Last week my therapist made me promise to never go on this site again

[Soulful]

But here I am. I have finalised my order for a rope. Just to be safe.
I've recently started to develop a friendship. Possibly a mutual crush. This person is very similar to me, but at the same time... different in all the wrong ways. This person reminds me of who I could be if I weren't depressed. Even though he tells me that he cares about me a lot and likes spending time with me, I keep feeling like I'm not worth his time. I keep feeling less-than and worthless in comparison to him. And I see so clearly how much my personal growth has been stumped by this mental illness.
So I told myself, that if this one doesn't work out, I'm gonna ctb. I'm just tired. Tired of my emotional dependence on others compounded by my lacking of social skills. I'm just tired of this emotional pain my own brain causes me with the intrusive thoughts about how worthless in comparison to other people I am. My therapist told me that "we can't help you if you're dead". But thing is, I don't thing you can help me. You can give me tools, but what if my brain is way too damaged, way to traumatised to process feelings like a normal person? Someone also told me that death is not an escape. That having a rope shouldn't make me feel "safer". But why? If this rope can separate me from my brain forever, even by deleting me, then please do.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Ignore your therapist. This site is very comforting.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Don't tell shit to your therapist, always lie. Apart from mental health struggles don't mention anything about CTB or this site

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Therapists are pro - life fucktards and will never understand that sasu is a support forum instead of some creepy death cult forum.

 

[SVEN]

And yet, for many of us here, this Forum is a crutch on which to lean as we limp, damaged and in pain, onward through existence one day at a time.
I've never yet seen anyone advised or counselled to ctb on this site. In fact, I've often seen folk advised to stop and reconsider their choices.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't agree that therapists are that bad, some are. My boyfriend had 2 terrible therapists and 2 great ones afterwards. My own therapist is good as well. I think going to therapy to lie makes no sense, if you want to go there to lie then might as well just flush money down the drain as it is the same thing.

This website can be comforting, I think it is, maybe your therapist needs to understand that. I hope this chance works out for you, it is so tiring to live like this

 

[Viranamari]

Personally, I would ignore my therapist. Not all therapists are bad there are some( very rare) out there who are good. Most therapists would only want you alive for their job income. They wouldn't really care about whether you live or die if it didn't affect their income. In the end, it's up to you whether you wish to visit this website. I agree with what you say and I wish things get better for you.