Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Venting as I wait for food to come so I can "binge eat" and the go the fuck back to sleep hopefully. Binge eating at this point is eating a regular meal../eating a little more than my stomach can naturally handle rn.
Life is full of catch 22's from:
"wanna live?": here's all these uphill battles that make it impossible.
"Wanna die": here's all these obstacles in the way of doing that.
Can't win whether its living or dying. Im fucking sick of it but I'm choosing dying
I don't understand why methods have to be so fucking stupidly complicated or inaccessible. Brain fog caused by many things makes it hard enough but then throw in survival instincts & not having a method be able to be purchased easily/that being complicated.
Likeeee this is tiring. This is a battle that needs to end. It needs to end soon.
That's all. My order is taking longer for whatever reason
I am yawning a lot rn so my body is ready to go to sleep again but needa wait.... bc eating is healthy and blah blah blah... whatever honestly. At this point I'm sick of everything.
Why can't either choices be easier. I'm sick of this struggle so much.
Just needa keep myself awake for at least 20 more mins...
The only joys these days come from little moments of laughter from watching youtube or tv shows. It's just depressing tbh.
I've really stopped enjoying the experience of living. I'm tired as hell rn. I can't wait to just eat and continue to sleep.
My current hypersomnia is def a stress response at this point. I'm constantly overwhelmed abd have been for MONTHS NOW.
Who the fuck wants to live constantly overwelmed. Never getting a break or a reprieve and if so it barly fucking lasts.
Im grateful for the little things of ease. Like ordering out. Being able to find things that make me laugh. Living alone & relatively comfortable. Stuff like that.
Otherwise I hate life & my functioning levels & capacity is waning.
Kkkkkk food is almost here... took me awhile to write bc I'm switching between tabs & I'm sleepy& hungry.
Hopefully I can end my life soon.
Life is full of catch 22's from:
"wanna live?": here's all these uphill battles that make it impossible.
"Wanna die": here's all these obstacles in the way of doing that.
Can't win whether its living or dying. Im fucking sick of it but I'm choosing dying
I don't understand why methods have to be so fucking stupidly complicated or inaccessible. Brain fog caused by many things makes it hard enough but then throw in survival instincts & not having a method be able to be purchased easily/that being complicated.
Likeeee this is tiring. This is a battle that needs to end. It needs to end soon.
That's all. My order is taking longer for whatever reason
I am yawning a lot rn so my body is ready to go to sleep again but needa wait.... bc eating is healthy and blah blah blah... whatever honestly. At this point I'm sick of everything.
Why can't either choices be easier. I'm sick of this struggle so much.
Just needa keep myself awake for at least 20 more mins...
The only joys these days come from little moments of laughter from watching youtube or tv shows. It's just depressing tbh.
I've really stopped enjoying the experience of living. I'm tired as hell rn. I can't wait to just eat and continue to sleep.
My current hypersomnia is def a stress response at this point. I'm constantly overwhelmed abd have been for MONTHS NOW.
Who the fuck wants to live constantly overwelmed. Never getting a break or a reprieve and if so it barly fucking lasts.
Im grateful for the little things of ease. Like ordering out. Being able to find things that make me laugh. Living alone & relatively comfortable. Stuff like that.
Otherwise I hate life & my functioning levels & capacity is waning.
Kkkkkk food is almost here... took me awhile to write bc I'm switching between tabs & I'm sleepy& hungry.
Hopefully I can end my life soon.
one of my fav cuisines
