Venting Life without friends is suffering

[thalasabin]

I've grown distant with pretty much every single one of my friends throughout this past year. It's my fault for pushing them away, I behaved poorly towards them. It hurts losing some of the most special people in my life. I want to commit suicide because I can't imagine a life without my friends they were everything to me. I don't want to be alone. I want people in my life.

 

[R_N]

Have you tried reaching out again regardless what happened? No contact doesn't always mean it can't be rekindled.

 

[thalasabin]

Have you tried reaching out again regardless what happened? No contact doesn't always mean it can't be rekindled.

It's a difficult situation to explain. I affected my friends in a way where the damage is nearly irreversible. Some of them have me blocked and some others simply won't answer. I feel like I only have one true friend left and they happen to be a rando I happen to meet online.

 

[Morte]

I also lost all my friends, I always had few anyway. But eventually we get used to loneliness and it doesn't bother me like it used to. You just need to find a hobby

 

[thalasabin]

I also lost all my friends, I always had few anyway. But eventually we get used to loneliness and it doesn't bother me like it used to. You just need to find a hobby

It's very hard I've been alone for months and I still haven't gotten used to it. Suicide is the only thing on my mind. I have no desire for hobbies or life in general but I'm so damn scared of dying, I wish I wasn't afraid of death.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I agree though I never had any friends to begin with. Life without friends is painful..

 

[Morte]

It's very hard I've been alone for months and I still haven't gotten used to it. Suicide is the only thing on my mind. I have no desire for hobbies or life in general but I'm so damn scared of dying, I wish I wasn't afraid of death.

It took me many years to get used to, not months. I've been alone for almost my lifetime. Don't you have anything to distract you?
My hobbies don't bring me joy anymore, but can still distract me, being drunk also helps me coping.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The loneliness becomes more familiar than any other friend could be, I don't miss having friends at all.

 

[todeswunsch]

I also end-up losing all my friends, and my fault too. I don't get used to loneliness. I like to be alone most of the time, but not all the time. It feel meaningless doing anything without having someone to share with. Loneliness is my main reason to CTB. I wished to have friends again or someone but I don't think it will ever happen.
Loneliness is a oppressive feeling, I'm sorry you got into this too. I hope you will be able to find good friends again. May worth giving some time, meeting new people. Not that I do that by my own, but it can be helpful anyway
Good luck, I wish you the best!

 

[R_N]

It's a difficult situation to explain. I affected my friends in a way where the damage is nearly irreversible. Some of them have me blocked and some others simply won't answer. I feel like I only have one true friend left and they happen to be a rando I happen to meet online.

Well maybe that "rando" ends up to be a person you like. At least you can talk to them.

I have a person like that. I only met him once but I can tell him anything and have good convos about pretty much all the topics.

Also people can come and go in general. I dunno what you did but I bet good ones wouldn't ditch you no matter what you did if they were meant to be.

 

[hellispink]

Sounds to me like you are emotionally dependent on other people. To feel secure you need to have people around. I have been there. But you need to understand that life changes whatever is it that you did or whatever it was meant to be. Friends dont last forever neither any form of relationship. Everyone grows apart. Only you have yourself when you die. Dont rely on others , if not you gonna cry blood tears

 

[Mirrory Me]

I'm sorry that you ruined your chance to connect with your friends. however, you don't have to be completely alone if that comforts you. I couldn't always be alone either.

 

[thalasabin]

Sounds to me like you are emotionally dependent on other people. To feel secure you need to have people around. I have been there. But you need to understand that life changes whatever is it that you did or whatever it was meant to be. Friends dont last forever neither any form of relationship. Everyone grows apart. Only you have yourself when you die. Dont rely on others , if not you gonna cry blood tears

I am very emotionally dependent on people. I can't help but rely on others those people were so special to me all the good times we had just went to waste in the worst way. I am ashamed that I can't do anything to bring them back. I wish I can push myself to commit suicide I seriously can't live in a world without them.

It took me many years to get used to, not months. I've been alone for almost my lifetime. Don't you have anything to distract you?
My hobbies don't bring me joy anymore, but can still distract me, being drunk also helps me coping.

The only thing I really have to distract me is watching youtube but that barely helps. I have no desire to try and find other hobbies and ways to distract myself. I just don't have a desire for anything.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am very emotionally dependent on people. I can't help but rely on others those people were so special to me all the good times we had just went to waste in the worst way. I am ashamed that I can't do anything to bring them back. I wish I can push myself to commit suicide I seriously can't live in a world without them.

Losing something you love always leaves you with the same feeling, that you wish you could go back in time, but we only move forward. You can find those same feelings and fulfilment by meeting new people in your life.

 

[R_N]

Losing something you love always leaves you with the same feeling, that you wish you could go back in time, but we only move forward. You can find those same feelings and fulfilment by meeting new people in your life.

I don't think being vulnerable and attached is a good idea. I say that as someone who was very attached and idealistic in the past. Loyal.

I can detach from any non family member easy now and don't speak to them ever. It is nice to have someone but I can also have fun in other ways as long as I am able. I got used to it and even as a kid I was forced to entertain myself at times. So I adapted nourishing that side of me later in life after I was betrayed by many.

