living alone / being an adult

[sashimi_]

ive had to think about it a lot and i dont think its possible for me to live alone or 100% independently anyway. i know everyone needs support anyway but not like this. idk if its just depression or if its autism and executive dysfunction. or just the fact that my parents have never helped me once i got the independent stage even if i said i cant do these things.. now that im fully an adult i still feel like i just turned 11 or even younger than that sometimes in terms of what i can do

ii guess when i move out i can look into support workers not that i ever have or even have the slightest clue where to begin but the thoufht in itself sorta just makes me feel worse. i have living mobile parents and i have to find a stranger willing to look after me its so depressing. idek i just feel so bitter and upset at myself about it too. what 23 yr old cant shower or clean their teeth for no actual explainable reason other than Cant . tf
if i think about it hard i think organizing my day and time is hard... i put absolutely everything off to "the last minute" if there ever even is one. i had some modicum of shame about being clean but that has now fully eroded and apparently i have no problem going outside when i need to without being showered etc. its gross man i dont even know what my problem is

and i dont think i would need literally showering its more just having someone there who cares without yelling to kind of encourage it to happen in the first place. i guess i just feel kind of abandoned if no one else cares about the things i dont do then why should i

 

[Mirrory Me]

I used to have the same problem when I didn't see a reason to take care of myself regularly, or it seemed like a chore. Postponing events sounds so familiar in that regard. Taking a shower felt so laborious and rough, there was so much dirt and the skin didn't feel good either. However, it became a bad self-image when I wore the same clothes for many weeks without showering. I guess I was running away from life in those days anyway.

However, new habits can be learned by repeating them regularly (according to studies, it would take approximately three weeks to learn a new habit). I shower now every few days when my hair starts to get greasy. It's good to take a shower, it refreshes and relaxes and makes you cleaner. I hope you can somehow be motivated to take care of yourself.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

One of my old best friends was autistic so I know how hard finding the motivation to do "normal" things can be not from personal experience in the sense of living it but indirectly through knowing him.

Don't feel ashamed. None of us are responsible for the mental health issues we have that we never chose. And everyone goes through phases in their life where they need assistance with basics, early on as well as in older age. If you happen to need it in the middle too, so what? Makes you no less of a person than that older person who struggles. We wouldn't say they are any less human, and neither should anyone say that of you. If anyone does, or you think they are, ignore them. They're wrong and not worth your time.

If that point comes you are set to live alone but have assistance, just make sure you communicate what you said here. Just "Hey, these are things I could use encouragement on. I need help with that but go easy on me please." Communicate your needs clearly so you get the treatment you want - and deserve.

You can make it, of that I have no doubt. The self-doubt may nag but it's not telling yourself the whole story to think you are doomed to fall short. I believe in you.

 

[Meretricious]

The entire journey of being an adult is doing shit that you don't want to do/loathe doing, and/or can't find the motivation to do, on at least a somewhat consistent basis.

In an odd, seemingly backwards reality, humans have more freedom when they're children. You know, when you were allowed to just exist without question, or having to prove your worth and that you're worth living. When you had an identity outside of your occupation.

 

[sashimi_]

However, new habits can be learned by repeating them regularly (according to studies, it would take approximately three weeks to learn a new habit). I shower now every few days when my hair starts to get greasy. It's good to take a shower, it refreshes and relaxes and makes you cleaner. I hope you can somehow be motivated to take care of yourself.

it would be a miracle if i can hold onto a good habit for three weeks, it feels like i try over and over but i cant make it past those three weeks so i guess its not sticking? plus i end up not caring enough after a short while. still... thanks for sharing your experience. i wish it wasnt so difficult to do what comes naturally to so many ppl

You can make it, of that I have no doubt. The self-doubt may nag but it's not telling yourself the whole story to think you are doomed to fall short. I believe in you.

thanks for your reassurance and belief. your responses here are always so well thought out and empathetic <3

The entire journey of being an adult is doing shit that you don't want to do/loathe doing, and/or can't find the motivation to do, on at least a somewhat consistent basis.

