Let's take a deep breath and...

[WornOutLife]

Let's take a deep breath and look around..

You're on SS, reading this thread and maybe other threads while chatting with some members.

You feel relieved and understood. Am I right?

Yes, that's what I feel too.

I'm kinda drunk right now but every time you and I share experiences here, it's amazing.

Thanks for being here. I'm still alive thanks to you!

Btw, you should really check some Sam Harris' meditation videos (no religion at all). They're similar to my intro lol.

Hugs to you all,

Matt

 

[BandAddict]

I don't use the chat here, but I know what you mean. This place is unlike anywhere else or anyone else in my goddamn life. The weight of my worst moments feels a little lighter when I come here.

 

[mini_weeny]

Can I ask why did ur attempt fail?

 

[Amumu]

Let's take a deep breath and look around..

You're on SS, reading this thread and maybe other threads while chatting with some members.

You feel relieved and understood. Am I right?

Yes, that's what I feel too.

I'm kinda drunk right now but every time you and I share experiences here, it's amazing.

Thanks for being here. I'm still alive thanks to you!

Btw, you should really check some Sam Harris' meditation videos (no religion at all). They're similar to my intro lol.

Hugs to you all,

Matt

Man I love Sam Harris. He's really clever. Particularly his critics towards religion.

 

[mini_weeny]

Man I love Sam Harris. He's really clever. Particularly his critics towards religion.

Liked him before he became all zen. I think he's a narcissist too and maybe not a smart as he thinks he is.

 

[Whole-Ad]

I really feel more comfortable talking here. Whenever I talk to people in real life about how I'm feeling, they either shut me down and say I'm wrong about my beliefs or that I'm just being negative. It's gotten to the point where I can't stand hearing all the positive bullshit of 'things get better', 'you have so much to live for', or 'you have your whole life ahead of you'. I don't think they understand that I can't see any future. Maybe they can see themselves having children or getting married and having their dream job. I don't see anything at all, it's just black.

 

[WornOutLife]

Can I ask why did ur attempt fail?

Sure!
I've had 3 failed attempts so far.

1st: I tried to hang myself (partial) but only felt pain in my neck and my head about to explode. I gave up after some minutes.

2nd: I took lots of sleeping pills and put a bag on my head. Then, I woke up 20 hours later and the bag was gone and I felt like a zombie.

3rd: This almost works. It was last year. I took 100 sleeping pills and anti-depressants. After doing this, I was planing to get my rope (neckties actually) around my neck and hang myself (partial) but the effect of the pills was so powerful that I lost consciousness very fast and wasn't able go hang myself.
I woke up 2 days later in a hospital and doctors told me I had been in a coma and was lucky to still be alive and have no permanent brain damage.
Thus, my life was hell for six months.

I can't fail next time!

 

[Taos]

@WornOutLife i've considered cocktail + bag. worried. did you vomit?

 

[WornOutLife]

@WornOutLife i've considered cocktail + bag. worried. did you vomit?

Oh I forgot to mention that I also drank alcohol when I took the sleeping pills.

Nope, I didn't vomit. My unconscious self just took the bag off.

 

[Taos]

Oh I forgot to mention that I also drank alcohol when I took the sleeping pills.

Nope, I didn't vomit. My unconscious self just took the bag off.

what were your drugs? I'm hoping i'll have all the stuff to reliably OD soon, the oven bag is to speed things up. I'm worried it might lead to failure of the OD.

edit: i should add i'm asking out of curiosity, i have my own cocktail lol.

 

[Sunset Limited]

@WornOutLife good to read your posts. You are one of those users who make SS valuable.​

 

[motel rooms]

Thanks for being here. I'm still alive thanks to you!

Frankly, I'd much rather be dead thanks to SS

 

[WornOutLife]

what were your drugs? I'm hoping i'll have all the stuff to reliably OD soon, the oven bag is to speed things up. I'm worried it might lead to failure of the OD.

edit: i should add i'm asking out of curiosity, i have my own cocktail lol.

Lol it's okay.
I had clonazepam, aripiprazol, risperidone and lorazepam!

@WornOutLife good to read your posts. You are one of those users who make SS valuable.​

And words like yours reflect what I meant with this thread.

Thank u so much for being here and being so nice!

Life can really suck and the world is a very cruel place but at least here on SS, we can support and understand each other! ;)

 

[StateOfMind]

When I take a deep breath all I get is the stench of my year old rotting leather slippers because of sweaty feet lol

 

[mini_weeny]

Sure!
I've had 3 failed attempts so far.

1st: I tried to hang myself (partial) but only felt pain in my neck and my head about to explode. I gave up after some minutes.

2nd: I took lots of sleeping pills and put a bag on my head. Then, I woke up 20 hours later and the bag was gone and I felt like a zombie.

3rd: This almost works. It was last year. I took 100 sleeping pills and anti-depressants. After doing this, I was planing to get my rope (neckties actually) around my neck and hang myself (partial) but the effect of the pills was so powerful that I lost consciousness very fast and wasn't able go hang myself.
I woke up 2 days later in a hospital and doctors told me I had been in a coma and was lucky to still be alive and have no permanent brain damage.
Thus, my life was hell for six months.

