Discussion "Left behind"

[Sprite_Geist]

Does anybody else get irritated or even angry at this phrase? I certainly do. Being told that you are "leaving behind" another person makes it sound as if you are permanently tied to others, or that you belong to them like an object, and that you are not allowed to go anywhere...

If someone close to you - such as a friend, family member or romantic partner - cuts you off and/or ends their relationship with you we do not say: "That was horrible of them to do - they left you behind!" as if they are obligated to stay with you no matter what. In fact we are taught the opposite: that relationships with other humans are reciprocal - they are a choice, and that you cannot force someone to like or stay with you. You will be told: "Well you cannot force them to be with you." In other words: they did not "leave you behind" because they did not have to stay by your side in the first place. So why, then, when it comes to someone committing suicide we are told this phrase? It comes across as a contradiction. Everyone around us has a choice to abandon us, and it is not seen as 'bad', but we do not have a choice to leave others - even if they have already left?

Edit: I am not saying that it is good for people to abandon each other or that we should not be loyal (to an extent), in fact I think that we should try to care and stay close to those who we have a connection with; my issue is with the actual double-standard behind the use of the phrase that I perceive.

 

[Not Being]

Totally agree

When a person wants to commit suicide, what happen? others are allowed to harass that suicidal person for as long as it takes to force their will and satisfy the wishes of others.
But when that logic is applied to a family member, friend or sentimental partner, you are a "stalker", "you do not respect the will of others" "you violate their freedom" "you are a capricious child" "not everyone is going to stay in your life"


I am in favor of individual freedom.

I only expose their double standards.

 

[Choicer]

The line I hear is imagine the damage you will do to those left behind. Why because I made a choice and I am fed up of existing. Why can't they accept that it would be my choice no one is responsible for that just as I am not responsible for those left behind.

 

[Fizz]

So angry. If the extent of their help is making me exist without helping me to live, then they only care about their pain and not mine.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I think when people say 'you are leaving them behind', it is out of selfishness, they are thinking about how the persons suicide will affect them, disregarding the suffering the person is going through. I think it is also because there is stigma attached to suicide, where people are basically forced to stay alive at all costs and it is seen as an immoral act that needs to be prevented, so because of that people will go on about how doing the act would affect others because there is a lack of acceptance towards suicide as an option.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I think besides revealing their own selfishness, this also shows how average people see suicidal people as uncapable of forming their own reasonable thoughts and beliefs. They think of us as crying adult babies that need to be locked up so they don't have to actually try to help and see through our perpective. So anything we do will be painted in a bad light. We are "leaving them behind" because of our irrational uncontrollable baby feelings. We have no EQ apparently.

It's easier for them to worry about their own grief and blame it on us, place us out of their sight and make someone else responsible.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Totally agree

When a person wants to commit suicide, what happen? others are allowed to harass that suicidal person for as long as it takes to force their will and satisfy the wishes of others.
But when that logic is applied to a family member, friend or sentimental partner, you are a "stalker", "you do not respect the will of others" "you violate their freedom" "you are a capricious child" "not everyone is going to stay in your life"

Yes! You have made an excellent point regarding stalking and such - thank you. To add to what you have said: we are expected to acknowledge the boundaries of others; if somebody rejects us, for example, we must accept it and "just move on". It would be considered very wrong in the eyes of many to pursue that person further, because they do not want you in their life - this is considered stalking. Yet as a suicidal person you are not allowed to cut off other individuals; which is essentially what committing suicide is - in a way.

I am sorry if this response just reads as a rehash of what you have already said, but I really felt the need to reply to what you have said. I just wish I could come up with a reply for all of the other good posts in this thread too.

The line I hear is imagine the damage you will do to those left behind. Why because I made a choice and I am fed up of existing. Why can't they accept that it would be my choice no one is responsible for that just as I am not responsible for those left behind.

Oh yes I understand what you mean when you talk about the damage it (may) cause. My initial post was intended to highlight something that I see as hypocritical: we have a forced obligation to continue our lives for others regardless of whether or not we want them in our lives, but at the same time others do not have to be a part of our lives even though it may cause pain to us. The right and choice of reciprocation seems to work only one-way.