“Life is hard!”

[UmbosGirl]

I'm at this point where I'm kind of indifferent to the idea of staying alive. I just had a horrible six month breakup with my boyfriend, and dropped out of med school. My mental health is in the shitter, after years of having it more or less under control. This episode has become such a crushing disappointment about the nature of life. Even a good life will involve moments like this. I don't know why anyone chooses to stay alive tbh.

I don't want to keep spending years fighting my way out of holes only to slip back into them. It's not getting better. I'm getting worse. And more and more the idea of sticking around for a few moments of fleeting pleasure seems like bullshit. No happiness has ever been worth the pain and heartbreak and betrayal of life.

I'm planning on spending the last few weeks of my life getting high and trying to summon the gumption to jump off something high. I'm definitely strongly considering N as well, after reading this forum.

It's nice not to be talked out of it anymore. Thanks for this.

 

[BCas]

I hope whatever decision you make is done with a clear head/mind (drugs may interfere with this, but I don't know as I've never really used any other than alcohol and a marijuana gummy). If you decide to change your mind, there's no shame here. I believe there are people on this site that would be happy to talk with you and give you some kind of support (I'm not really one of those people, I can barely form sentences sometimes, but you can probably find them in the recovery section of the forums). I personally want to ctb as well but am just sticking around so I can try to explain the reason why to my family (or decide whether or not to) and to gather the rest of the materials for my method.
Wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[Living sucks]

Dying is harder. I mean the ability to commit and overcome SI. Unfortunately

 

[dandan]

Dying is tough, I have N, but continued searching for solutions. Found I had low testo and feeling fine.
Life is easy and it is not easy. We just have to do things OUTSIDE our comfort zone, which can be extremely uneasy. That's my point of view today.

 

[hunthunt]

As some others have said, living is really hard and tiresome but its even more tiresome to live idealising suicide for years without completing the task.

So either make it happen or seek help and get better, living thinking in kill yourself is worse than living with a fucking open wound between your fingers.

 

[Overnoutofhere]

I think many of us here have "bad" days! I feel like it's just black some days and death whatever it brings feels like a breath of fresh air and I feel like that's the only choice a valve relief ...

 

[Tintypographer]

I'm so sorry to hear how bad you feel. Yes it sure is hard. Dropping our of any school has to be the toughest feeling.

Empathetic thoughts for you!

 

[maru.]

I'm at this point where I'm kind of indifferent to the idea of staying alive. I just had a horrible six month breakup with my boyfriend, and dropped out of med school. My mental health is in the shitter, after years of having it more or less under control. This episode has become such a crushing disappointment about the nature of life. Even a good life will involve moments like this. I don't know why anyone chooses to stay alive tbh.

I don't want to keep spending years fighting my way out of holes only to slip back into them. It's not getting better. I'm getting worse. And more and more the idea of sticking around for a few moments of fleeting pleasure seems like bullshit. No happiness has ever been worth the pain and heartbreak and betrayal of life.

I'm planning on spending the last few weeks of my life getting high and trying to summon the gumption to jump off something high. I'm definitely strongly considering N as well, after reading this forum.

It's nice not to be talked out of it anymore. Thanks for this.

I'm about to drop out of med school as well, cuz i can't study at all for years.
The fact that it's an expensive school just rubs salt into the wound.
Can't wait for my parents to despise me, cuz that's what a kid is once you invest so much money into it, an asset above all else, one that has to deliver.
Gonna work on my father's store, years of studying and being great at my classes only for it to lead into fucking nothing.
It's weird looking and colleagues, always going after the online classes, the slides, the books, etc.
I feel so disconnected, is like everyone is a robot, whose focus is to have a successful career, and that's what life is all about to everyone.
I don't know how people can be interested in all of this stuff, everything just seems so boring.
Good career, spouse, kids, and working on all of those things until you're old and die, that's what life seems to be, so much effort for this seems kind of meh.

I'm tired.
btw, i've posted enough in this forum that i can do PMs now, so if you want to, cuz we both are dropping out of med school, so maybe we have stuff in common to talk about, i'm available.
Take care.

