Life has beat me down, it would have been better for me not to have tried at all

[joshe]

I kept deluding myself that things were going to get better, that i just needed to try a different job, or move to a different country, or meditate a little more, or 'gain perspective'

Let me tell you that this is all trash. The people that used to outcast me and talk down to me? Mostly doing well in well-connected high powered jobs

People that used to bully me in school

Still have their same group of friends and don't even think of me anymore

You can cope with platitudes, but that doesn't change the fact that some of us exist to be crush and humiliated, That is our only purpose in this wretched life and there's no-one to blame for it.

Edit: Forgot to mention the most important part, if i had not aimed high, if i had not exposed myself to the crushing situations i did, i could have lived a pretty average, unaffected life.

But i had to push myself, i had to always be better, to think i was worth something, but the world showed me what i was worth, less than nothing.

All those internships, all those hundreds of hours studying alone with no friends, all those jobs fired for being 'not a good fit', all those volunteerships that blew up in my face i seriously wish i never did any of it now and there's no-one to even be angry at.

 

[TooConscious]

I feel your pain that there's 'no one to even be angry at'
Or in cases where we are vengeful people, too many. For example there are about 30 people I can note right now I think of every day who have made mine or family members life hell who are enjoying their lives but there is no way of getting back at them. You just have to accept existence is evil.
We hurt them, our suffering stays the same and even if you wanted too by the time you got back at one you'd be apprehended. Injustice is a joke. Sorry venting.

 

[Red]

People who take responsibility for themselves often end up shouldering the blame for dickheads around them refusing to own up to their own shit - I get this a lot!
Somehow being more culpable for the same shit everyone gets away with all the time lol

 

[joshe]

The longer i live, the longer i can see that there is no connection with being a good person and succeeding in this world

Gonna read this book next