Venting Let's fight SI together

[Obliviate]

So I noticed alot of people including myself are having some intense SI problems. Feel free in this thread to list reasons on why living is absolutely pointless, how fucked up this world is, how we should abandon all hope, let all your trauma out, vent anything you like and read each others reasons so you can always come back to this post to remind yourself of how there WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS will be endless suffering and how SI is just keeping you away from eternal peace.

I'll go first, remember the harsh reality is that we are treated like less than human, we are simply just a number and after we are gone no one will ACTUALLY miss us and we will be replaced in 3 seconds at our jobs and people will carry on with their pathetic lives. Remember how terrible your narcissistic abusers treated you and made you feel like a worthless piece of shit and how they will never change. People will mourn, speak on suicide prevention, talk about oh we should have seen the signs/fake cry for sympathy/"they had so much potential/were so beautiful/why did they do it/no one knew they were hurting" even the ones that knew we were hurting/our abusers will all of a sudden act surprised like they are not the reason for all this; Blah blah blah and then do absolutely nothing to change the system, stupidly wonder why people are suiciding and then get over it because humans are selfish.

It's insane how the entire world is burning/falling apart around us and we're still expected to be perfect little robots/go to work/study/deal with abuse and just carry on with our pathetic lives while we see evil all around us and the rich corrupt politicians/leaders just evily smirk at our sufferings that bring them utter joy as they get more powerful knowing they are winning and no one will ever be able to stop them to spread more terror.


Regardless of any progress we make Racism/Sexism/Abuse/Rape/Pedophilia/Animal Abuse/Discrimination/Corruption/Classism/Ableism/poverty/homelessness/starvation will ALWAYS BE HERE. I'm soooo fucking tired of fighting for basic human rights/decency with every ounce of energy in me that we will ultimately never get. Think about all the disgusting world history and what our poor ancestors dealt with. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Death was left and right back then taking anything in sight. Death is actually much more common than you think. People and animals die everyday without a trace or care in the world so why should we overthink it? Millions of ants get stepped on every 10 minutes and no one bats an eye. The sun, moon and stars will rise, birds and crickets will chirp regardless if we are here or not, no one will wait for us. Death just means we have left and started another journey. Like getting a new job, starting school, moving houses. Like starting another season with new characters, a new story/plotline and a new environment OR for my people that do not believe in afterlife, simply freedom. When one book closes (our lives) another opens (peace). Live Free or Die my friends. I am tired and I have given up.

 

[jodes2]

I'm tired of chores, boredom, paperwork, arguments with the gf.

My SI revolves about worrying about people I leave behind, some are very upset that I want to CTB like my gf. Why should I put their suffering above mine? But normally I do. Sigh

 

[Lily (Osako)]

For me, the hardest part about life is how I give every bit of myself to people and how very alone it feels.
I feel drained, stripped down to my bones, used, lied to, destroyed, all by those I loved so much and gave my all to.
I wasn't expecting anything in return, I just didn't expect to be broken for it.
I feel so empty now. Like I have nothing left to give.
I don't know if people here believe in souls, but I do. And I feel as though my heart and soul have been shattered, pulverized and I don't think there's any way to repair them.
I don't see a single spark of light left in me.

 

[Obliviate]

I'm tired of chores, boredom, paperwork, arguments with the gf.

My SI revolves about worrying about people I leave behind, some are very upset that I want to CTB like my gf. Why should I put their suffering above mine? But normally I do. Sigh

Exactly. I think it is so fucking selfish for people to guilt you into trying to stay for their own narcissistic reasons where they simply dismiss and disregard your suffering/trauma and state of the world. It shows they don't really care and understand.

 

[DrekSS]

I have an issue that may not sound like one... idk. I have/had everything I want/need. I had a really nice band with my ex-girlfriend, we loved each other. I had never experienced love like that before... From a person that cared about me because they wanted to, not because they had to. I am economically stable (mid-high class?). But there was always something missing, I just can't help myself on wanting more and more.
This costed me my everything... My girlfriend... My band... and most of the people I knew.
Sometimes I dream I am with them, hanging out and having fun, it is horrible to wake up, it always is.
Two years have passed and everything is getting worse, haven't made a single friend, no one can stand me, I think it is because I can be very erratic and also because I don't trust anyone. They take it personal.
The only reason I am here right now is because of the meds that make me thing of something else. I am not me.
I wish I had the courage and the perfect plan to leave.

