Venting Life is hell without a means of escape

[Painless_end]

For me, suicide is a way to escape what feels like a future of pain, disappointment, and maybe even social humiliation.

I know it is similar for most of you on this site. Why would anyone CTB if they were well-adjusted physically and mentally in life, or atleast knew that they had the power to change their future for the better, even if their present was very difficult.

It is only when you know that you don't have what it takes to face life till old age, when you have to constantly measure your actions and words to avoid getting yourself into unsolvable situations, that you frequently feel the desire to CTB.

However, desire to CTB and acquired capacity to CTB are both essential for successful CTB. Many of us who are on this site, have the desire to CTB, that's why they are here. But few of us, have the capacity to do it.

And without the capacity to overcome survival instinct, desire remains only a desire i.e. unfulfiled.

 

[seafarer]

Iknowing that you have the means to be able to CBT at anytime is usually very liberating in itself. That's why I got the SN and all the bits sitting ready and waiting,just to be safe i also got another load of SN that will remain unopened just because I opened my first bottle to do the blood test pics I put up on this site. I know that stuff is probably totally fine as it was just opened for 20 seconds to drop on some blood but it was a potential for a weak point so I got the nrlew unsealed one which the the one I'll use if/ when time comes. But even that little doubt made me more anxious so the power of having your fate in hand is very seductive and brings its own sense of peace. The death of my father a few months back is now my main issue because it's made me feel trapped because of my mother and the thought of her having to lose me as well. So I have lost the calmness that comes with knowing if I need to I can CBT to feeling that I can't go thru with it due to those recent events with my father. So that's where my hell is coming from at the moment,I have got myself the tools but still feel trapped and out of my control because of my mother's reaction to my passing which might cause her to then CBT herself. So that's of added pressure in my mind. Apologies for such a long reply. I tltend to ramble