 

[Halnas]

Living through those bad periods is easier than committing yourself to CTB. And lots of people are just simply afraid of death. That's how ordinary people get through those times. And with lots of booze.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Med school is not easy.
How often do you hear news report doctors/nurse commit suicide due to high stress at work?
It may be a nice career and ethnically rewarding but the training time and effect on mental health simply doesn't pay off in the long run.

Sorry for being "generic" but
If something doesn't work, try something else, it may exceed your expectations.

As for relationships,
plenty of boys in the ocean you can catch,
ex-es are not wroth your time.

 

[Pan]

Was there some significant event that prompted your exit from medical school? I was supposed to follow in family tradition of a doctors...one can only imagine their reaction when I got a bfa degree in, of all things uh, EXPERIMENTAL, filmmaking. I mean, how utilitarian, huh?

 

[plough22]

Dying is tough, I have N, but continued searching for solutions. Found I had low testo and feeling fine.
Life is easy and it is not easy. We just have to do things OUTSIDE our comfort zone, which can be extremely uneasy. That's my point of view today.

It is hard to get N, where?

It is hard to get N, where?

Probably cause of Med background

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Welcome and sorry for what you are going through. How long did your former relationship last for, if I'm not prying?

 

[UmbosGirl]

Thanks for the words of support. <3 messages are ok. I don't do well in groups.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

It is hard to get N, where?

Probably cause of Med background

Look through the forum (getting N from A, getting N from C megathreads). I am not encouraging you to do something illegal, just to do your research.

 

[maru.]

Thanks for the words of support. <3 messages are ok. I don't do well in groups.

I don't know if by "messages are ok. I don't do well in groups" you meant to say that you prefer talking in PMs over this thread, maybe i'm interpreting poorly, but if that's the case, well, i've tried sending a message and it doesn't work, probably because you still have very few posts, i don't remember the exact amount, but you'll have to post more stuff to be able to send and receive PMs.

Perhaps i'm overthinking it and that's not what you meant, idk, i'm dumb.

 

[UmbosGirl]

Lol, that is what I meant. Sorry for being oblique.

 

[maru.]

Lol, that is what I meant. Sorry for being oblique.

You weren't oblique, this one's one me haha.
And in the end i interpreted it correctly, i was just unsure and insecure about my correct interpretation because idk.
Jeez, i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore haha.
Well, the thing i said earlier still stands.
Gonna have to post a bit more to PM people, but it's quicker than you might imagine, so it's ok.
Once PMs work for you, feel free to send me one at anytime so we can talk about how much med school sucks.

 

[_Minsk]

I'm at this point where I'm kind of indifferent to the idea of staying alive. I just had a horrible six month breakup with my boyfriend, and dropped out of med school. My mental health is in the shitter, after years of having it more or less under control. This episode has become such a crushing disappointment about the nature of life. Even a good life will involve moments like this. I don't know why anyone chooses to stay alive tbh.

I don't want to keep spending years fighting my way out of holes only to slip back into them. It's not getting better. I'm getting worse. And more and more the idea of sticking around for a few moments of fleeting pleasure seems like bullshit. No happiness has ever been worth the pain and heartbreak and betrayal of life.

I'm planning on spending the last few weeks of my life getting high and trying to summon the gumption to jump off something high. I'm definitely strongly considering N as well, after reading this forum.

It's nice not to be talked out of it anymore. Thanks for this.

would you mind me asking what caused you guys to breakup?

 

[UmbosGirl]

Three years long distance made me crazy. It's not his fault. I do this to myself.

It's window dressing tbh. I'm not sure what my real problem is but it definitely runs deeper than what I'm going through atm. Whatever makes me self destruct, I'm tired of fighting it.

 

[Whatsthepointanyway]

I'm sorry to hear how you feel. I have a few friends at med school that hates it too. Don't know why anyone would put themselves through that. They put good people that want to help others through absolute hell. It's fucking bullshit.

On the relationship front. Breakups suck. I'm sorry. Two things to think about

1. Breakups are a big hit of pain. You might not feel so intensely in a few months. Make sure you're sure you have a clear head when you ctb
2. If this guy was a dick then fuck it. But if you ctb immediately after a breakup this guy is going to feel responsible. Maybe he was. But think a little about what message you want to send him.