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GoingSoonish
It is what it is
- Aug 19, 2018
- 126
I wanted to leave it for a while (early to mid next year) so that i could get my affairs in order. I planned a story about migrating overseas so as to mislead some people, i wanted to finish a couple of things that i have been working on for a while, and i wanted to give myself a lot of time to make sure that my method was perfect with as little risk as possible. I also wanted to give myself time to be hedonistic.
It was a great feeling for a long time. I used to worry about the future and get depressed about the prospect of living through to my natural death. Every single day is a struggle for me and the thought of living like this for decades is terrifying. So making the decision lifted a huge burden and my day to day existence became much better (to the extent that i experienced pleasure -- a first for a very long time).
I don't know what happened but now i suddenly can't wait to get it over and done with. Even if it is untidy, i will be too dead to care anyway. I feel irrational for leaving it for a while so as to ensure that everything is tidy and have no motivation to do anything. I don't want to have some sort of hedonistic experience. I only care about making sure that it is done properly without minimal to no risk of failure.
I wrote the above for no reason in particular. Thanks for reading i guess. Are any of you leaving it for a later date? I'm curious about how you find the motivation to do anything at all once you have made a firm decision that you will be going at some point in the near future.
It was a great feeling for a long time. I used to worry about the future and get depressed about the prospect of living through to my natural death. Every single day is a struggle for me and the thought of living like this for decades is terrifying. So making the decision lifted a huge burden and my day to day existence became much better (to the extent that i experienced pleasure -- a first for a very long time).
I don't know what happened but now i suddenly can't wait to get it over and done with. Even if it is untidy, i will be too dead to care anyway. I feel irrational for leaving it for a while so as to ensure that everything is tidy and have no motivation to do anything. I don't want to have some sort of hedonistic experience. I only care about making sure that it is done properly without minimal to no risk of failure.
I wrote the above for no reason in particular. Thanks for reading i guess. Are any of you leaving it for a later date? I'm curious about how you find the motivation to do anything at all once you have made a firm decision that you will be going at some point in the near future.
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