I would suffer much worse if I was the same as in the past but even if I wanted to go back it is not possible. I can only create some hybrid now connecting different parts of old and new me.

 

[兎の耳]

Losing someone you care about is hard, but new friends can be found in the most unlikely places. It's beautiful to me how a chance encounter can turn into a lifelong friendship.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I don't think being vulnerable and attached is a good idea. I say that as someone who was very attached and idealistic in the past. Loyal.

I can detach from any non family member easy now and don't speak to them ever. It is nice to have someone but I can also have fun in other ways as long as I am able. I got used to it and even as a kid I was forced to entertain myself at times. So I adapted nourishing that side of me later in life after I was betrayed by many.

I would suffer much worse if I was the same as in the past but even if I wanted to go back it is not possible. I can only create some hybrid now connecting different parts of old and new me.

That all sounds so familiar, I'm also hermit by nature. My life has always kind of reflected detachment from others, yet I've stayed on my own path as best I can. But we are not all carved from the same wood- some people need more interaction because it is part of their nature and destiny. There is also the parts of us that can only be discovered by interacting with other people- so I'm keeping an open mind.

 

[loopdaloop]

true, it hurts the most when you see others making friends irl around you and conversing with one another like it's easy but you lack the ability to do the same

 

[Morte]

The only thing I really have to distract me is watching youtube but that barely helps. I have no desire to try and find other hobbies and ways to distract myself. I just don't have a desire for anything.

It's difficult to be happy without hobbies, because you will always be dependent on people. And people are easy to abandon us. They are unlikely to fill the void in your life that a hobby would.
I have no desire to live either, but since im trapped in this existence, the best thing i could do is bite the bullet and find a way to distract myself from the suffering. So, I hope one day you find something that distract you as well, that you dont care so much about loneliness.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I have not had any friends for years and doing just fine. I communicate with close family members only.

 

[Abandoned Character]

Living with the consequences of our actions is hard, we wish for everything to go back to what it once was. I wish for everything to be rewound in a position where I made all of the correct decisions. Unfortunately, time only goes in one direction and we are forced to stand on a path constructed by our past decisions.

Fortunately, we can choose a new path by making new decisions. Whether this path abruptly ends in a voluntary suicide, or extends into the unknown is for the individual to determine.

 

[R_N]

That all sounds so familiar, I'm also hermit by nature. My life has always kind of reflected detachment from others, yet I've stayed on my own path as best I can. But we are not all carved from the same wood- some people need more interaction because it is part of their nature and destiny. There is also the parts of us that can only be discovered by interacting with other people- so I'm keeping an open mind.

Yeah but I was not like this before like I said. I was clingy and very emotional. More than other people around me.

In childhood I had periods where I was kinda forced to play alone so during those times I learned to entertain myself like I said. But I still craved company. And later on when I had people around me more often I grew attached to them and would be sensitive to any form of betrayal.

My point is I changed so it might be possible for others too. I am not saying this is ideal but when some things or lack of them don't hurt, I like it more that way. I would never go back to my clingy emotional wreck self because I would suffer even more. I don't have that luxury nor do I believe in ideals anymore. I see the world differently which also changed during my life.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Yeah but I was not like this before like I said. I was clingy and very emotional. More than other people around me.

In childhood I had periods where I was kinda forced to play alone so during those times I learned to entertain myself like I said. But I still craved company. And later on when I had people around me more often I grew attached to them and would be sensitive to any form of betrayal.

My point is I changed so it might be possible for others too. I am not saying this is ideal but when some things or lack of them don't hurt, I like it more that way. I would never go back to my clingy emotional wreck self because I would suffer even more. I don't have that luxury nor do I believe in ideals anymore. I see the world differently which also changed during my life.

Sorry to hear about that. I understand if it has changed you and your approach to relationships, and that it has led to a lifestyle that you try to avoid the same problems in the future. However, by acting like that, you won't solve them - you could rather try to learn from previous losses for new opportunities, by trying to be brave when facing life.

 

[R_N]

Sorry to hear about that. I understand if it has changed you and your approach to relationships, and that it has led to a lifestyle that you try to avoid the same problems in the future. However, by acting like that, you won't solve them - you could rather try to learn from previous losses for new opportunities, by trying to be brave when facing life.

Is it brave to put a hand on the stove for 0 reason? It is all matter of perception.

I don't see any gain by reverting to past nor it would be possible like I said. I see myself and other humans differently. I don't see any benefit to attachment or emotional codependency. Being vulnerable. I can find "friends" fun but why is it bad if I can let someone go and feel nothing after they are out of my life? Or if I am not even interested in being close to others?

I had many years of holding my hand on the stove for me to know it is not worth it. At least not in the same way I did it.

I can be kind still and nice and it puts me at peace when I am but I will never be attached to someone till the day I die and I don't miss it.

 

[WonderingSoul]

Yeah, I can't emphasize it enough, that having friends is really important. And that I wish I had some irl too.

 

[Judah]

Yes, one of my reasons for CTB is that my autism is an obstacle to making new friends in real life, I wish I had someone close to really connect with.

 

[ouf]

i ghosted every friend over the past 10 years and now i've pulled away from even my online friends. i've never been able to make or keep friends. i think i'm just too selfish to maintain friendship.