Venting Life without purpose.

[Lara Francis]

I feel like a hamster stuck in a hamster ball,running but getting nowhere!
My mind is jumping from one random thought to other - none of which are related.
I am finding myself thinking about things that have happened during the entire span of my life.The good and the bad.
I realise that friends can replace crap family.All everyone wants as a child is to feel loved,excepted and have a sense of worth.why is that so hard ?
I am sat up and its the early hours here.
I wish that i could take a break from myself as i find myself hard work along with all the thoughts that give me no sense of happiness or motivation in life.
The only purpose is to fight for my son but even that seems a fruitless challenge.
I think there is an acceptence to death and when that threshold has been met its no longer a scary prospect but a plan in progress.
I am proberly talking shit.please forgive me.I am listening to hard house but even that is not allowing me to escape my mind.This may be the beginning of yet other crisis and having to scrap myself up of the floor but sometimes we are so down trodden this is not possible.
Xx

 

[Brainpain]

Hard house! Brings me back to my rave days in the early 2000s! Thinking I should put some on now... as for life without a purpose I don't think anyone has a purpose. Really the purpose of life is we all got thrust here without asking for it and we are all waiting to die. Very few end up making a difference to the planet but most of us are quickly forgotten. You say you have a son - the challenge of that is never fruitless. I'm sure he loves you and will appreciate how hard you've tried for him. If he's young it may not happen until he was older. It wasn't until I was older that my parents were just humans figuring it all out as well. I wasn't overly loved or accepted as a child either - I was probably hard to love. I forgive them for it now.
I hear you on wanting a break from yourself - I wish I could escape the prison of my brain and body , if even just for a few days. The only way I can do that now is by sleeping and I take heavy meds just to do that.

 

[azucaramargo]

I wish that i could take a break from myself

I have felt that way since childhood, too.