Story Leaving dear ones

[Deathfinally89]

I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I was diagnosed with infectious disease few years ago which led to lot of mood swings and mental instability. I lost interest in life as everyday seemed to be a burden. I have been living alone in different country for work and havent been able to share any of my problems with friends or family. My family is way to religious and would never believe in my state of mind. I am also hesitant to face them and share my feelings. I have been acting as though everything is cool for more than a year. I do want to end this misery once for all but having to say good bye forever to my loving sister and my one and only childhood buddy who i dearly care for is holding me back! I have the necessary stuff(SN with anti drugs) but i am not finding the courage to do it. I am so messed up.

 

[jgm63]

Sorry to hear of your struggles....

 

[one4all]

but i am not finding the courage to do it.

I don't think courage has anything to do with going through with it. Maybe you just don't feel it is the right time for you.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Sorry that must be very rough being so isolated in a foreign country. Do you have any authors maybe who you feel close to? That's what helps me through rough patches since there's no one in real life to relate.

 

[Deathfinally89]

I don't think courage has anything to do with going through with it. Maybe you just don't feel it is the right time for you.

Yes i do feel at times that its not the right time for me.As i had lot of future plans to achieve a lot of things personally and professionally. Some days i feel i can fight through this and there are days i just want to give up and end it.

 

[one4all]

Yes i do feel at times that its not the right time for me.As i had lot of future plans to achieve a lot of things personally and professionally. Some days i feel i can fight through this and there are days i just want to give up and end it.

So there is something you can try to hold onto day by day?

 

[Deathfinally89]

Sorry that must be very rough being so isolated in a foreign country. Do you have any authors maybe who you feel close to? That's what helps me through rough patches since there's no one in real life to relate.

I have thought about going back home but i wont be able to hide my suffering and health struggle with my family so I have continued to stay in foreign country even though i feel really lonely and struggle a lot.
Thank you for the suggestion but i am not into reading books. I was more into outdoor sports which i can't do much now bcoz of my health which adds to my frustration.

So there is something you can try to hold onto day by day?

It depends on way my health responds there are very bad days and some better days. My emotions are influenced by that.

 

[one4all]

It depends on way my health responds there are very bad days and some better days. My emotions are influenced by that.

I can't even begin to know what your thoughts are day by day or what you are going through. There are alot of people here that you can talk with. Maybe get you through the day. All i know is if you are successful in taking your life, there ain't no turning back.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I have thought about going back home but i wont be able to hide my suffering and health struggle with my family so I have continued to stay in foreign country even though i feel really lonely and struggle a lot.
Thank you for the suggestion but i am not into reading books. I was more into outdoor sports which i can't do much now bcoz of my health which adds to my frustration.

Yeah it hurts when the sickness takes away the things you loved most I get that... It's been that way for me with music and writing and way back with lifting (irreversible spinal damage). What sports were you into?

 

[Deathfinally89]

Yeah it hurts when the sickness takes away the things you loved most I get that... It's been that way for me with music and writing and way back with lifting (irreversible spinal damage). What sports were you into?

Sorry to hear that. Badminton and Table tennis. I did go to gym 3 times a week as well i was in a very good shape showing off my abs haha.. Those are the only few good memories i have. Now i look like a bag of bones.