Venting Life is becoming too painful

[Squiddy]

Tonight was probably my least productive night stocking. We were supposed to get done 2 pallets and I was only able to do barely one. I was too trapped in my head and dissociating to do a good job that I did a few nights ago

My mom is stressing me out because she wants me out of her house in a few days and I still haven't really found a place. I really don't want to room with a stranger as I don't feel comfortable and the friends I did ask to move in with me I don't think are serious.

I tried telling my mom that it's extremely difficult finding a place to stay and she told me that it isn't her problem :(

Life is becoming a bit too painful. Everyday is hell. All I enjoy at this point is getting high and sleeping. I really don't want to do this anymore. I'm so glad I have my method so if I do become homeless, I can end things quickly.

 

[blue_muse]

I hear you about family. My relative's more sly compared to your mother, in that ****'ll create a hostile environment in the hope I snap and say "I'm moving out!". That way, my relative has a clear conscience and can say to ***self "**** wanted to move out. I wasn't forceful.".

Your mother is heartless. Being street homeless is no life; who can blame you wanting to CTB .

 

[Julgran]

I tried telling my mom that it's extremely difficult finding a place to stay and she told me that it isn't her problem :(

I see that your relationship with your mother is strained, and it seems like she thinks that getting a living space is easy, which may just be a generational lack of understanding on her part.

One would think that a parent would actually help their child. Could you ask her to assist you in finding an apartment? Perhaps she would realize that you actually don't resist moving out.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a cruel life and it does seem as though it is impossible to escape from suffering. I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation, it sounds like you are going through a lot and I cannot imagine how hard it must be. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[Squiddy]

I see that your relationship with your mother is strained, and it seems like she thinks that getting a living space is easy, which may just be a generational lack of understanding on her part.

One would think that a parent would actually help their child. Could you ask her to assist you in finding an apartment? Perhaps she would realize that you actually don't resist moving out.

She said a long time ago that she wouldn't be helping me out with one :(

 

[Hurt]

Yes. Same for me. I don't know what it's happening but I am feeling more suicidal than these last months.

 

[whatevs]

Sadly, it seems your mother is a piece of shit.

 

[Jupit3rs]

I'm sorry you are going through this... I feel the same, I wish I could get high or something, sadly I have no idea how to get drugs lol, so sleeping is my only friend rn. Your mom doesn't seems like a kind person... in this moment in time its hard to be independent or have a place, the world makes everything more difficult. I'm wishing you the best tho, nobody deserves go be suffering like this.

 

[Julgran]

She said a long time ago that she wouldn't be helping me out with one :(

That's unfortunate.

Could you bring this subject up with your friends again, and tell them that your situation is really serious, and that you really need some place to live?

 

[Squiddy]

That's unfortunate.

Could you bring this subject up with your friends again, and tell them that your situation is really serious, and that you really need some place to live?

I don't think I can because one of them I think went to a treatment center, the other quit her job and the other is having relationship issues and I don't want to get inbetween it :(

 

[September Salt]

I don't think I can because one of them I think went to a treatment center, the other quit her job and the other is having relationship issues and I don't want to get inbetween it :(

Your problems are important too. Won't the one who quit her job need money? maybe you could give her some if she helps you out. That way you can not be homeless and avoid CTB.

 

[FallingGrace]

Do you mind me asking which country you live in? I can find some resources to send you to help with housing and homelessness if you live in the UK

 

[hellispink]

This reminds me to my heartless mother. She sees I am struggling and broken, and all she does it be cold and only care about herself. We indeed do not deserve such a cruel and horrible life. This situation can feel like we are trapped with no exit. I have been through it too. By this point, I myself am close to ending the pain.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Damn, that sounds rough OP, sorry to hear that. I really hope your mom's being like this as her own way of forcing you into becomign independent (like a shock treatment)? And maybe if you still can't she'll help you out in the end? I'm trying to be charitable bc I can't imagine a normal parent being this cold. I really hope your life gets better soon.

IDK where you're from but maybe finding a place through social network is an option? In our country we do that. That way you could find a place, not with complete strangers, but maybe like friends of friends or coworker or something.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry squiddy.
I really hope something will work out. This world is so awful.

 

[LifeHasNoOptIn]

So sorry you are having to go through this. I hope you are able to find a solution.

 

[Squiddy]

Your problems are important too. Won't the one who quit her job need money? maybe you could give her some if she helps you out. That way you can not be homeless and avoid CTB.

She's currently also still living with her parents :(

Do you mind me asking which country you live in? I can find some resources to send you to help with housing and homelessness if you live in the UK

I live in the US

This reminds me to my heartless mother. She sees I am struggling and broken, and all she does it be cold and only care about herself. We indeed do not deserve such a cruel and horrible life. This situation can feel like we are trapped with no exit. I have been through it too. By this point, I myself am close to ending the pain.

I'm sorry that your mom is also heartless I feel like mine doesn't actually love me, she just loves the idea of loving me and loves the amount of control she has over my life (in the past whenever I tried to live my life and hang out with friends or acquaintances a lot, she would get upset and tell me how I'm just going to do whatever I want. She even took my car and phone for over a year and limited how much internet time I would get that was when I was 20).

Damn, that sounds rough OP, sorry to hear that. I really hope your mom's being like this as her own way of forcing you into becomign independent (like a shock treatment)? And maybe if you still can't she'll help you out in the end? I'm trying to be charitable bc I can't imagine a normal parent being this cold. I really hope your life gets better soon.

IDK where you're from but maybe finding a place through social network is an option? In our country we do that. That way you could find a place, not with complete strangers, but maybe like friends of friends or coworker or something.

Idk what she's doing at this point. She hasn't brought it up in a few days, but I requested to set up a few tours for a few affordable apartments. She already said in the past she won't cosign or help me with anything :(

 

[blue_muse]

Do you know what you're going to do ?

 

[Squiddy]

Do you know what you're going to do ?

Not really, but I feel like I might be nearing just ctb if my life doesn't improve. I'm so tired of everything

 

[blue_muse]

Not really, but I feel like I might be nearing just ctb if my life doesn't improve. I'm so tired of everything

I hear you completely. When the odds are continuously stacked against you; there's only so much a person can take .

 

[Squiddy]

I hear you completely. When the odds are continuously stacked against you; there's only so much a person can take .

Yeah and I feel like I'm reaching my limit :(