 

[Obliviate]

I have an issue that may not sound like one... idk. I have/had everything I want/need. I had a really nice band with my ex-girlfriend, we loved each other. I had never experienced love like that before... From a person that cared about me because they wanted to, not because they had to. I am economically stable (mid-high class?). But there was always something missing, I just can't help myself on wanting more and more.
This costed me my everything... My girlfriend... My band... and most of the people I knew.
Sometimes I dream I am with them, hanging out and having fun, it is horrible to wake up, it always is.
Two years have passed and everything is getting worse, haven't made a single friend, no one can stand me, I think it is because I can be very erratic and also because I don't trust anyone. They take it personal.
The only reason I am here right now is because of the meds that make me thing of something else. I am not me.
I wish I had the courage and the perfect plan to leave.

Sounds like you potentially wanna stay? In my opinion if people have the privilege to live and can obtain what they can define a "happy life" then go for it. Maybe you'll fall in love again or you'll find each other again but don't let love/a girl be the reason. Do it for you and you only. Go find that one thing that is missing/purpose and if you feel to numb then there is always CTB

For me, the hardest part about life is how I give every bit of myself to people and how very alone it feels.
I feel drained, stripped down to my bones, used, lied to, destroyed, all by those I loved so much and gave my all to.
I wasn't expecting anything in return, I just didn't expect to be broken for it.
I feel so empty now. Like I have nothing left to give.
I don't know if people here believe in souls, but I do. And I feel as though my heart and soul have been shattered, pulverized and I don't think there's any way to repair them.
I don't see a single spark of light left in me.

That's what happens when you are forced to endure with all this trauma, you feel numb like a walking zombie having existential crises questioning if anything is real. My heart and soul definitely feels like it's been stabbed and stepped on, shattered into a billion shards. How can people betray you take advantage of you and step on you when you've been nothing but kind and courteous? Yup those are humans for you. No wonder some of the angels hated us.

 

[HumansAreHell]

So I noticed alot of people including myself are having some intense SI problems. Feel free in this thread to list reasons on why living is absolutely pointless, how fucked up this world is, how we should abandon all hope, let all your trauma out, vent anything you like and read each others reasons so you can always come back to this post to remind yourself of how there WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS will be endless suffering and how SI is just keeping you away from eternal peace.

I'll go first, remember the harsh reality is that we are treated like less than human, we are simply just a number and after we are gone no one will ACTUALLY miss us and we will be replaced in 3 seconds at our jobs and people will carry on with their pathetic lives. Remember how terrible your narcissistic abusers treated you and made you feel like a worthless piece of shit and how they will never change. People will mourn, speak on suicide prevention, talk about oh we should have seen the signs/fake cry for sympathy/"they had so much potential/were so beautiful/why did they do it/no one knew they were hurting" even the ones that knew we were hurting/our abusers will all of a sudden act surprised like they are not the reason for all this; Blah blah blah and then do absolutely nothing to change the system, stupidly wonder why people are suiciding and then get over it because humans are selfish.

It's insane how the entire world is burning/falling apart around us and we're still expected to be perfect little robots/go to work/study/deal with abuse and just carry on with our pathetic lives while we see evil all around us and the rich corrupt politicians/leaders just evily smirk at our sufferings that bring them utter joy as they get more powerful knowing they are winning and no one will ever be able to stop them to spread more terror.


Regardless of any progress we make Racism/Sexism/Abuse/Rape/Pedophilia/Animal Abuse/Discrimination/Corruption/Classism/Ableism/poverty/homelessness/starvation will ALWAYS BE HERE. I'm soooo fucking tired of fighting for basic human rights/decency with every ounce of energy in me that we will ultimately never get. Think about all the disgusting world history and what our poor ancestors dealt with. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Death was left and right back then taking anything in sight. Death is actually much more common than you think. People and animals die everyday without a trace or care in the world so why should we overthink it? Millions of ants get stepped on every 10 minutes and no one bats an eye. The sun, moon and stars will rise, birds and crickets will chirp regardless if we are here or not, no one will wait for us. Death just means we have left and started another journey. Like getting a new job, starting school, moving houses. Like starting another season with new characters, a new story/plotline and a new environment OR for my people that do not believe in afterlife, simply freedom. When one book closes (our lives) another opens (peace). Live Free or Die my friends. I am tired and I have given up.

