Venting Letting it out before I CTB

[lecyleclec]

I'm planning on CTB using SN as soon as it arrives along with my other drugs, so probably sometime next week.

Before that, I just wanted to vent about what I'm going through because I can't seem to find anyone in a similar situation. My life is pretty good as far as life goes. My parents pay for my school and let me live with them for free. I'm in pretty good physical health. My parents have a pretty good amount of money.

However, this doesn't change the emotional and psychological hell I have to endure on a daily basis. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and BPD (borderline personality disorder). The BPD affects me the worst by far. I seem to have zero control over my emotions and they're very strong and it's an awful experience. It seems like I'm always in love with someone who couldn't care less if I fucking disappeared, and I crush on basically any man who's my type. Nobody ever fucking likes me because of fatphobia and the fact that I'm just generally ugly.

I was born male, and I identified as a gay man for awhile, but I am now nonbinary. Basically, my existence is not accepted anywhere in the world, not even under the roof I live under. I live with my mom, who told me she would never accept me as a trans woman. Being nonbinary is not the same, but it still involves me being born male and presenting feminine.

So yeah the psychological hell plus my mere existence being controversial is enough to send me over the edge.

Not to mention, I just generally hate this world. Humans are so fucking cruel to each other, as well as animals and the earth. We uphold capitalism and let being a wage slave just to stay alive be normalized, and let those who are unemployed simply die a slow, painful death. Human rights are always under attack. The planet is fucking dying. I just don't want to be around for the hell that is living anymore.

Anyways. Thank you all for letting me vent.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, that sounds really unbearable what you are going through. I agree that it is such a horrible world that we live in, and I want nothing to do with this life at all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Achlys]

Enduring such psychological pain is awful, no doubt. I'm sorry you find yourself subjected to such suffering and that the world has brought you to this point.

 

[lecyleclec]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, that sounds really unbearable what you are going through. I agree that it is such a horrible world that we live in, and I want nothing to do with this life at all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Rereading my original post I'm realizing it's very tip-of-the-iceberg. I didn't even go into detail of the pain I have endured in my love life these past couple months. Though I have posted about it on reddit for anyone who is curious. Anyways, thank you so much for your kind words. I hope things go well for you as well.

Enduring such psychological pain is awful, no doubt. I'm sorry you find yourself subjected to such suffering and that the world has brought you to this point.

Thank you. I'm hoping there aren't many in the same boat as me.

 

[nixdeath]

I'm planning on CTB using SN as soon as it arrives along with my other drugs, so probably sometime next week.

Before that, I just wanted to vent about what I'm going through because I can't seem to find anyone in a similar situation. My life is pretty good as far as life goes. My parents pay for my school and let me live with them for free. I'm in pretty good physical health. My parents have a pretty good amount of money.

However, this doesn't change the emotional and psychological hell I have to endure on a daily basis. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and BPD (borderline personality disorder). The BPD affects me the worst by far. I seem to have zero control over my emotions and they're very strong and it's an awful experience. It seems like I'm always in love with someone who couldn't care less if I fucking disappeared, and I crush on basically any man who's my type. Nobody ever fucking likes me because of fatphobia and the fact that I'm just generally ugly.

I was born male, and I identified as a gay man for awhile, but I am now nonbinary. Basically, my existence is not accepted anywhere in the world, not even under the roof I live under. I live with my mom, who told me she would never accept me as a trans woman. Being nonbinary is not the same, but it still involves me being born male and presenting feminine.

So yeah the psychological hell plus my mere existence being controversial is enough to send me over the edge.

Not to mention, I just generally hate this world. Humans are so fucking cruel to each other, as well as animals and the earth. We uphold capitalism and let being a wage slave just to stay alive be normalized, and let those who are unemployed simply die a slow, painful death. Human rights are always under attack. The planet is fucking dying. I just don't want to be around for the hell that is living anymore.

Anyways. Thank you all for letting me vent.

Life is so cruel to so many. Its horrible you had to go through this, I'm so sorry.