Like a wave

[lonelywander]

The pain hit me like a wave today. So distinct. So real. Immediately suicidal. Wanting to hurt myself. Thinking of ways to do it. Where is God at times like this?! So alone. Tried calling four people. No one available. Cried to a fifth. She quickly got off the phone. So alone. So unexplainable.
It's at times like this I believe I'm not meant to be happy here. He doesn't want me to be. Happiness is elusive. Never meant to be caught.
Thank you for listening. It's a relief to write.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

It sucks feeling alone. I promise you're not alone in how you feel though. I can't share my pain with most of my friends. They make me feel too much. I dunno. I probably am. I'm too much for me. This place is the only place I feel understood and safe to vent.

 

[lonelywander]

Yes, I feel at such odds on this world. Like I'm from a different planet. I think at times that some people, just by looking at me, will run away, screaming.
I was talking to someone close to me yesterday. She feels like no one likes her. That she is hated. The same feelings I've had. I love her so much. I want to be there for her.
Thank you for responding.

 

[Dingusguy]

Getting hit by it in waves is something I can relate to, I never really feel super happy but I can certainly enjoy moments of my life, but then all of the sudden a wave of... Depression or whatever the hell you wanna call it hits me and I have to bury myself in my room away from friends for days until it's over again.
You're not alone in feeling like this, and I feel bad for you having to go through this, not because I know you, but because no one should have to feel this way.
Luckily there are plenty of friendly people on here willing to chat to just about anyone in need of a conversation
I hope you can ride the wave out and feel better again soon.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Yes, I feel at such odds on this world. Like I'm from a different planet. I think at times that some people, just by looking at me, will run away, screaming.
I was talking to someone close to me yesterday. She feels like no one likes her. That she is hated. The same feelings I've had. I love her so much. I want to be there for her.
Thank you for responding.

You and her need to stick together and fck everyone else. Those other 5 people are going to need you one day. Don't be there for them.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

oh my god. you make my spine chill , please we are here for you you are not alone.

 

[lonelywander]

I'm so grateful to all of you who have responded to my post. Thanks for being there for me.
Feeling alone/lonely is getting worse as I age. Hard to handle. I can't stand being by myself anymore.