I think I have grown to hate our species. I think there is something truly psychologically wrong with humans. The need to demean others to make themselves feel better, or the need to blindly judge people even when they don't know your situation. I think because of these things we are overall a failed species. I think most peoples need to blindly judge and demean others prevents them from looking at things objectively. I find myself hating statements like "humans are an empathetic species". While some people are I find it to be a huge minority, and most of the empathetic people I know are suicidal or have already ctb. I also think we are not as intelligent of a species as people claim. I don't believe an intelligent species would be so destructive towards each other and the only planet we have to live on. But maybe that's just me and my poor experience with people.

Either way I can't stand how impossible this world is and how much people capitalize on others suffering. It's maddening that I cannot open up to my friends and family without some kind of backlash. No one was there for me for my little brothers suicide and when I try to open up about it I just get comments like "you should have seen that coming". Like trying to guilt trip me is gonna make things better. But when you call them out for being mean they just turn it back around on you and make you feel like the asshole. Or when they try to lecture me about getting help saying that the meds will make me feel better despite the fact that I've been trying treatments for almost 20 years. I have spent more than 100,000$ on meds and treatments like electric shock that people promised me would help. None of it did. But the crippling debt made things so much worse. While I managed to pay it off I have no chance of affording college or a home anymore. I think it's no wonder that depression and suicide rates are increasing in a world where the things that are supposed to help you suck the life out of you instead. Everywhere I look I see these impossible situations and they just drive me crazy. But I think most of all I hate myself because I never learn. I still try to be open and friendly despite what the world has shown me and it backfires on me every time. I just don't belong with people and I think I would find a little more peace in my life if I could just accept that and keep to myself. But I just hate feeling so lonely all of the time..

Sorry for the long rant, I started opening up and a little more spilled out than I meant…

 

[rodie9k]

the worst thing for me is that I can live, in that I have food and shelter etc. but I don't want to because 1) nothing interests or motivates me, I can distract myself with memes and music but this results in guilt 2) I suffer from constant sadness, pain, and regret. I never feel happy, even with things that make others happy

having no motivation makes it impossible to make friends (no common hobbies etc.). talking to people is nice, but there's nothing to discuss apart from misery, so this doesn't work

I think about dying because there's nothing I want from life and because life hurts

 

[Funeralprincess]

Sounds like you potentially wanna stay? In my opinion if people have the privilege to live and can obtain what they can define a "happy life" then go for it. Maybe you'll fall in love again or you'll find each other again but don't let love/a girl be the reason. Do it for you and you only. Go find that one thing that is missing/purpose and if you feel to numb then there is always CTB

That's what happens when you are forced to endure with all this trauma, you feel numb like a walking zombie having existential crises questioning if anything is real. My heart and soul definitely feels like it's been stabbed and stepped on, shattered into a billion shards. How can people betray you take advantage of you and step on you when you've been nothing but kind and courteous? Yup those are humans for you. No wonder some of the angels hated us.

Love is a perfectly valid reason alone to die. It's easy to suggest one to stay if that's the only reason when you haven't experienced that degree of love. I used to think ignorantly like that too, until I actually found and lost the man I wanted to marry. Love isn't in abundance the way many think it is

 

[Hollowillow]

I'm tired of chores, boredom, paperwork, arguments with the gf.

My SI revolves about worrying about people I leave behind, some are very upset that I want to CTB like my gf. Why should I put their suffering above mine? But normally I do. Sigh

Break up?

 

[Funeralprincess]

So I noticed alot of people including myself are having some intense SI problems. Feel free in this thread to list reasons on why living is absolutely pointless, how fucked up this world is, how we should abandon all hope, let all your trauma out, vent anything you like and read each others reasons so you can always come back to this post to remind yourself of how there WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS will be endless suffering and how SI is just keeping you away from eternal peace.

I'll go first, remember the harsh reality is that we are treated like less than human, we are simply just a number and after we are gone no one will ACTUALLY miss us and we will be replaced in 3 seconds at our jobs and people will carry on with their pathetic lives. Remember how terrible your narcissistic abusers treated you and made you feel like a worthless piece of shit and how they will never change. People will mourn, speak on suicide prevention, talk about oh we should have seen the signs/fake cry for sympathy/"they had so much potential/were so beautiful/why did they do it/no one knew they were hurting" even the ones that knew we were hurting/our abusers will all of a sudden act surprised like they are not the reason for all this; Blah blah blah and then do absolutely nothing to change the system, stupidly wonder why people are suiciding and then get over it because humans are selfish.

