demuic
Life was a mistake
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,383
I'm tired. I'm really going insane. It feels like I'm stuck in a time loop, groundhog's day. The same shit happens over and over again. Pushing things to the next day and then the next day. Nothing ever changes. If it does, it's only for the worst.
I have nothing to do. Nothing entertains me. I collect so many video games and read so many stories every day to pass the time, and as escapism, but it's always onto the next new shiny thing without any satisfaction gained from the last. I rarely finish things as I tend to lose energy or interest and I always have to find something else to capture my attention. There is one video game I would truly like to finish before I ctb, but that's about it. The rest is just to distract me until I go.
I hate how there is no true satisfaction to be gained from anything. It is all fleeting. Happiness seems to last an instant, while boredom and misery last forever. I've always being chronically bored, even before I became truly depressed in my early teens.
There are many things I know will never go away and this feeling is one of them.
Everything is just passing time and it's worthless. Just doing something to have something to do. How is that meaningful? What's the point?
We're all just biological machines to evolved to survive long enough to pass on our genes. Any purpose or meaning outside of that is something humans have invented to justify prolonging their stay on this hell world, and to run away from their fear of death.
People want to stay alive because they have attachments to something here on earth. Over time, any attachments I had have been destroyed. I think this is something that has to happen if you have strong si preventing you from ctb.
There's nothing for me to live for. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything that I used to want. I barely want to make plans to deal with my health problems because I don't want to be alive. Every moment of existence is painful for me. I hate humans and I hate the universe. There is nothing to look forward to. There is nothing in my future.
To me, this makes death an easy choice. It's simply a matter of when, not if.
I have nothing to do. Nothing entertains me. I collect so many video games and read so many stories every day to pass the time, and as escapism, but it's always onto the next new shiny thing without any satisfaction gained from the last. I rarely finish things as I tend to lose energy or interest and I always have to find something else to capture my attention. There is one video game I would truly like to finish before I ctb, but that's about it. The rest is just to distract me until I go.
I hate how there is no true satisfaction to be gained from anything. It is all fleeting. Happiness seems to last an instant, while boredom and misery last forever. I've always being chronically bored, even before I became truly depressed in my early teens.
There are many things I know will never go away and this feeling is one of them.
Everything is just passing time and it's worthless. Just doing something to have something to do. How is that meaningful? What's the point?
We're all just biological machines to evolved to survive long enough to pass on our genes. Any purpose or meaning outside of that is something humans have invented to justify prolonging their stay on this hell world, and to run away from their fear of death.
People want to stay alive because they have attachments to something here on earth. Over time, any attachments I had have been destroyed. I think this is something that has to happen if you have strong si preventing you from ctb.
There's nothing for me to live for. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything that I used to want. I barely want to make plans to deal with my health problems because I don't want to be alive. Every moment of existence is painful for me. I hate humans and I hate the universe. There is nothing to look forward to. There is nothing in my future.
To me, this makes death an easy choice. It's simply a matter of when, not if.