Hello all,
First post.
Some background. I lived a life where I had more than most. My family had money but was always humble. I never felt like I experienced any Big T Trauma. A lot of things were going well.
Then I met gambling. I couldn't stop gambling. I was doing things Normal people would never do in regards to gambling. I knew I was an addict a few years into my gambling. Over the last 10 years I've relapsed multiple times.
Prior to these last 10 months, I dated the love of my life for 6 years. I liked her for 8 years prior to that. She is by far and away one of the best humans on earth. She left me 10 months ago after being very supportive for so long. My addiction made me do a lot of stuff I never could understand and it drove her away finally.
I decided to go to rehab last month and it was a great 30 days. I felt I finally understood my addiction. Shortly after I got back the love of my life and I had a big falling out and she has essentially cut my out of her life for the last 30 days.
I had so many thoughts and actions to CBT for the last 10 years but now I finally feel at peace and that I am ready. Nothing in this physical world takes away the pain I'm feeling. I miss the woman I love. It's indescribable what I am feeling. People tell me to move on but those people simply don't understand what I feel. She will not even give me the time of day to talk to me. This world doesn't feel like it's for me. I wish I could trade all the good in my life to never have that addiction and what it did to me and my life.
I've decided to CBT. I have two more weeks or so of getting my affairs in order. The hardest part is of course my parents, but the pain I've caused them already will finally stop.
Thank y'all for listening. I hope to keep updated on this thread as time comes.
First post.
Some background. I lived a life where I had more than most. My family had money but was always humble. I never felt like I experienced any Big T Trauma. A lot of things were going well.
Then I met gambling. I couldn't stop gambling. I was doing things Normal people would never do in regards to gambling. I knew I was an addict a few years into my gambling. Over the last 10 years I've relapsed multiple times.
Prior to these last 10 months, I dated the love of my life for 6 years. I liked her for 8 years prior to that. She is by far and away one of the best humans on earth. She left me 10 months ago after being very supportive for so long. My addiction made me do a lot of stuff I never could understand and it drove her away finally.
I decided to go to rehab last month and it was a great 30 days. I felt I finally understood my addiction. Shortly after I got back the love of my life and I had a big falling out and she has essentially cut my out of her life for the last 30 days.
I had so many thoughts and actions to CBT for the last 10 years but now I finally feel at peace and that I am ready. Nothing in this physical world takes away the pain I'm feeling. I miss the woman I love. It's indescribable what I am feeling. People tell me to move on but those people simply don't understand what I feel. She will not even give me the time of day to talk to me. This world doesn't feel like it's for me. I wish I could trade all the good in my life to never have that addiction and what it did to me and my life.
I've decided to CBT. I have two more weeks or so of getting my affairs in order. The hardest part is of course my parents, but the pain I've caused them already will finally stop.
Thank y'all for listening. I hope to keep updated on this thread as time comes.
