Venting Life is so harsh on some of us here .

[epic]

When I was joining this forum a few years ago . My hands were shaking . I couldn't believe I was joining a suicide forum . Now logging in everyday is like brushing my teeth .
It's interesting to see how circumstances desensitize people.
Crippling depression, hallucinations, cancers, brain injury, Neurodegenerative disease have forced people to be here. Otherwise users would have just gone on living in society like normal people, putting parts in a machine and at the end of the day spending time with friends and family . No doctors or psychiatrists or big medical bills. Totally unaware that there is a part of the world where people think about suicide everyday .

There is no point to this post .
Just a vent.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

There are so many good people here who don't deserve the terrible hand they've been dealt in life. You're right that after awhile, it's hard not to become numb or desensitised from scrolling through countless tales of misery and horror, knowing that many of these stories won't have a happy ending- no matter how much you wish this wasn't so.

We're anternet strangers here, observing from across a screen and powerless to ease the pain that would drive to seek out this place. This anonymity can be freeing in some ways, but in others it's caustic and eats at you, because you wish you could do more for others beyond just typing a few comforting words.

You make an interesting point about becoming desensitised to the shock value of suicide related topics. Much like you, I was nervous to register here, despite being suicidal for years and searching for methods on the old subreddit before it was banned.

I think our culture, on a global scale, tends to treat suicide as something inherently shocking, taboo, and grotesque, and holds the belief that when one experiences suicidality they should feel disturbed and ashamed. As a child, I truly bought into this, because of how other people would treat me when I expressed thoughts about ending my life. It was as if I were speaking in tongues to them, or spouting something vile, disturbing, and immoral.

After a long period of being suicidal, it seems like quite a few people break out of that mindset and stop viewing suicide discussion as an unsettling and taboo phenomenon. Once suicidaility has become a mundane fixture of one's everyday existence, it's hard to view it as anything but another part of life. You kind of have to in some circumstances, in order to stay sane. If I had the attitude that most people have about suicidality being an urgent and extreme crisis, I would burn out pretty quickly because I'd be in a "crisis" every day.

If someone has suicidal thoughts every single day for years and years, it's no wonder that over time the concept is no longer something shocking or scary due to the brain's ability to adapt to this and seek out homeostatic balance. Knowing this is simeltanously depressing and comforting. I am glad I don't feel shame about my state of mind anymore, but the rest of the world does not see it that way due to this extremely curated narrative about suicidal people, that we should feel shocked and ashamed to talk about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life certainly is so harsh. It just disturbs me how we exist in a world where there is unlimited potential to be tortured and feel pain, and of course due to the fact that chance cruelly determines everything there could never be anything fair about existing in a world where existing beings suffer all for no reason. This reality certainly is something horrific and undesirable to me.

 

[jamie_]

It makes me feel very guilty to be suicidal when I read some of the things people have gone through on here. I don't even pale in comparison. It hurts just trying to imagine experiencing what some people have here. I especially feel so sorry for our trans community on here; I can't go less than 5 minutes on twitter without seeing hateful stuff being spouted by bigots and I immediately think of all the trauma I've read people express on here and it makes me angry to think how cruel of a world we've created for those who simply committed the crime of being born in the wrong body.