Like nails on a chalkboard..

[eternalpeace]

I have become very reclusive in the last few years. I don't want to interact with anyone, but I'm back living at home with my parents. so I can't avoid it. Any time my mom or dad start talking, their voices just sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. It doesn't matter what they are saying…it's not the actual substance of the conversation, it's just the sound of their voices. They start to talk to me and I just want to yell "shut up! Stop frickin' talking to me!" (Of course I don't. I just try to listen and then escape to my room as soon as I can). I love them both very much, but whenever they talk to me, my skin just starts to crawl. Today a nurse called about an appointment. She was just asking some basic questions (about possible covid exposure and when the last appointment was), and the sound of her voice just made me want to howl. The conversation was banal and she didn't say anything remotely offensive, but just listening to her talk made me want to throw something.

I don't know if it is a symptom of my mental illness (the desire for isolation caused by depression, or just the fact that I can't really focus enough to have a substantive conversation), or one more sign that I'm done with life and everything it entails, or if I'm just being an a**hole, but I've never quite felt like this before. I don't seem to have the same reaction to voices I hear on a tv show, just in person.

 

[Toonloon]

I gotcha. Im the same way when im so depressed i cant even get out of bed and piss. I hate being around anyone in that state. Its awful. Its even worse if people try to be nice and talk to me. Normal people don't realize I want them to fuck off and die.

 

[little helpers]

girl. you've just written my own mind. I don't have social anxiety or AvPD. but I want everyone to stfu with their voice, the sole exception being music. they just…have nothing better to say. so I'm not gonna engage just for the sake of entertaining them.

you mentioned depression and I know that feeling well. the "I'm so done. stop bothering me. can't you fucking leave me alone." I want to rot in the sun. I want people to just fucking give up on me. could be becuz I'm exhausted with life, could be the way we see ourselves due to depression, or it's cuz they never really cared anyways. social chitchat and honest conversations are very different things. so yeah.

Edit: another thing is a lot of the times when people talk to me in that state, I look like a fucking charity case and they do everything to show me that. fuck it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am very noise sensitive and the sound of certain voices can be awful to listen to. I prefer to isolate myself from everything. I also feel done with life, I never want to have to experience anything again. I am very tired of being alive. I wish you the best.

 

[OrcWitch]

This thread is relatable. Talking feels like such a chore with most people. I have some exceptions though