life is hard

[fluttershy444]

i had a really good discussion with a friend, it was ironic because i was giving her advice and trying hard to convince her that things will get better. but i dont know if i believe that for myself. i felt like i did in that moment but especially right now, at night, it feels like the effort isn't worth it. trying hard to think of my cats, and my siblings when i feel like this because they need me to stay. but my mind wanders, knowing that eventually everyone will move on. but it's unnecessary hurt and pain for them if i ever do decide to go through with it, and i don't want pain to be the last thing i give everyone i love. i hope we can all try to reconcile these hard thoughts, try to be better and know that we are all valuable people. i am really trying hard, every day. not that it matters to anyone, not that anyone can see it, but there's peace in that i know every day i wake up and choose to stay it's an effort.