I can't fail next time!

Thanks very informative, I was thinking number 3 but already have the rope around the neck?

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Yes and no. This place doesn't help me to feel less suicidal, but it doesn't make me moreso either. My issues really have nothing to do with this site, its subject matter or anyone on it. In fact, ya all are a great deal of comfort to me. I know I am not the only miserable person who just cannot deal with it anymore and in its own weird way it gives me some comfort. Thank you all. Especially @WornOutLife for listening to me chatter and whine past few days. Thanks man. I just needed to talk to someone about anything. I appreciate it deeply.

 

[nopointofliving]

I'm much better due to SS. I try to do some baby steps to manage my life, and when I'm tired, I come here to browse the threads and talk with you guys. It feels much better.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm much better due to SS. I try to do some baby steps to manage my life, and when I'm tired, I come here to browse the threads and talk with you guys. It feels much better.

Same here! I have small breaks after my lessons and coming here during that time relieves me a lot and gives me energy to keep on struggling during the rest of the goddamn day.
I wonder why the hell we have to live so far away from each other! Having friends like you in real life would literally change my life! (no pun intended lol)

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

Sure!
I've had 3 failed attempts so far.

1st: I tried to hang myself (partial) but only felt pain in my neck and my head about to explode. I gave up after some minutes.

2nd: I took lots of sleeping pills and put a bag on my head. Then, I woke up 20 hours later and the bag was gone and I felt like a zombie.

3rd: This almost works. It was last year. I took 100 sleeping pills and anti-depressants. After doing this, I was planing to get my rope (neckties actually) around my neck and hang myself (partial) but the effect of the pills was so powerful that I lost consciousness very fast and wasn't able go hang myself.
I woke up 2 days later in a hospital and doctors told me I had been in a coma and was lucky to still be alive and have no permanent brain damage.
Thus, my life was hell for six months.

I can't fail next time!

Can I ask you something about the 3rd, please? I have 2 questions:

1) Did you feel any pain? Sorry, I know it's a bad question, but I'm really curious. Is it a painless method or not?

2) How could somebody find you? You live in your apartment, right. So was it some member of your family who has the keys?

I'm really sorry about my stupid questions. I'm thinking about overdose, so I need some answers. I know you won't probably recommend it, but it's the only way for me. I understand if you don't want to answer at all.

 

[WornOutLife]

Can I ask you something about the 3rd, please? I have 2 questions:

1) Did you feel any pain? Sorry, I know it's a bad question, but I'm really curious. Is it a painless method or not?

2) How could somebody find you? You live in your apartment, right. So was it some member of your family who has the keys?

I'm really sorry about my stupid questions. I'm thinking about overdose, so I need some answers. I know you won't probably recommend it, but it's the only way for me. I understand if you don't want to answer at all.

Of course you can!

1) At that moment, I felt no pain but my belly was like "dude, watcha doing!!?" lol. I was gulping down alcohol while taking the pills in a desperate way so I guess my body was warning me something was wrong.

However, I DID feel pain when I woke up in the hospital 2 days later. My stomach was fuck*d up for 2 whole months. Everything I ate, everything I ended up vomiting. The only good part of that was that I had lost like 30 pounds.

Thus, I would say that it seems to be a kinda painless method because if you're able to hang yourself while being knocked out by the meds, there's high chances of dying while feeling nothing!

2) If I hadn't been found, the doctors said I would've 100% died.
Why was I found? Because of my mistake:

I thought I would die no matter what but, I didn't want my body to be in my apartment for ages until people realized there was something wrong because of the bad smell around so, I waited for a previous day before my dad came to visit me. I was like "Alright, about 20 hours until I'm found, I will surely die"...

Then, before trying to ctb, I left the door unlocked. My dad had a key so he would enter my home easily. I had left a warning note saying something like "DON'T PANIC. THERE'S A DEAD BODY INSIDE. PLEASE, BREATHE DEEPLY BEFORE COMING IN."

My poor dad almost had a heart-attack and the things he went through until he was able to call an ambulance and took to hospital were hell.
You can't imagine how guilty I felt and still feel sometimes. He was almost sent to prison because the police guys thought he had tried to kill me!!! Ridiculous!!!


All in all, if I try to ctb again I won't make the same mistakes.
Some of correct things to do would be:
* Not to be found in a couple of days
* Have a rope/necktie around my neck once I take the pills
* Send a scheduled e-mail to the police so that they find me first instead of my dad.
* Instead of ctb in my apartment. I could go to a hotel but I don't feel like traumatizing the hotel staff.


That's basically it, my friend.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

Of course you can!

1) At that moment, I felt no pain but my belly was like "dude, watcha doing!!?" lol. I was gulping down alcohol while taking the pills in a desperate way so I guess my body was warning me something was wrong.

However, I DID feel pain when I woke up in the hospital 2 days later. My stomach was fuck*d up for 2 whole months. Everything I ate, everything I ended up vomiting. The only good part of that was that I had lost like 30 pounds.

Thus, I would say that it seems to be a kinda painless method because if you're able to hang yourself while being knocked out by the meds, there's high chances of dying while feeling nothing!

