notmyusername
Da Fan of Stuffs
- Feb 1, 2024
- 31
I sometimes find it extremely hard to take life seriously. I don't love myself, man. I am a joke. I'm like a character in some sick and twisted comedy film. I sometimes just begin to laugh. It's so funny that these terrible things are happening to this awkward, weird, unlikeable character. Which is me.
When my ex-stepfather abused me, I would lie. Not lie and say it wasn't going on, because eventually it was out in the open he was attracted to minors when I reported him. I said I caught him with a kid. Nothing happened to me. The me buried deep in my mind. Nothing happened to that cynical asshole up there, cause if anything, that was hilarious. And that kid totally deserved it. IM NEVER GONNA BE FUCKING CLEAN MAN. FUCK PTSD. Drugs are the only thing that stops it, fuck!!!!!!!
And once I'm high I obviously give no fucks too. I don't care about who I hurt sometimes. I just feel like I have the upper hand cause I got my droogs and their dumbasses don't even know. The only person who I like, don't feel this way at all towards is my partner. Hurting him hurts me. But is it worse than the deep, sharp pain in my heart every night? Why is it there? Why? Why do I have to see such terrible things? My mind can't process it. And I get punished. Over and over and over.
That is why I can't take myself or life seriously. None of it means anything. It's random good and bad shit. No rhythm or rhyme, the Universe gives no fucks about anyones.
When my ex-stepfather abused me, I would lie. Not lie and say it wasn't going on, because eventually it was out in the open he was attracted to minors when I reported him. I said I caught him with a kid. Nothing happened to me. The me buried deep in my mind. Nothing happened to that cynical asshole up there, cause if anything, that was hilarious. And that kid totally deserved it. IM NEVER GONNA BE FUCKING CLEAN MAN. FUCK PTSD. Drugs are the only thing that stops it, fuck!!!!!!!
And once I'm high I obviously give no fucks too. I don't care about who I hurt sometimes. I just feel like I have the upper hand cause I got my droogs and their dumbasses don't even know. The only person who I like, don't feel this way at all towards is my partner. Hurting him hurts me. But is it worse than the deep, sharp pain in my heart every night? Why is it there? Why? Why do I have to see such terrible things? My mind can't process it. And I get punished. Over and over and over.
That is why I can't take myself or life seriously. None of it means anything. It's random good and bad shit. No rhythm or rhyme, the Universe gives no fucks about anyones.
