Life is over

[Daniel32]

My girlfriend funeral was today. She was the love of my life and my soul mate and my best friend. We were always both suicidal for a long time but she meant everything to me and gave me some hope. I feel bad because I didn't alert her family she was suicidal at the time because I didn't want to betray her trust or go behind her back. My head is a fucking mess over it all. I loved her so much. I have done research on sn over the last few months and am very greatful for this website for the opportunities given to people who are suicidal. I have been suicidal for most of my life and it seems to me that the sn route is the best option for me. Im waiting a few more weeks for my sn and other medications to arise in the post. Will cocaine help with the si while taking sn? Sorry for the rant all just after a horrendous day and I have nobody to talk to and miss my girlfriend so much