2) If I hadn't been found, the doctors said I would've 100% died.
Why was I found? Because of my mistake:

I thought I would die no matter what but, I didn't want my body to be in my apartment for ages until people realized there was something wrong because of the bad smell around so, I waited for a previous day before my dad came to visit me. I was like "Alright, about 20 hours until I'm found, I will surely die"...

Then, before trying to ctb, I left the door unlocked. My dad had a key so he would enter my home easily. I had left a warning note saying something like "DON'T PANIC. THERE'S A DEAD BODY INSIDE. PLEASE, BREATHE DEEPLY BEFORE COMING IN."

My poor dad almost had a heart-attack and the things he went through until he was able to call an ambulance and took to hospital were hell.
You can't imagine how guilty I felt and still feel sometimes. He was almost sent to prison because the police guys thought he had tried to kill me!!! Ridiculous!!!


All in all, if I try to ctb again I won't make the same mistakes.
Some of correct things to do would be:
* Not to be found in a couple of days
* Have a rope/necktie around my neck once I take the pills
* Send a scheduled e-mail to the police so that they find me first instead of my dad.
* Instead of ctb in my apartment. I could go to a hotel but I don't feel like traumatizing the hotel staff.


That's basically it, my friend.

Hugs,

Matt

Thank you very much for your kind response. I really appreciate that.

I'm truly sorry about all your suffering. You have been definitely through a lot.

Anyway I can't understand how it is possible that you didn't vomit after you took the pills. I'm really worried about that.

 

[WornOutLife]

Thank you very much for your kind response. I really appreciate that.

I'm truly sorry about all your suffering. You have been definitely through a lot.

Anyway I can't understand how it is possible that you didn't vomit after you took the pills. I'm really worried about that.

Thank YOU for being so nice!
I have no clue how I managed not to vomit! So weird!! My dad told me that when he found me, I had lots of dried drool on my nose and mouth but no signs of vomiting.
Also, something I didn't mention: it seems when I passed out, I hit something because I had a terrible wound in my arm! Now, it's just a small scar but I've never been able to know what the hell hurt my arm. My dad looked everywhere and there were no sharp objects around! Maybe I did it myself with my other arm? So strange!

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

Thank YOU for being so nice!
I have no clue how I managed not to vomit! So weird!! My dad told me that when he found me, I had lots of dried drool on my nose and mouth but no signs of vomiting.
Also, something I didn't mention: it seems when I passed out, I hit something because I had a terrible wound in my arm! Now, it's just a small scar but I've never been able to know what the hell hurt my arm. My dad looked everywhere and there were no sharp objects around! Maybe I did it myself with my other arm? So strange!

It looks like ALMOST perfect suicide. Any vomiting, any pain, any consciousness. It sounds like a dream to me.

I would be so desperate if I were in your shoes. The knowledge that you could already rest in peace if you didn't make the "mistakes". Even the doctors said it. But I'm glad you are still here, even though I wish you peace.

 

[mini_weeny]

Of course you can!

1) At that moment, I felt no pain but my belly was like "dude, watcha doing!!?" lol. I was gulping down alcohol while taking the pills in a desperate way so I guess my body was warning me something was wrong.

However, I DID feel pain when I woke up in the hospital 2 days later. My stomach was fuck*d up for 2 whole months. Everything I ate, everything I ended up vomiting. The only good part of that was that I had lost like 30 pounds.

Thus, I would say that it seems to be a kinda painless method because if you're able to hang yourself while being knocked out by the meds, there's high chances of dying while feeling nothing!

2) If I hadn't been found, the doctors said I would've 100% died.
Why was I found? Because of my mistake:

I thought I would die no matter what but, I didn't want my body to be in my apartment for ages until people realized there was something wrong because of the bad smell around so, I waited for a previous day before my dad came to visit me. I was like "Alright, about 20 hours until I'm found, I will surely die"...

Then, before trying to ctb, I left the door unlocked. My dad had a key so he would enter my home easily. I had left a warning note saying something like "DON'T PANIC. THERE'S A DEAD BODY INSIDE. PLEASE, BREATHE DEEPLY BEFORE COMING IN."

My poor dad almost had a heart-attack and the things he went through until he was able to call an ambulance and took to hospital were hell.
You can't imagine how guilty I felt and still feel sometimes. He was almost sent to prison because the police guys thought he had tried to kill me!!! Ridiculous!!!


All in all, if I try to ctb again I won't make the same mistakes.
Some of correct things to do would be:
* Not to be found in a couple of days
* Have a rope/necktie around my neck once I take the pills
* Send a scheduled e-mail to the police so that they find me first instead of my dad.
* Instead of ctb in my apartment. I could go to a hotel but I don't feel like traumatizing the hotel staff.


That's basically it, my friend.

Hugs,

Matt

What kinda sleeping pills did u take? I have like 10 boxes of amitriptilyne

 

[WornOutLife]

What kinda sleeping pills did u take? I have like 10 boxes of amitriptilyne

I took lorazepam, clonazepam and risperidone! They really knocked me out!
I dunno much about amitriptilyne but I've heard is quite "powerful" too.