Fehler
...
- Oct 12, 2020
- 455
I thought I was more sure of it, but since I have my "SN kit" it is like the desire has gone, or they have been changed due to cowardice.
This reminded me of a phrase I read in a post ""knowing that there is a way out is sometimes enough to keep pushing through life."" I don't know if this is what is happening to me…
I would have liked to have direct contact with more members of the forum as I am not someone who has had many friends and I find most of the people here charming.
In the last few months, it has been one of the most welcoming places I know and that is why I like to spend my last moments here. I have been mainly reading and "reacting" to the posts of others, I imagine that if I had more fluency with English I would have participated more Although I use a translator many times, it does not indicate what I want to express and perhaps it can lead to a misinterpretation in addition to the fact that I recognize that I am a bit lazy to start translating my texts because they are usually long (as is the case).I have mixed feelings, on the one hand I am at peace of having accepted, in part, all this, but on the other hand I feel bad about leaving now that I had found a cozy place.
Instead of the "48h regim" I will use the "stat dose" from Stan's guide. I tried at 17:00 approx 10mg meto to see if there were any negative effects (I got a bit of a headache after 2h but I can't say it was from the meto)
At 6:00 p.m. I stopped taking food and the idea is to take the SN between 2:00 am-2:30am (Spanish time)
The plan would be:
00:00 No more fluids
01: 00h 600mg Ibuprofen
01: 15h x3 10mg Metoclopramide accord
01: 30h x2 1,5g Almax forte
02: 00h 25g SN + 50ml wáter
(I will mix 3 doses after taking the almax, just in case. As I will be describing the experience, I leave this information in case it works: Age 27, height 174cm and weight 63kg)
I admit that I would like to have a pizza for dinner with a radler and an infusion but at least I have been able to calm my nerves with weed (even though it's making me very hungrier...It had been a long time since my belly cracked so much
).
As I live alone, I am lucky that it will take them to find me (hopefully up to 3-5 days). I really hope this works because the last thing I want is to wake up in a hospital and have to explain everything. In the event that it doesn't work, I promise you that I would come back to explain what happened.
As I said in my previous post "pre-farewell", I'll be sitting in my desk chair next to the pc. I still have to prepare the makeshift bed that I have to put on the floor with blankets, cushions ... etc, in addition to preparing what is necessary to "vomit" under the table (to soundproof the noise and not have to go to the bathroom )
I don't gain anything by waiting another day, but I don't lose it either. I already hate myself enough but the fact of having the possibility to do it and having doubts is making me angrier... I always thought that if I had a gun I would have blown my head off, and now that I have the closest thing I have doubts ... .or is it the survival instinct? Or im just a faker? If I'm like this now, I don't want to imagine how I would be with the glasses prepared in front of me.
Well, I'm going to give it a few more laps, the truth is that I'm quite lazy to prepare everything in the living room. I'm going to take one benzo (23:30h) and another joint.
As I am at least following the steps well (8h fasting, adequate medication, Sn, scale ...), if I end up accepting the facts, I think I could do it...
I don't like "Attention seeking" at all and I don't mean to be, but if I finally decide to do it today, I would let you know. I'm going to take a break to think about it. Between writing and translating it took +1h and it gave me some time to think about something (and a slight headache), but I don't see it clearly. I have 45min to finish mentalizing that is when I would start taking ibuprofen (1am).
Thank you very much to those of you who have read all this and as always, I am sorry for the mistakes that may be in the text. Goodbye everyone, I wish you could be happy, either in life or "taking the bus." How crappy ... I'm crying rereading the text looking for spelling mistakes.
Some admin...If I don't give signals in 24 hours, could you cross out my name, please? I have deleted history and I will have the page open so that it is not saved in the history, I will put an automatic shutdown for the pc at dawn.
This reminded me of a phrase I read in a post ""knowing that there is a way out is sometimes enough to keep pushing through life."" I don't know if this is what is happening to me…
I would have liked to have direct contact with more members of the forum as I am not someone who has had many friends and I find most of the people here charming.
In the last few months, it has been one of the most welcoming places I know and that is why I like to spend my last moments here. I have been mainly reading and "reacting" to the posts of others, I imagine that if I had more fluency with English I would have participated more Although I use a translator many times, it does not indicate what I want to express and perhaps it can lead to a misinterpretation in addition to the fact that I recognize that I am a bit lazy to start translating my texts because they are usually long (as is the case).I have mixed feelings, on the one hand I am at peace of having accepted, in part, all this, but on the other hand I feel bad about leaving now that I had found a cozy place.
Instead of the "48h regim" I will use the "stat dose" from Stan's guide. I tried at 17:00 approx 10mg meto to see if there were any negative effects (I got a bit of a headache after 2h but I can't say it was from the meto)
At 6:00 p.m. I stopped taking food and the idea is to take the SN between 2:00 am-2:30am (Spanish time)
The plan would be:
00:00 No more fluids
01: 00h 600mg Ibuprofen
01: 15h x3 10mg Metoclopramide accord
01: 30h x2 1,5g Almax forte
02: 00h 25g SN + 50ml wáter
(I will mix 3 doses after taking the almax, just in case. As I will be describing the experience, I leave this information in case it works: Age 27, height 174cm and weight 63kg)
I admit that I would like to have a pizza for dinner with a radler and an infusion but at least I have been able to calm my nerves with weed (even though it's making me very hungrier...It had been a long time since my belly cracked so much
).As I live alone, I am lucky that it will take them to find me (hopefully up to 3-5 days). I really hope this works because the last thing I want is to wake up in a hospital and have to explain everything. In the event that it doesn't work, I promise you that I would come back to explain what happened.
As I said in my previous post "pre-farewell", I'll be sitting in my desk chair next to the pc. I still have to prepare the makeshift bed that I have to put on the floor with blankets, cushions ... etc, in addition to preparing what is necessary to "vomit" under the table (to soundproof the noise and not have to go to the bathroom )
I don't gain anything by waiting another day, but I don't lose it either. I already hate myself enough but the fact of having the possibility to do it and having doubts is making me angrier... I always thought that if I had a gun I would have blown my head off, and now that I have the closest thing I have doubts ... .or is it the survival instinct? Or im just a faker? If I'm like this now, I don't want to imagine how I would be with the glasses prepared in front of me.
Well, I'm going to give it a few more laps, the truth is that I'm quite lazy to prepare everything in the living room. I'm going to take one benzo (23:30h) and another joint.
As I am at least following the steps well (8h fasting, adequate medication, Sn, scale ...), if I end up accepting the facts, I think I could do it...
I don't like "Attention seeking" at all and I don't mean to be, but if I finally decide to do it today, I would let you know. I'm going to take a break to think about it. Between writing and translating it took +1h and it gave me some time to think about something (and a slight headache
), but I don't see it clearly. I have 45min to finish mentalizing that is when I would start taking ibuprofen (1am).Thank you very much to those of you who have read all this and as always, I am sorry for the mistakes that may be in the text. Goodbye everyone, I wish you could be happy, either in life or "taking the bus." How crappy ... I'm crying rereading the text looking for spelling mistakes.
Some admin...If I don't give signals in 24 hours, could you cross out my name, please? I have deleted history and I will have the page open so that it is not saved in the history, I will put an automatic shutdown for the pc at dawn.
