Discussion Leaving your children behind

[sadgalgigi]

I'm a mother to a 4yo beautiful soul child and the only thing that stops me from ctbing is leaving her alone in this world.

Does anyone have children or any similar experiences? Perhaps the impact of a parent's suicide on a child?

 

[Crimsonskye]

My mam left me behind but I don't blame her

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi there.
I am sorry to see you in this situation.
I have a 10 year old son.we lost his dad about 2 and a half years ago when he died unexpectly.
Having children does not take our thoughts to ctb away or our despiration and suffering and i have personally been torn between living for my boy but wanting to die myself.
There are those that say , you should not have children when you feel suicidal and i would agree.
However I was very happy and had great hopes that we would have a very long and happy family life together but my world fell apart at a moments notice and there was nothing i could do.
If i ctb ,my boy would be an orphan which would be more than awful ,so i keep fighting and trying to find strength and support where ever i can because my suicidal thoughts have not gone but i try not to let them pull me down but its often still very difficult.
Hugs to you x

 

[color_me_gone]

My heart to both of you, @sadgalgigi and @Lara Francis

 

[Lara Francis]

My heart to both of you, @sadgalgigi and @Lara Francis

Thankyou.xx

 

[Final Escape]

I would guess the younger your kid is the easier it might be on them. Once they are older it might really wreck them. But hopefully your kid has someone besides u to be a primary caregiver. It would be bad if your kid got put into the foster care system, those kids end up being sexually, physically, psychologically abused. The odds are high that they will encounter abuse at one of the foster homes.

 

[sadgalgigi]

There are those that say , you should not have children when you feel suicidal and i would agree.
However I was very happy and had great hopes that we would have a very long and happy family life together but my world fell apart at a moments notice and there was nothing i could do.

Hi Lara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Massive hugs to you for keeping it together for you and your boy.

My daughter was a surprise and due to culture, I was forced to keep her despite knowing I wasn't ready. My life has often been subject to control by family members so it was a situation I felt extremely trapped in. But I absolutely agree that given the vulnerability of my mind and susceptibility to commit suicide even before and after her birth, I should have stood up for myself and said no I can't have the baby.

Fast forward 4 years, here I am still fighting a battle that eats away at me. I'm divorced from my daughter's father who I still maintain a good civil relationship with him he is aware of my plans to ctb and have already informed him that in the event that I take my own life (accident or not) he would take care of her.

I just... she'll be the only person I miss. And although my heart is set on taking my own life, she will be my most difficult goodbye.

 

[sadgalgigi]

I would guess the younger your kid is the easier it might be on them. Once they are older it might really wreck them. But hopefully your kid has someone besides u to be a primary caregiver. It would be bad if your kid got put into the foster care system, those kids end up being sexually, physically, psychologically abused. The odds are high that they will encounter abuse at one of the foster homes.

Yes absolutely, my daughter still has her father so I know she'll be well taken care of after I'm gone.

 

[sadgalgigi]

My heart to both of you, @sadgalgigi and @Lara Francis

Thank you and much love

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi Lara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Massive hugs to you for keeping it together for you and your boy.

My daughter was a surprise and due to culture, I was forced to keep her despite knowing I wasn't ready. My life has often been subject to control by family members so it was a situation I felt extremely trapped in. But I absolutely agree that given the vulnerability of my mind and susceptibility to commit suicide even before and after her birth, I should have stood up for myself and said no I can't have the baby.

Fast forward 4 years, here I am still fighting a battle that eats away at me. I'm divorced from my daughter's father who I still maintain a good civil relationship with him he is aware of my plans to ctb and have already informed him that in the event that I take my own life (accident or not) he would take care of her.

I just... she'll be the only person I miss. And although my heart is set on taking my own life, she will be my most difficult goodbye.

Thanku for the hugs.x
Its very easy in hindsight to say we should have done this or that but you were in a controlling environment doing the best you could in a difficult situation.
Family can be so over rated.!
I hope you find some resolution soon x

 

[Final Escape]

Hi Lara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Massive hugs to you for keeping it together for you and your boy.

My daughter was a surprise and due to culture, I was forced to keep her despite knowing I wasn't ready. My life has often been subject to control by family members so it was a situation I felt extremely trapped in. But I absolutely agree that given the vulnerability of my mind and susceptibility to commit suicide even before and after her birth, I should have stood up for myself and said no I can't have the baby.

Fast forward 4 years, here I am still fighting a battle that eats away at me. I'm divorced from my daughter's father who I still maintain a good civil relationship with him he is aware of my plans to ctb and have already informed him that in the event that I take my own life (accident or not) he would take care of her.

I just... she'll be the only person I miss. And although my heart is set on taking my own life, she will be my most difficult goodbye.

Oh thank god, that your ex is willing to step up. I'm sorry u are going through all this. Hugs!