Venting Limbo

[WorthlessTrash]

I am honestly worried that I won't be able to go through with CTBing, and I'll be stuck either meandering in life, or settling for coping with a life that is far from ideal. It bothers me. I have no motivation to do anything, no interest in hobbies, no interest in relationships, no interest in sex (not that I could get any even if I tried). I am stuck in a perpetual state of eat, sleep and sasu with watching YouTube, listening to music and mindlessly playing various games online, which doesn't even get me pleasure.

The very thought of what it'd be like to have been born and raised female and the sight of these attractive cis women depress me to no end. Who knew it would come down to a 50% chance for me to be completely miserable.

The fear of what comes after death, guilt and laziness all contribute me to being in limbo.

I need out, but I don't know if I will ever be able to go through with it...

 

[Lynx.]

I feel the same. The unavailability of a painless and efficient method draws me back; I'll probably never go through with CTB, instead I'll be stuck wandering here without much to do or to enjoy, starting over, every day, against my will.

The days will pass, eventually, and death will come anyways: but there's suffering, both in CTBing, and in not being able to do it. That feeling won't go away for me.

Life sure is fun, isn't it?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I feel the same. The unavailability of a painless and efficient method draws me back; I'll probably never go through with CTB, instead I'll be stuck wandering here without much to do or to enjoy, starting over, every day, against my will.

The days will pass, eventually, and death will come anyways: but there's suffering, both in CTBing, and in not being able to do it. That feeling won't go away for me.

Life sure is fun, isn't it?

Yeah, very fun.

I don't like the idea of living indefinitely for who knows how long. Every day is the same and boring for me. I know deep down if my life was different and I got the start I really wanted, I'd be motivated to make the most of it..

I am sorry that life gave us such shitty hands in life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I feel that from what I know of your situation the pain of living will propel you over the finish line at some point. That is unless your life somehow improves, but given the nature of your anguish I know that's not liable to happen...

Anyway I think we can all relate to the pain of waiting in limbo with little motivation for life or apparently for death either. The bus stop isn't a fun place to be. I guess if I had to offer one suggestion it's that if you have sufficient doubt that CTB will happen anytime soon then maybe it's better to try to keep your life afloat rather than letting it sink (I say that as someone who's thoroughly run his into the ground).

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I feel that from what I know of your situation the pain of living will propel you over the finish line at some point. That is unless your life somehow improves, but given the nature of your anguish I know that's not liable to happen...

Anyway I think we can all relate to the pain of waiting in limbo with little motivation for life or apparently for death either. The bus stop isn't a fun place to be. I guess if I had to offer one suggestion it's that if you have sufficient doubt that CTB will happen anytime soon then maybe it's better to try to keep your life afloat rather than letting it sink (I say that as someone who's thoroughly run his into the ground).

Well, I am already severely overweight and have no motivation to do anything. I just cannot see a reason to take care of myself and I just do not enjoy anything. Being in the wrong body feels just wrong....

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand wishing to leave yet feeling so trapped here. I'm also worried about potentially being stuck here in this hellish world for way too long. I find it horrific the thought of being here for potentially decades, I don't even wish to think about it, I see existence as being something that is harmful and best avoided. Yet of course for me actually going through with suicide is something so difficult that involves risks and complications and if it was easier to leave I would certainly be gone by this point.

But it really can be so awful and tiring feeling trapped in an existence not worth enduring, I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.