It's insane how the entire world is burning/falling apart around us and we're still expected to be perfect little robots/go to work/study/deal with abuse and just carry on with our pathetic lives while we see evil all around us and the rich corrupt politicians/leaders just evily smirk at our sufferings that bring them utter joy as they get more powerful knowing they are winning and no one will ever be able to stop them to spread more terror.


Regardless of any progress we make Racism/Sexism/Abuse/Rape/Pedophilia/Animal Abuse/Discrimination/Corruption/Classism/Ableism/poverty/homelessness/starvation will ALWAYS BE HERE. I'm soooo fucking tired of fighting for basic human rights/decency with every ounce of energy in me that we will ultimately never get. Think about all the disgusting world history and what our poor ancestors dealt with. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Death was left and right back then taking anything in sight. Death is actually much more common than you think. People and animals die everyday without a trace or care in the world so why should we overthink it? Millions of ants get stepped on every 10 minutes and no one bats an eye. The sun, moon and stars will rise, birds and crickets will chirp regardless if we are here or not, no one will wait for us. Death just means we have left and started another journey. Like getting a new job, starting school, moving houses. Like starting another season with new characters, a new story/plotline and a new environment OR for my people that do not believe in afterlife, simply freedom. When one book closes (our lives) another opens (peace). Live Free or Die my friends. I am tired and I have given up.

This is going to be long, but you inspired me to rant too….

Living is pointless because I lost the love of my life and it's affected me for years, I have diagnosed heart disease, BP, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Job markets compete at unhealthy levels and often don't give qualified folks a chance, Rape cases are a joke (I fought my case three years with evidence, only for him to still get off), disabled people are refused accommodations at times, most people are fake and have bad intentions, sex trafficking is at an all time high…

I agree with the fake ally bullshit. In my experience people who claim to advocate for mental illness are only talking about mild anxiety and mild depression, not diseases like DID, bipolar, BPD, PTSD, etc. they're talking about the diseases they can apply minimal assistance to to make them feel better and also, they act like the people who pushed us to suicide have no accountability it's like, mental illness is a disability meaning people CAN push us there (the love of my life is pushing me to mine) through mind games, lies, knowing our triggers, etc. people seem to think because mental illness doesn't look like some physical deformity that it's impossible for another Person to affect our will to live, but it's true and neurotypicals are NEVER held liable for getting someone to that point… EVER. They get a pass to toy with someone's feelings, sanity, and well being because they are "healthy and normal".
Neurotypical people know that socially, they will get the pass because a sick person "would've offed themselves regardless" which isn't always true. Recently, a news story reported a little boy committed suicide and he was thirteen… THIRTEEN. He was getting bullied at school and made to feel ugly and do you think those disgusting neurotypical kids got consequences? No. It's stories like that and even stories of people on here who went through that that disgust me. "We should've seen the signs! We should've seen the signs that WE ourselves caused! OH HOW COULD WE MISS THEM?!"
I have had enough of the fake ally-ship. It's the equivalent to someone stabbing someone and killing them and then saying "oh gosh! How could they have died! I don't understand this! I know I caused the murder but they died?! How could this be!"
The world is falling apart more and more, increased costs of living and gas prices… it's like who the fuck wants to stay here? The world is becoming an even bigger cesspool by the day… it's not a fun fantasy to be here; there is nothing Luxurious about living life when you have an EXTREME mental health condition, or develop an EXTREME mental health condition due to the harmful trauma other people have created just for you…. This world is a hungry monster, a monster who will swallow you whole too satisfy its appetite if you allow it. I feel aside from any reasons any of us have for wanting to self-terminate, we need to look at how dangerous it truly is to live in this modern society… the billionaires would love NOTHING more than to make sure all of us are forced to stay as our suffering fuels them. I feel is choosing to die also protests their cruelty, makes a statement of "you will not be able to be a predator and take advantage of my existence". There is a reason law enforcement does everything they can to keep us alive when it's involving suicide and that's NOT because they genuinely care for us…. If that was the case police brutality/murder would never ever be an issue. They ONLY care about preserving life of the mentally unwell because we tend to be the easiest to prey off of and be useful tools to the top top rulers of this world.
Smart people see the truth of this world, and I feel smart people won't stay alive in such a place

 

[Hollowillow]

So I noticed alot of people including myself are having some intense SI problems. Feel free in this thread to list reasons on why living is absolutely pointless, how fucked up this world is, how we should abandon all hope, let all your trauma out, vent anything you like and read each others reasons so you can always come back to this post to remind yourself of how there WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS will be endless suffering and how SI is just keeping you away from eternal peace.