In an odd, seemingly backwards reality, humans have more freedom when they're children. You know, when you were allowed to just exist without question, or having to prove your worth and that you're worth living. When you had an identity outside of your occupation.

right?? in some ways theyre less free bc theyre at the mercy of what the adults around them decide is right/wrong but at least most of the time kids are allowed to just chill. i guess

 

[EmpathyMinded]

it would be a miracle if i can hold onto a good habit for three weeks, it feels like i try over and over but i cant make it past those three weeks so i guess its not sticking? plus i end up not caring enough after a short while. still... thanks for sharing your experience. i wish it wasnt so difficult to do what comes naturally to so many ppl


thanks for your reassurance and belief. your responses here are always so well thought out and empathetic <3


right?? in some ways theyre less free bc theyre at the mercy of what the adults around them decide is right/wrong but at least most of the time kids are allowed to just chill. i guess

You're more than welcome. I'm glad I'm living up to my name on here to you. I like to think I am, but I picked that name also as a challenge to myself to always do the best I can at that. Worth it every time though, knowing I made your day or anyone else's even a bit better makes my own day brighter. Smile every time I think about it tbh. :)

 

[UsagiDrop]

ii guess when i move out i can look into support workers not that i ever have or even have the slightest clue where to begin but the thoufht in itself sorta just makes me feel worse. i have living mobile parents and i have to find a stranger willing to look after me its so depressing. idek i just feel so bitter and upset at myself about it too. what 23 yr old cant shower or clean their teeth for no actual explainable reason other than Cant .

Your parents failed you in some capacity and that is not your fault. It's not something you should be ashamed of because it was out of your control, so I hope you can have some compassion for yourself. It's perfectly understandable for a twenty-three year old to be unable to do something that they weren't assisted with in childhood, when they needed the help to form proper habits the most. No matter how simple or small that thing may be. Compounded with mental illness, not having the foundation that others got in childhood probably will make someone not only feel incapable of doing these things but also unmotivated. It's not a bad thing, and not your fault. Like others have said, I believe you can make it through this. And if you miss a day or two or even a week of doing some things, that's okay too!

With all that being said, having a caregiver/caretaker or someone to assist you with living is nothing to be ashamed about either! It's what we're here for; to provide care and assistance to those who can't do it themselves, for whatever reasons. I try to put myself in the shoes of those that need it and I think I get how it can be depressing, but I hope that if you go that route, you don't think of it as a stranger having to look after you. A good caregiver wouldn't think of you as a stranger that they have to take care of. Clients are people who trust us in some of the most private and vulnerable times of their lives and I believe they are owed our service and respect. Ideally, they will be a compassionate companion who is professional and specially trained to help you, to encourage you and to care for you. I agree with the sentiments above, clear communication will be key as you are the one that will have the most say in what you need from them. Boundaries are important, as well. I imagine it will be a little difficult to adjust at first, but please don't feel ashamed if you ever feel like you need one. Any of us could need someone to care for us at some point or another and it doesn't make us less human.

As for where to start, I'm not very sure exactly. I would think the best thing to do would be to look up any home care agencies are in the area that you're in, look at the services they offer and what their staff are specialized in, and pay careful attention to ratings, reviews, etc. I think some insurance companies will cover it, but not many. I don't really know how much it costs to have, but I would be willing to look into such a thing for you, though I doubt I would be much help now that I think about it since it's really up to where you're at and I do not desire personal info from anyone on the internet. I can only speak in generals. Honestly, adulting and independence is hard even for the best of us. I'm not much older than you and I just ventured moving out of my parents' house. Even with assistance, it's a stressful hell for me with a really steep learning curve and it's unfortunately brought back my ideation over the last year. You're not alone in your struggles or worries and you never will be, but I believe in you and think that you can do it if you really want to, even if you need a little help along the way. We were never meant to do any of this alone, after all.

Good luck on everything and thanks for sharing. You're already doing a great job by just thinking forward about these kinds of things and making an effort every day!

 

[sashimi_]

You're not alone in your struggles or worries and you never will be, but I believe in you and think that you can do it if you really want to, even if you need a little help along the way. We were never meant to do any of this alone, after all.

Good luck on everything and thanks for sharing. You're already doing a great job by just thinking forward about these kinds of things and making an effort every day!

wow your message is so thorough and kind, thank you i really appreciate it..

it's hard to accept a lot of things but it helps to really be heard in this way. in terms of support workers, health service things such as that work differently over here. i imagine its a waste of time trying to go through the nhs (as with most health issues ironically), idk about private services. ill have to look into it

I would be willing to look into such a thing for you, though I doubt I would be much help now that I think about it since it's really up to where you're at and I do not desire personal info from anyone on the internet. I can only speak in generals.

thats still a really kind offer though, thank you

sorta struggling to put my thoughts together coherently atm sorry. but your hopeful words mean a lot to me <3

 

[UsagiDrop]

i imagine its a waste of time trying to go through the nhs (as with most health issues ironically), idk about private services. ill have to look into it

I feel you on that. In my experience, private healthcare practices are always better. It just sucks that they are the least accessible and the most expensive. I wish you luck and I'm glad my hope means something, because I really do mean it.