It is not my opinion rather a sentiment that I recognize in some people. When I was a suicidal teenager I thought life was the game first one dying.
I think this was quite stupid. I was very suicidal and suffered silently. Sadly it got way way worse.
For many the goal is to live a long and fulfiling life and that is completely fine. However life is not such a competition. It is not about who wins life.
Personally I have the feeling my dad has such a "last man standing" attitude. My dad is a completely ignorant jerk. He often already made jokes about people who commited suicide in front of me. Though when he opened up about his mild suicidality he almost broke down in front of me and cried. Sometimes he really digusts me because he is absolutely not self-aware how hypocritical he is.
I am scared that when I ctb the people who carry on with living have to deal with my death. The people who live on don't simply stop existing when I die. Though for people with extremely long lives it must also be painful to see so many other people dying.
I think there is the huge discussion about quantity or quality when we talk about life. My personal answer is I would be okay with a mediocre or fine life that does not force me to kill myself. Sadly there don't seem to be many opportunities for me to get such a life.
I also saw the idea of life as "last man standing" in TV shows. Friends make jokes who will die prematurely. Maybe that is a coping skill for average people to handle the fact that they will die one day. I think many people try to avoid the topic death because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Covid or wars around the globe remind many people that their time on earth is limited.
The goal to live very long always felt foreign to me. I am suicidal since I am 15. I think this influences one's relation to life and death a lot. I would not say death is a friend of mine. It could also be an enemy when he chooses a very torturous end for me. Though I realize I want to have the opportunity to have a self-determined death. This is something that comforts me and gives me strength to carry on. The knowledge there is an exit comforts me.
I think if one suffers on a daily basis and has persistent suicidal ideation for almost a decade this changes a lot in a human. My mind often feels like a trap.
I often wonder when people tell me how scared they are about nuclear annihilation. I had this discussion also with friends. They are also scared about dying in one's sleep. I told them I don't really understand that because you would not know it anyway. But clearly the people who have to deal with it suffer because of it.
The stroke of my mom made me realize that I will die when my parents die. There are many reasons for that. I could never live without their support. Moreover they are the one's who would suffer the most because of my suicide.
I don't know I really struggle to make this a coherent thread. I often wonder how positive other people perceive life. Instead I relate to many things which are written in this forum. However sometimes they are a little bit too nihilistic..
I congratulate you for having wasted your time by reading this thread. Sorry for that.
I think this was quite stupid. I was very suicidal and suffered silently. Sadly it got way way worse.
For many the goal is to live a long and fulfiling life and that is completely fine. However life is not such a competition. It is not about who wins life.
Personally I have the feeling my dad has such a "last man standing" attitude. My dad is a completely ignorant jerk. He often already made jokes about people who commited suicide in front of me. Though when he opened up about his mild suicidality he almost broke down in front of me and cried. Sometimes he really digusts me because he is absolutely not self-aware how hypocritical he is.
I am scared that when I ctb the people who carry on with living have to deal with my death. The people who live on don't simply stop existing when I die. Though for people with extremely long lives it must also be painful to see so many other people dying.
I think there is the huge discussion about quantity or quality when we talk about life. My personal answer is I would be okay with a mediocre or fine life that does not force me to kill myself. Sadly there don't seem to be many opportunities for me to get such a life.
I also saw the idea of life as "last man standing" in TV shows. Friends make jokes who will die prematurely. Maybe that is a coping skill for average people to handle the fact that they will die one day. I think many people try to avoid the topic death because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Covid or wars around the globe remind many people that their time on earth is limited.
The goal to live very long always felt foreign to me. I am suicidal since I am 15. I think this influences one's relation to life and death a lot. I would not say death is a friend of mine. It could also be an enemy when he chooses a very torturous end for me. Though I realize I want to have the opportunity to have a self-determined death. This is something that comforts me and gives me strength to carry on. The knowledge there is an exit comforts me.
I think if one suffers on a daily basis and has persistent suicidal ideation for almost a decade this changes a lot in a human. My mind often feels like a trap.
I often wonder when people tell me how scared they are about nuclear annihilation. I had this discussion also with friends. They are also scared about dying in one's sleep. I told them I don't really understand that because you would not know it anyway. But clearly the people who have to deal with it suffer because of it.
The stroke of my mom made me realize that I will die when my parents die. There are many reasons for that. I could never live without their support. Moreover they are the one's who would suffer the most because of my suicide.
I don't know I really struggle to make this a coherent thread. I often wonder how positive other people perceive life. Instead I relate to many things which are written in this forum. However sometimes they are a little bit too nihilistic..
I congratulate you for having wasted your time by reading this thread. Sorry for that.
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