I'll go first, remember the harsh reality is that we are treated like less than human, we are simply just a number and after we are gone no one will ACTUALLY miss us and we will be replaced in 3 seconds at our jobs and people will carry on with their pathetic lives. Remember how terrible your narcissistic abusers treated you and made you feel like a worthless piece of shit and how they will never change. People will mourn, speak on suicide prevention, talk about oh we should have seen the signs/fake cry for sympathy/"they had so much potential/were so beautiful/why did they do it/no one knew they were hurting" even the ones that knew we were hurting/our abusers will all of a sudden act surprised like they are not the reason for all this; Blah blah blah and then do absolutely nothing to change the system, stupidly wonder why people are suiciding and then get over it because humans are selfish.

It's insane how the entire world is burning/falling apart around us and we're still expected to be perfect little robots/go to work/study/deal with abuse and just carry on with our pathetic lives while we see evil all around us and the rich corrupt politicians/leaders just evily smirk at our sufferings that bring them utter joy as they get more powerful knowing they are winning and no one will ever be able to stop them to spread more terror.


Regardless of any progress we make Racism/Sexism/Abuse/Rape/Pedophilia/Animal Abuse/Discrimination/Corruption/Classism/Ableism/poverty/homelessness/starvation will ALWAYS BE HERE. I'm soooo fucking tired of fighting for basic human rights/decency with every ounce of energy in me that we will ultimately never get. Think about all the disgusting world history and what our poor ancestors dealt with. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Death was left and right back then taking anything in sight. Death is actually much more common than you think. People and animals die everyday without a trace or care in the world so why should we overthink it? Millions of ants get stepped on every 10 minutes and no one bats an eye. The sun, moon and stars will rise, birds and crickets will chirp regardless if we are here or not, no one will wait for us. Death just means we have left and started another journey. Like getting a new job, starting school, moving houses. Like starting another season with new characters, a new story/plotline and a new environment OR for my people that do not believe in afterlife, simply freedom. When one book closes (our lives) another opens (peace). Live Free or Die my friends. I am tired and I have given up.

Poetry, I'm speechless.

For me, the hardest part about life is how I give every bit of myself to people and how very alone it feels.
I feel drained, stripped down to my bones, used, lied to, destroyed, all by those I loved so much and gave my all to.
I wasn't expecting anything in return, I just didn't expect to be broken for it.
I feel so empty now. Like I have nothing left to give.
I don't know if people here believe in souls, but I do. And I feel as though my heart and soul have been shattered, pulverized and I don't think there's any way to repair them.
I don't see a single spark of light left in me.

Become a selfish bitch? At least for a while. It will look good on you. Maybe read about how narcissists train us to be devoted slaves with no boundaries...

 

[jodes2]

Break up?

I low key want to but I'm weak and would have to find another place to stay

 

[rodie9k]

how much people capitalize on others suffering

I know you meant this in a different context, but it's horrible how the media (including social media, advertising) is there to increase misery, so people spend more money buying things

it's the business of perpetuating a culture of misery and selling bullshit "cures." a culture of misery where meaningful human interaction is replaced with likes/shares and consumerist talking points, so people don't talk openly anymore. a culture of misery where people are taught to buy things to feel better.

more generally, we're headed again for a world where the minority holds all the power. where everyone else is a slave (working for increasingly smaller wages, abusing instant gratification to get by, and entirely controlled by the powerful through their monopoly over information). the world is hopeless

 

[HumansAreHell]

I know you meant this in a different context, but it's horrible how the media (including social media, advertising) is there to increase misery, so people spend more money buying things

it's the business of perpetuating a culture of misery and selling bullshit "cures." a culture of misery where meaningful human interaction is replaced with likes/shares and consumerist talking points, so people don't talk openly anymore. a culture of misery where people are taught to buy things to feel better.

more generally, we're headed again for a world where the minority holds all the power. where everyone else is a slave (working for increasingly smaller wages, abusing instant gratification to get by, and entirely controlled by the powerful through their monopoly over information). the world is hopeless

Actually I think this context fits perfectly as well and is a good point. It really is another sad situation that we also can't do anything about. Truly frustrating.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living certainly is absolutely pointless. The way that I see it, in a world like this wanting suicide is perfectly rational. Life is just endless suffering and problems all for no purpose, why endure life when instead I could be peacefully not existing. There is no point to suffering for decades just to die anyway eventually.

