Venting Life

[GreyClouds]

Hello,

After a long day of work and ultimately not looking forward to coming home and being alone all weekend in a toxic house with toxic thoughts. Surprise, drama.

We had to lock all the doors because my brother is in a rampage and comes over banging on the glass window of the door because my mom went over and cleaned the basement of my deceased grandmothers house so the maintenance guy can come fix the furnace. My mom freaks out in her own delusion and tells my other brother to open the door so she can get her dog and with her anxiety and my other brother banging on the glass window screaming I just lost it and I told them they're making me so sick. Sick. Like sick. I can vomit with the amount of stress I go through in this toxic house on a daily basis.Thats when I was vocal that I want to die and my mother said "Good. You should" she knows I'm suicidal she knows I'm depressed she knows my thoughts. I've asked her for help I've went to her at my lowest moments. I guess hearing that just hurts more.

Sorry for the ramble I'm crying while typing this and I've never wanted to disappear so bad in my life and not being able to do it at this very moment is so frustrating.

 

[Darkhaven]

I'm almost the same age as you and i'm also sick of my environment.
Leaving my mother's house would do wonders for my mental health, but guess what? I'm still stuck at university and the more time that i pass in this house the more my mind suffers with depression.
In my case it's my stepfather, whom i hate.
Never hated someone so much as him.
I would be willing to stab him to death before i ctb, but that brings a lot of attention and heat on top of me, so...
But i have other shit going on. Even if i leave this house one day i will still want to die so it's all the same shit.

 

[GreyClouds]

I'm almost the same age as you and i'm also sick of my environment.
Leaving my mother's house would do wonders for my mental health, but guess what? I'm still stuck at university and the more time that i pass in this house the more my mind suffers with depression.
In my case it's my stepfather, whom i hate.
Never hated someone so much as him.
I would be willing to stab him to death before i ctb, but that brings a lot of attention and heat on top of me, so...
But i have other shit going on. Even if i leave this house one day i will still want to die so it's all the same shit.

I understand... it's almost like being trapped... it is all the same shit, I was on my own for a bit and the thoughts/urges were still there.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Hello,

After a long day of work and ultimately not looking forward to coming home and being alone all weekend in a toxic house with toxic thoughts. Surprise, drama.

We had to lock all the doors because my brother is in a rampage and comes over banging on the glass window of the door because my mom went over and cleaned the basement of my deceased grandmothers house so the maintenance guy can come fix the furnace. My mom freaks out in her own delusion and tells my other brother to open the door so she can get her dog and with her anxiety and my other brother banging on the glass window screaming I just lost it and I told them they're making me so sick. Sick. Like sick. I can vomit with the amount of stress I go through in this toxic house on a daily basis.Thats when I was vocal that I want to die and my mother said "Good. You should" she knows I'm suicidal she knows I'm depressed she knows my thoughts. I've asked her for help I've went to her at my lowest moments. I guess hearing that just hurts more.

Sorry for the ramble I'm crying while typing this and I've never wanted to disappear so bad in my life and not being able to do it at this very moment is so frustrating.

Look, I don't know much about your situation, but if it is physically possible for you to move out of this house, do it at all costs. It will not immidiately get better of course but it's at least worth a try before you CTB, as being in an abusive household is part of what is making you depressed.

 

[GreyClouds]

Look, I don't know much about your situation, but if it is physically possible for you to move out of this house, do it at all costs. It will not immidiately get better of course but it's at least worth a try before you CTB, as being in an abusive household is part of what is making you depressed.

You are right, I desperately tried to "budget" on how I could afford a place. (I work and currently pay for all my bills and groceries.) With debt, car payments/insurance/bills I can hardly even afford a bachelor ($900/$1000) within this city, also hate my job (looking for a new one I guess) and other stuff... thanks for your response