Discussion Life was easier before having friends

[Kibby]

Might be an odd title but does anyone else feel like a lot of these feelings are because you lost something, (lover, friends, etc) and now can't go back living to how you used to (completely alone)? Its like you go from having no one ---> get a better life ---> its ripped away and now you cant live with the pain even though you are where you started. I wonder how common it is to ctb over this type of thing. Anyone else like this?

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

A lot of people attempt for this kind of thing. I think any more loss is just fuel to push me over the edge. Hoping for the best for you friend

 

[Darkover]

Yeah, that's actually a really common experience. Losing something that made life bearable—whether it's love, friendship, stability, or even just a sense of purpose—can make going back to loneliness feel unbearable. Even if you're technically in the same place you started, it doesn't feel the same because you've now experienced something better. That contrast between "what was" and "what is" can be devastating.

There are definitely people who ctb over this. Grief, abandonment, and the feeling that life used to have some meaning but now doesn't—those things can push people to the edge. It's like, before, you didn't know what you were missing, but now you do, and that makes the emptiness so much worse.

 

[SVEN]

I don't really have any friends, but that doesn't seem much fun either.

 

[Namelesa]

Yep. I was first suicidal cus of school and gender dysphoria but when school ended and I was able to transition I was able to get better but when I got my first relationship ended in college who also was my first major friend, I completely broke and life became more empty without human connection. I wish I just stayed as a loner as I won't desire human connection as much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't exactly want to CTB because of loss, although I have lost a lot of people and it definitely played a part in me initially becoming suicidal. I've become pretty ok with being alone now. It's more the general grind of life now that I simply want to be free of.

However, it has certainly put me off forming new friendships/ relationships because I don't want to experience that deep loss again.

There's a sort of horrible irony to it really. I suspect meaningful connections are one of the main keys to a happier life. Yet, losing them for whatever reason is incredibly painful. So, like so much in life, to me at any rate: The gains don't seem worth the pain or risk.

 

[loneloser]

Yep, it's definitely part of the reason why I want to but not wholly the entire reason. I've realized that no matter what happens, it's a cycle of getting 'friends' and then some cosmic bullshit happening to push me away from them (or me pushing them away). Or maybe I'm just not a good/likable person anymore.

At this point, I don't think I deserve human connection and I don't seek it anymore. I'm not okay with being lonely, in fact I'm pretty attention / touch starved... but I'm too tired to fix my broken self because I'll just end up back here.