There was never a need for life to be a thing in the first place and we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. By removing life it removes the cause of all our problems in the first place and prevents the chance of things getting much worse. I believe non existence to be ideal, free from all cruelty.

The dead cannot suffer but if someone exists they could potentially suffer to such extremes and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. Therefore it's always better to not exist but of course the best thing ever is to be never born in the first place.

My hatred of suffering is what makes me want to die and I believe life to be not worth living. There are an unlimited amount of things wrong with being alive and simply seeing the world for what it really is, is enough to make anyone want to die. Existence is so objectively horrifying.
I think that suicide is the best way to die as after all we will all die eventually so I see it as preferable to exit when the time is right for me.

 

[Obliviate]

Love is a perfectly valid reason alone to die. It's easy to suggest one to stay if that's the only reason when you haven't experienced that degree of love. I used to think ignorantly like that too, until I actually found and lost the man I wanted to marry. Love isn't in abundance the way many think it is

I understand that people CTB because they have broken up with the love of their lives but I just wish people wouldn't put their entire happiness/reason for living/breathing latched onto another human being when they have promising great lives themselves. Being individual, making your own happiness/BEING your own happiness/love/not having your world revolve around someone. It's quite sad to see. It's what we are lacking in this society is being individual. There are many cases where it is deemed very unhealthy and toxic to be this obsessed with someone and the lack of their own autonomy and mind. Where people stay and are blind in love because they lack self respect and are insecure and excuse about how they are actually being treated. I also understand that there are the whole Romeo and Juliet cases where your life is ALREADY hell and this amazing person comes along and makes everything well......dealable and when you lose that someone let's say death, then It's totally understandable to wanting to CTB to be with your soulmate when everything around you is trash anyways. That is when I PERSONALLY would CTB. Not because of a breakup but because of everything in it's entirety. But to each their own. This is a safe place.

This is going to be long, but you inspired me to rant too….

Living is pointless because I lost the love of my life and it's affected me for years, I have diagnosed heart disease, BP, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Job markets compete at unhealthy levels and often don't give qualified folks a chance, Rape cases are a joke (I fought my case three years with evidence, only for him to still get off), disabled people are refused accommodations at times, most people are fake and have bad intentions, sex trafficking is at an all time high…

I agree with the fake ally bullshit. In my experience people who claim to advocate for mental illness are only talking about mild anxiety and mild depression, not diseases like DID, bipolar, BPD, PTSD, etc. they're talking about the diseases they can apply minimal assistance to to make them feel better and also, they act like the people who pushed us to suicide have no accountability it's like, mental illness is a disability meaning people CAN push us there (the love of my life is pushing me to mine) through mind games, lies, knowing our triggers, etc. people seem to think because mental illness doesn't look like some physical deformity that it's impossible for another Person to affect our will to live, but it's true and neurotypicals are NEVER held liable for getting someone to that point… EVER. They get a pass to toy with someone's feelings, sanity, and well being because they are "healthy and normal".
Neurotypical people know that socially, they will get the pass because a sick person "would've offed themselves regardless" which isn't always true. Recently, a news story reported a little boy committed suicide and he was thirteen… THIRTEEN. He was getting bullied at school and made to feel ugly and do you think those disgusting neurotypical kids got consequences? No. It's stories like that and even stories of people on here who went through that that disgust me. "We should've seen the signs! We should've seen the signs that WE ourselves caused! OH HOW COULD WE MISS THEM?!"
I have had enough of the fake ally-ship. It's the equivalent to someone stabbing someone and killing them and then saying "oh gosh! How could they have died! I don't understand this! I know I caused the murder but they died?! How could this be!"
The world is falling apart more and more, increased costs of living and gas prices… it's like who the fuck wants to stay here? The world is becoming an even bigger cesspool by the day… it's not a fun fantasy to be here; there is nothing Luxurious about living life when you have an EXTREME mental health condition, or develop an EXTREME mental health condition due to the harmful trauma other people have created just for you…. This world is a hungry monster, a monster who will swallow you whole too satisfy its appetite if you allow it. I feel aside from any reasons any of us have for wanting to self-terminate, we need to look at how dangerous it truly is to live in this modern society… the billionaires would love NOTHING more than to make sure all of us are forced to stay as our suffering fuels them. I feel is choosing to die also protests their cruelty, makes a statement of "you will not be able to be a predator and take advantage of my existence". There is a reason law enforcement does everything they can to keep us alive when it's involving suicide and that's NOT because they genuinely care for us…. If that was the case police brutality/murder would never ever be an issue. They ONLY care about preserving life of the mentally unwell because we tend to be the easiest to prey off of and be useful tools to the top top rulers of this world.
Smart people see the truth of this world, and I feel smart people won't stay alive in such a place

This is absolutely beautiful. You hit every point.

