Venting Life is shit

[annxietty]

The other day I had an argument with my sister, most of the times when people say stuff to me I just stay quiet and swallow everything, I can say one or two phrases, but not with confidence, then I go to my room and self harm or take medication, Valium works pretty well, I take two or three and I dont care about anything anymore... but this time I had enough.

I came from work, both my sister and her husband took like 2 weeks off from work to rest, and go to a music festival, I came extremely tired and sad because it had been a pretty rough day, but I didnt say anything and didnt show my frustration, (now, I want to clarify that Im currently working at the same place my sister works in, she's been there for 2 years already, Im only a temporary worker and started like 2 months ago) last thing I wanted was to remember work and talk about it, but then my sister started arguing with me saying she had recieved complaints about me, I was like "wtf?? how?? you are not even working at the moment?" but hold it in, tried to defend myself, it was useless, so I started arguing, which is pretty rare, I started saying that if anyone has anything to say about me they should say it to me, not to my fucking sister like Im a kid or something, and also I told her that the last thing I wanted was arguing about work in my time off, I wanted to rest. Her husband joined the arguing, of course against me, and I was like "wtf???? you dont have anything to do with any of this???" and started to complain about things I do at home. Please I want everyone to understand that these days I would come from work, and they would be in bed watching tv, no food to eat, the kitchen being a fucking mess, the house dirty asf, and then they would dress up and go to the music festival and I, tired asf, would have to clean their mess, AND STILL, this man had the audacity to complain to me that I had left a water bottle out of place, jesus christ, IM SORRY I CLEANED THE FUCKING KITCHEN BUT LEFT A FUCKING WATER BOTTLE OUTSIDE THE FRIDGE!! best thing was that they didnt even put it in the right place, they left it there for me to put in the right place lmaooo

More things happened but enough venting, I came to the conclusion that I either end it all, or find another place to live in, I cant even answer to all this bullshit because the house is not mine (Im paying part of the rent tho) so I have no right to fight back, the terrible psychologist I went to some weeks ago told me "your sister doesnt have the obligation to help you, you should listen and be quiet" When I told my mom this she couldnt believe the psychologist said something like that, she told me "you were 24/7 in a room that looked like a prison cell, no life, cuting yourself, killing yourself, one step away from suicide, living a nightmare, and you are telling me your sister didnt have any obligation to help you? Im sorry but I disagree wholeheartedly"

 

[Mirrory Me]

Yeah that so unreasonable, you should just talk to your sister that you feel overworked or taken for granted, that you need a break or something. Perhaps then it wasn't so personal between you two? I don't know what kind of lifestyle you would prefer but you and your wishes should be included. Sometimes even if we are in the same boat we might feel that we have different objectives in life, so just be clear.

 

[i dont feel real.]

She seems like a big pain. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Of the two options you gave, I think moving is the best one. But you are free to do whatever you think the best.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

The other day I had an argument with my sister, most of the times when people say stuff to me I just stay quiet and swallow everything, I can say one or two phrases, but not with confidence, then I go to my room and self harm or take medication, Valium works pretty well, I take two or three and I dont care about anything anymore... but this time I had enough.

I came from work, both my sister and her husband took like 2 weeks off from work to rest, and go to a music festival, I came extremely tired and sad because it had been a pretty rough day, but I didnt say anything and didnt show my frustration, (now, I want to clarify that Im currently working at the same place my sister works in, she's been there for 2 years already, Im only a temporary worker and started like 2 months ago) last thing I wanted was to remember work and talk about it, but then my sister started arguing with me saying she had recieved complaints about me, I was like "wtf?? how?? you are not even working at the moment?" but hold it in, tried to defend myself, it was useless, so I started arguing, which is pretty rare, I started saying that if anyone has anything to say about me they should say it to me, not to my fucking sister like Im a kid or something, and also I told her that the last thing I wanted was arguing about work in my time off, I wanted to rest. Her husband joined the arguing, of course against me, and I was like "wtf???? you dont have anything to do with any of this???" and started to complain about things I do at home. Please I want everyone to understand that these days I would come from work, and they would be in bed watching tv, no food to eat, the kitchen being a fucking mess, the house dirty asf, and then they would dress up and go to the music festival and I, tired asf, would have to clean their mess, AND STILL, this man had the audacity to complain to me that I had left a water bottle out of place, jesus christ, IM SORRY I CLEANED THE FUCKING KITCHEN BUT LEFT A FUCKING WATER BOTTLE OUTSIDE THE FRIDGE!! best thing was that they didnt even put it in the right place, they left it there for me to put in the right place lmaooo

More things happened but enough venting, I came to the conclusion that I either end it all, or find another place to live in, I cant even answer to all this bullshit because the house is not mine (Im paying part of the rent tho) so I have no right to fight back, the terrible psychologist I went to some weeks ago told me "your sister doesnt have the obligation to help you, you should listen and be quiet" When I told my mom this she couldnt believe the psychologist said something like that, she told me "you were 24/7 in a room that looked like a prison cell, no life, cuting yourself, killing yourself, one step away from suicide, living a nightmare, and you are telling me your sister didnt have any obligation to help you? Im sorry but I disagree wholeheartedly"

I'm sorry- it's hard when family members "hold the carrot over your nose"; basic things like housing or help end up used as a method for shaming or guilting you. When you're taught that love is "conditional" and made to feel like an obligation.

I wish I had some good advice for you; where I used to try and fight to get out from under my family's thumb…now I have just given up. I think years of abuse just kind of broke me