Venting Life is speeding up rapidly. I have to end it soon.

[onbekend]

Everything in my life is getting worse. I thought maybe there was a tiny bit of a chance that things could get better. That there was a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. But it's proving to be nothing more than a false sense of security, maybe my brain is tricking me into believing in it.

My family doesn't know of my desire to CTB, but they do know that I'm not doing well physically or mentally. I am on the verge of anorexia, I have been losing friends one by one every day, and I have been deprived of any sleep. They are aware of all of this and they know that my mental state is deteriorating. They seem to think that introducing me to new people and making me have new hobbies makes me happier, but in reality it makes me feel more like a failure. Now the only escape I have is this forum and some old games to keep me company.

Pretty soon they're gonna get desperate to find an answer as to what is wrong. I'm terrified of what's gonna happen to me if they find out about my intentions.
I really have to die soon or else things won't be looking so good for me, to say the least.
I think I've finally built up the courage. Now all I need is enough money to afford SN, which I should have enough soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for, best wishes.

 

[mortuarymary]

Have the family sought help for you?

 

[onbekend]

Have the family sought help for you?

They haven't found me a therapist or any kind of help like that. But I do overhear conversations that they're concerned about my mental health (In fact, I hear a family member on the phone right now speaking about it as I'm typing this), So that could definitely change very soon.

 

[mortuarymary]

Rather than talk they need to act upon it.
I would hate someone to CTB because their family couldn't give A shit.