dear god. it started when i broke up with them because i didn't feel happy, she is financially irresponsible, and i was scared of being married to someone who made me feel lifeless. i was scared i was going to be in a situation where the marriage becomes loveless and horrible and ugh.
after i ended things, she just… went off on me. accused me and then blamed themselves and gaslit me and guilt-tripped me.
also she owes me $115.
i felt small and insignificant. it was like dating my parents.
and then she started to pry into my tumblr posts and thinking it was about them, which is bold. and then she was interrogating me about them and i just got overwhelmed and had to block them. (oh earlier in the day she blew up my phone. i couldn't handle it.)
so i blocked on discord. and then she went to whatsapp and left me awful messages. and then i blocked. then insta, rinse and repeat.
she went to my alt discord account and said "you're right, you are a terrible person." and then went to my fucking TUMBLR and left HORRIBLE anonymous asks on there. i was in a vc and saw them come in real-time. i blocked them on there too.
i feel guilty and hurt and in pain. like yeah, i know i'm a terrible person, though people around me say otherwise.
i hate my life. how do i always do this? i don't even know.
here are some *lovely* examples of the harassment.
- guy i'm obsessed with used me and then is now dating someone else and then sent me mixed fucking signals and then backed away and then like i think he still likes me. (he's depressed, so i think he chose an easy option, but i don't think he's happy.)
yeah so i reconnected with a friend from a year ago, before i had gone to finland we broke things off bc i was dating someone else. and like before i was in an open relationship he started to be flirty towards me. flash forward, i'm obsessed with him and we're doing stuff. i sent the man my panties. MY PANTIES. in the MAIL.
i had this weird nagging feeling cause he was bringing this girl around and i asked him if he and [x] were doing things and he said yes and they had become a thing like a week ago. and then he's like "best we don't do things for now."
i felt used. thrown away and used. I FUCKING CUT HIS INITIALS INTO MY HIPS. i don't even regret that, but i wish he SAID something. anyway.
i think he still likes me because he:
- talks to me more in VC than his own gf.
- usually comments on what i say.
- says hi to me first.
- says bye to me first.
- sent me messages saying he misses me and missed doing stuff with me before he went back and edited/deleted it.
- says he's extremely concerned about me and my family (my mom was in the ER/hospital that week).
it has thrown me for a loop. i think he didn't know i had a thing, and this girl was an easier option cause she's sort of like all the other girls he's dated (toxic and manipulative).
like i'm there for him as a friend and like the way he typed stuff, i dunno. it had a different… vibe to it than other stuff so u can say i'm confused.
i don't like him anymore and i'm now like doing stuff with a NICE guy. but still, i think i want him to choose me so i can self-destruct and just be closer to wanting to ctb.
it's annoying. it's frustrating. he had dropped the fact that he wanted to date me. so.
agh.
