Venting Life is just passing time

[リンさん]

Lately I've been feeling more and more hopeless. I'm fine, for the most part. But I realize that the reason why I'm still alive is because I'm in a constant state of anticipation.

I wait, and wait, and wait for happy chemicals to flood my brain from time to time. When I eat tasty food. When I buy something for myself. When I indulge in media that I somewhat enjoy. When I have a really nice chat with a stranger.

It all feels very nice, but almost never enough. When the happiness wears off, I just start to wait again. It's a constant cycle of either sadness or nothingness, and then occasional glimpses of joy.

I don't know if this is normal or not, but it is pretty exhausting. I'm scared of losing things I love, or not enjoying them anymore. I need a source of long lasting, sustainable happiness, but I'm not sure if it's possible for me.

I'm tired.

 

[sserafim]

Lately I've been feeling more and more hopeless. I'm fine, for the most part. But I realize that the reason why I'm still alive is because I'm in a constant state of anticipation.

I wait, and wait, and wait for happy chemicals to flood my brain from time to time. When I eat tasty food. When I buy something for myself. When I indulge in media that I somewhat enjoy. When I have a really nice chat with a stranger.

It all feels very nice, but almost never enough. When the happiness wears off, I just start to wait again. It's a constant cycle of either sadness or nothingness, and then occasional glimpses of joy.

I don't know if this is normal or not, but it is pretty exhausting. I'm scared of losing things I love, or not enjoying them anymore. I need a source of long lasting, sustainable happiness, but I'm not sure if it's possible for me.

I'm tired.

It literally is. Life is just chasing after that dopamine fix. It's just passing time until you die.

 

[リンさん]

It literally is. Life is just chasing after that dopamine fix. It's just passing time until you die.

Then I guess I'm in a sort of existential crisis then, haha

 

[gonnaregretthis]

i relate to this a lot. i feel like im just waiting for something to get better and it never happens. i try to hold on to those happy moments and make them last. its really hard.

 

[sserafim]

Then I guess I'm in a sort of existential crisis then, haha

Nah, I feel the same way. I think I'm having an existential crisis as well. Nothing brings me joy or happiness these days. I honestly think I have undiagnosed depression. I think that there's no meaning to life. I think that life is meaningless, we all just pass time by chasing after dopamine and serotonin. I guess we must try to be happy. Nothing in life makes me happy though, I just feel done and empty. I honestly don't care about anything, nothing matters to me.

The only reason why I haven't ctb yet is that I'm too scared to fail. I'd hate to end up with permanent damage. The risk and fear of failure is keeping me alive

 

[imsocold]

very real. I just feel guilty for living like this:( i want life to stop and wait for me, although this makes no sense

 

[sserafim]

very real. I just feel guilty for living like this:( i want life to stop and wait for me, although this makes no sense

Same, I want life to stop and wait for me as well. I feel behind and not ready to be an adult, but time is moving forward and passing me by. I wish I could have some time to catch up