I think I have grown to hate our species. I think there is something truly psychologically wrong with humans. The need to demean others to make themselves feel better, or the need to blindly judge people even when they don't know your situation. I think because of these things we are overall a failed species. I think most peoples need to blindly judge and demean others prevents them from looking at things objectively. I find myself hating statements like "humans are an empathetic species". While some people are I find it to be a huge minority, and most of the empathetic people I know are suicidal or have already ctb. I also think we are not as intelligent of a species as people claim. I don't believe an intelligent species would be so destructive towards each other and the only planet we have to live on. But maybe that's just me and my poor experience with people.

Either way I can't stand how impossible this world is and how much people capitalize on others suffering. It's maddening that I cannot open up to my friends and family without some kind of backlash. No one was there for me for my little brothers suicide and when I try to open up about it I just get comments like "you should have seen that coming". Like trying to guilt trip me is gonna make things better. But when you call them out for being mean they just turn it back around on you and make you feel like the asshole. Or when they try to lecture me about getting help saying that the meds will make me feel better despite the fact that I've been trying treatments for almost 20 years. I have spent more than 100,000$ on meds and treatments like electric shock that people promised me would help. None of it did. But the crippling debt made things so much worse. While I managed to pay it off I have no chance of affording college or a home anymore. I think it's no wonder that depression and suicide rates are increasing in a world where the things that are supposed to help you suck the life out of you instead. Everywhere I look I see these impossible situations and they just drive me crazy. But I think most of all I hate myself because I never learn. I still try to be open and friendly despite what the world has shown me and it backfires on me every time. I just don't belong with people and I think I would find a little more peace in my life if I could just accept that and keep to myself. But I just hate feeling so lonely all of the time..

Sorry for the long rant, I started opening up and a little more spilled out than I meant…

You know what's crazy? Everything that we know about medicine is wrong. Instead of fixing the disgusting attributes to society/the system and suffering, you will be prescribed all these pills and urged to try these methods to DEAL and NORMALIZE the horrendous inhumanity and be trained to just brush off rape/racism/discrimination/abuse because we have to survive while politicians/corporations profit and capitalize off of our tortures. We are being trained to become perfect little robotic soldiers and are being brainwashed. Only the ones that have seen and realized this treachery are suicidal, they've unlocked a higher thinking of the secrets of society. Think about it, we could easily use the very same medications to make a Utopia, as humans we have the power to make the world better........BUT we never will because greed outweighs basic decency.

 

[hellispink]

Who would ever love a mentally ill like me? I am always in the borderline, neurosis psychosis. Who the f am I? One day I feel capable, the other day all i have is blood on my wrist from the cuts. Fresh is the pain it never gets old. My only company, writing sad poetry and verses . Life is full of nostalgia , everything in the environment affects me, makes me cry. Antidepressants got me numb. What am I? Its unclear. All I know is i dont wanna belong in such a cruel world, where everything is replaceable. Borderline borderline I don't wanna be so poisonous anymore . Living is not even an option anymore . I must leave.

 

[Obliviate]

Can we also please talk about how the crime rate/medical corruption/cost of living has risen so drastically to the point that at this point it's either you kill yourself or get killed. Might as well chose a painless peaceful method than wait around to be raped/hate crimed/murdered/medically scammed/homless/starve

 

[brokensea]

I think our existence is a completely cruel concept. Think that we have this instinct to survive even the first microbes, cells, complex beings. Kill, eat, shit, survive. That's it and we all are doing it for no purpose because everything dies but somehow we are programmed to kill, eat shit, survive. For absolutely nothing. For no reason at all. There is no escape from death. No point of life except what pleases us and let's off brain chemicals of pleasure when we do basic things in line with survival like eating, sex to bring another being in to continue this life, and all of it is pointless. Think that every day you live how many animals and plants have had to lose their lives so you can live another day of pointless existence and we eat other living beings and steal their energy to live. Almost everything we own is made from dead things. We destroy everything on this earth. We are parasites. It all gives us another day to put off a fear of something that will never not happen. That you cannot stop. We are all going to die and not exist forever after all of this suffering. There is no rainbow. There is no reward or happy ending. There is no god here. There is only cruelty and a black expanse of space bent on pointless survival and existence at others expense, like why the hell do we even have to exist in a universe with such absurd fucked up laws. People get abused, murdered, raped, kidnapped, sold into slavery, abandoned because life has conditioned us for nothing but cruel survival and selfishness and there is no divine being in the universe that cares about you or will help you. You are all alone. You live inside a body completely alone in your head. You're trapped by millions of years of evolution telling you to pointlessly live in this sick sick world. I think it's normal to want to kill yourself considering it all. Maybe we aren't the rejects from society that can't handle life or have mental illnesses maybe we see what's going on and how damn horrible life is when other people can't face the truth. Who the hell would ever ask or choose to be here? Every person you care about or any good thing that exists it will eventually die and be gone. How fucking cruel is that? How are we supposed to make sense of any of this horror let alone be happy?

