I think this post might be a little bit embarassing. Technically we did not date but the title is more easier to understand with this wording.
I quit watchnig gore a long time. And I am pretty glad about that. It was a toxic coping skill for me. It affected my mental health in a very detrimental way.
The incident is a long long time ago. And I cannot remember all the details. It is kind of blurry in my memories. I can barely remember it but I think I can remember some of it. Paradoxically girls liked me more when I was obese and lazy. Many girls in school disliked me when I became a workaholic.
We did not date. But I think it was obvious she had a crush on me. I was not really interested. I was more interested in studying and good marks. LMAO. We met sometimes but as I said my priority was school. I won't go into details about her. Her outer apprearance was okay but her character was not that attractive. She was in puberty and Idk she had way different interests than me. She came from a rural area and was a simple girl.
I am not 100% sure she had a crush on me but retropectively it seems to be obvious. She quit the school where I was. And I think soon before that I dropped that I watch gore. I think that was kind of embarassing. But I was a deeply troubled teenager. I think I was 15. Soon prior to that my suicidal thoughts started. And watching gore was one way to cope with it. I endured domestic physcial and emotional abuse a decade before that. It started when I was 5.
I had some really distorted views on watching gore. Watching reality as it is. (maybe one could argument this is accurate). That it would make me stronger and more numb towards suffering (both no - rather the complete opposite). I had some weird takes on career to sacrifice everything for success. To fucking work till I die.
I am not sure any more how they reacted. I think I said it to 2-3 people who were kind of shocked. She left school afterwards but independent to my statement. It was probably a good method to make saying goodbye to me easier for her. I think they were disgusted. Many were judgmental. I think I told it some years afterwards to another guy. I had suicidal thoughts and this was my way to cope. I am very glad I quit that it is way better for my health and well-being not to watch that.
Not sure why I told it her in the first place. I think I wanted to shock them. Maybe a cry for help I don't know. It is a long time ago.
Many laughed about my mental breakdown years afterwards. The story behind that kept a secret for them. And I am kind of glad. Many of these people were trash.
I quit watchnig gore a long time. And I am pretty glad about that. It was a toxic coping skill for me. It affected my mental health in a very detrimental way.
The incident is a long long time ago. And I cannot remember all the details. It is kind of blurry in my memories. I can barely remember it but I think I can remember some of it. Paradoxically girls liked me more when I was obese and lazy. Many girls in school disliked me when I became a workaholic.
We did not date. But I think it was obvious she had a crush on me. I was not really interested. I was more interested in studying and good marks. LMAO. We met sometimes but as I said my priority was school. I won't go into details about her. Her outer apprearance was okay but her character was not that attractive. She was in puberty and Idk she had way different interests than me. She came from a rural area and was a simple girl.
I am not 100% sure she had a crush on me but retropectively it seems to be obvious. She quit the school where I was. And I think soon before that I dropped that I watch gore. I think that was kind of embarassing. But I was a deeply troubled teenager. I think I was 15. Soon prior to that my suicidal thoughts started. And watching gore was one way to cope with it. I endured domestic physcial and emotional abuse a decade before that. It started when I was 5.
I had some really distorted views on watching gore. Watching reality as it is. (maybe one could argument this is accurate). That it would make me stronger and more numb towards suffering (both no - rather the complete opposite). I had some weird takes on career to sacrifice everything for success. To fucking work till I die.
I am not sure any more how they reacted. I think I said it to 2-3 people who were kind of shocked. She left school afterwards but independent to my statement. It was probably a good method to make saying goodbye to me easier for her. I think they were disgusted. Many were judgmental. I think I told it some years afterwards to another guy. I had suicidal thoughts and this was my way to cope. I am very glad I quit that it is way better for my health and well-being not to watch that.
Not sure why I told it her in the first place. I think I wanted to shock them. Maybe a cry for help I don't know. It is a long time ago.
Many laughed about my mental breakdown years afterwards. The story behind that kept a secret for them. And I am kind of glad. Many of these people were trash.
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