractive are still attractive. Are you saying you didnt find her good looking? or that she didn't meet society's standards of being good looking?

Both conventionally and unconventionally she would be considered a little below average.
Her personality made her look physically attractive to me (if that makes sense) but if I step back and think about it she was slightly below average, just going by the looks .

But it's been a largely proven fact in psychology that people do care a lot for physical traits, probably way more than personality traits.

I have not looked into studies so cant comment on them . Looks matter a lot and I'm not surprised if the research paper finds that.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that there is nothing fair about existing in this world, as so many people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, and of course it can certainly be torture when you are trapped in an existence that you hate. This world is undeniably so cruel.