 

[Euthanza]

I think our existence is a completely cruel concept. Think that we have this instinct to survive even the first microbes, cells, complex beings. Kill, eat, shit, survive. That's it and we all are doing it for no purpose because everything dies but somehow we are programmed to kill, eat shit, survive. For absolutely nothing. For no reason at all. There is no escape from death. No point of life except what pleases us and let's off brain chemicals of pleasure when we do basic things in line with survival like eating, sex to bring another being in to continue this life, and all of it is pointless. Think that every day you live how many animals and plants have had to lose their lives so you can live another day of pointless existence and we eat other living beings and steal their energy to live. Almost everything we own is made from dead things. We destroy everything on this earth. We are parasites. It all gives us another day to put off a fear of something that will never not happen. That you cannot stop. We are all going to die and not exist forever after all of this suffering. There is no rainbow. There is no reward or happy ending. There is no god here. There is only cruelty and a black expanse of space bent on pointless survival and existence at others expense, like why the hell do we even have to exist in a universe with such absurd fucked up laws. People get abused, murdered, raped, kidnapped, sold into slavery, abandoned because life has conditioned us for nothing but cruel survival and selfishness and there is no divine being in the universe that cares about you or will help you. You are all alone. You live inside a body completely alone in your head. You're trapped by millions of years of evolution telling you to pointlessly live in this sick sick world. I think it's normal to want to kill yourself considering it all. Maybe we aren't the rejects from society that can't handle life or have mental illnesses maybe we see what's going on and how damn horrible life is when other people can't face the truth. Who the hell would ever ask or choose to be here? Every person you care about or any good thing that exists it will eventually die and be gone. How fucking cruel is that? How are we supposed to make sense of any of this horror let alone be happy?

Very well said. You put several questions mark at the end of paragraph that have obvious answer we all know any sane people can't deny with lies.

 

[Obliviate]

I think our existence is a completely cruel concept. Think that we have this instinct to survive even the first microbes, cells, complex beings. Kill, eat, shit, survive. That's it and we all are doing it for no purpose because everything dies but somehow we are programmed to kill, eat shit, survive. For absolutely nothing. For no reason at all. There is no escape from death. No point of life except what pleases us and let's off brain chemicals of pleasure when we do basic things in line with survival like eating, sex to bring another being in to continue this life, and all of it is pointless. Think that every day you live how many animals and plants have had to lose their lives so you can live another day of pointless existence and we eat other living beings and steal their energy to live. Almost everything we own is made from dead things. We destroy everything on this earth. We are parasites. It all gives us another day to put off a fear of something that will never not happen. That you cannot stop. We are all going to die and not exist forever after all of this suffering. There is no rainbow. There is no reward or happy ending. There is no god here. There is only cruelty and a black expanse of space bent on pointless survival and existence at others expense, like why the hell do we even have to exist in a universe with such absurd fucked up laws. People get abused, murdered, raped, kidnapped, sold into slavery, abandoned because life has conditioned us for nothing but cruel survival and selfishness and there is no divine being in the universe that cares about you or will help you. You are all alone. You live inside a body completely alone in your head. You're trapped by millions of years of evolution telling you to pointlessly live in this sick sick world. I think it's normal to want to kill yourself considering it all. Maybe we aren't the rejects from society that can't handle life or have mental illnesses maybe we see what's going on and how damn horrible life is when other people can't face the truth. Who the hell would ever ask or choose to be here? Every person you care about or any good thing that exists it will eventually die and be gone. How fucking cruel is that? How are we supposed to make sense of any of this horror let alone be happy?

You hit everything perfectly on the dot. Also the fact that wanting to leave this world involves majority of painful methods is even more fucked up.