Last Prepping Before CTB

[Rue89]

I'm hoping to ctb this upcoming week, I don't know what day yet. If I do, it will be at the park early morning as planned before. I've been doing a few things to prepare more for it. I've been waking up early to get more used that time so I'm not so tired the day I ctb. I also put my ibuprofen and domperidone in my bedstand drawer and will put a water bottle by my bed so that if my mom is awake again I won't have to get out of bed to get them.(last time they were in my closet) She'll definitely hear me if I get up cause my floor creaks a lot.

I typed up a note on my iPad that I'll bring with me. It's a little bit of both a plea to anyone who might by a very slight chance find me too soon to not call for help and my last word to all the prolifers - police, etc who may see it. There's a couple reasons why I'm using my iPad instead of writing a note. The main reason is that my handwriting sucks and I want it to be as bold and easy to read as possible. I kept it short and didn't say all that I wanted to say. I think I might make another note and get all my thoughts out. I'm sure they'll look through everything on my iPad so they'll find it. I'm just so angry at all the prolifers and want to get my last say in. Not that it will make any difference or change anyone's opinions, but it's still satisfying knowing that some people will read it, and it just feels good to vent.

I'm also working on making a playlist of all my favorite songs to listen to before and maybe while I ctb. I still have my "Goodbye" playlist that I made a while ago. That's more for my family. I'll have that up on my iPod screen so it's seen, although that device will probably also be searched through too. I've already deleted anything I don't want seen on my devices.

I might go through my room and clean up a bit, get rid of some stuff, but I can't do too much or it might look suspicious. So I'm not sure if I should bother with it. I'm trying to think if there's anything else I should try to get done. I don't know, maybe these things sound stupid, but I just feel like I should do them.

 

[KUA]

I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

Hey, im a pokemon as well!

 

[wonderworld]

peace be with you xx

 

[Soul]

If you feel you should do these things, they're not stupid. I wish you the right outcomes of your choices, @rue89. You know I want you to stay but the choices are yours (((hug)))

 

[Deleted member 19654]

They're not stupid at all. Whatever helps you feel more at peace. Do everything you feel you need to do. You don't want to come back as a ghost because of some unfinished business

 

[Living sucks]

Secretly I wish you'd try life on your own first for a few years before ctb only because it can change how you view yourself sometimes. But the choice is only yours.

 

[rhiino]

Secretly I wish you'd ...

I guess you failed at that one, though.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Whatever happens I hope you don't suffer and find peace of mind

 

[Isadeth]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for!

As someone that didn't recieve a note, a handwritten note can mean more than you'll ever know to your parents. Just know they might not get your iPad back for at least 3 months, depending on protocol, and they might not ever get to see it. Again, protocol. So maybe a "backup" written note hidden that they'll find. But that's entirely your choice.

I agree with Living Sucks to get out on your own first before making any final decisions, but again, that's entirely your choice.

I also think you should say everything you want to say to just get it out. But I'm very detailed with my notes/cards/recordable books.

Remember if you don't go through with it you're always able to come back here ♡

Peaceful journey, my friend. Xx

 

[Greenberg]

I'm hoping to ctb this upcoming week, I don't know what day yet. If I do, it will be at the park early morning as planned before. I've been doing a few things to prepare more for it. I've been waking up early to get more used that time so I'm not so tired the day I ctb. I also put my ibuprofen and domperidone in my bedstand drawer and will put a water bottle by my bed so that if my mom is awake again I won't have to get out of bed to get them.(last time they were in my closet) She'll definitely hear me if I get up cause my floor creaks a lot.

I typed up a note on my iPad that I'll bring with me. It's a little bit of both a plea to anyone who might by a very slight chance find me too soon to not call for help and my last word to all the prolifers - police, etc who may see it. There's a couple reasons why I'm using my iPad instead of writing a note. The main reason is that my handwriting sucks and I want it to be as bold and easy to read as possible. I kept it short and didn't say all that I wanted to say. I think I might make another note and get all my thoughts out. I'm sure they'll look through everything on my iPad so they'll find it. I'm just so angry at all the prolifers and want to get my last say in. Not that it will make any difference or change anyone's opinions, but it's still satisfying knowing that some people will read it, and it just feels good to vent.

I'm also working on making a playlist of all my favorite songs to listen to before and maybe while I ctb. I still have my "Goodbye" playlist that I made a while ago. That's more for my family. I'll have that up on my iPod screen so it's seen, although that device will probably also be searched through too. I've already deleted anything I don't want seen on my devices.

I might go through my room and clean up a bit, get rid of some stuff, but I can't do too much or it might look suspicious. So I'm not sure if I should bother with it. I'm trying to think if there's anything else I should try to get done. I don't know, maybe these things sound stupid, but I just feel like I should do them.

When you are ready, I hope you are successful and find the peace that you seek!

 

[Rue89]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for!

As someone that didn't recieve a note, a handwritten note can mean more than you'll ever know to your parents. Just know they might not get your iPad back for at least 3 months, depending on protocol, and they might not ever get to see it. Again, protocol. So maybe a "backup" written note hidden that they'll find. But that's entirely your choice.

I agree with Living Sucks to get out on your own first before making any final decisions, but again, that's entirely your choice.

I also think you should say everything you want to say to just get it out. But I'm very detailed with my notes/cards/recordable books.

Remember if you don't go through with it you're always able to come back here ♡

Peaceful journey, my friend. Xx

I handwrote and enveloped separate notes for my mom and dad. I'm going to put them somewhere in my bedroom and hope my mom finds them before the police do. The notes on the iPad are just for "everyone" in general, basically any prolifers who read it. I know there's a chance that my family won't get my iPad back and a part of me kind of hopes they don't, at least for a while.

 

[Rue89]

Secretly I wish you'd try life on your own first for a few years before ctb only because it can change how you view yourself sometimes. But the choice is only yours.

Unfortunately I don't think I'll be ready to live on my own for a while, probably years. Maybe it would somewhat change how I view myself, but it won't change my anxiety. It won't make it better. At this point I don't think anything will. I've changed situations before thinking it would help, like leaving a very stressful job. It did nothing and things only continued to get worse. If I'm not able to go through with ctb again then maybe it is time to rethink things, but I really believe I would've done it last time if circumstances hadn't prevented me from even being able to try.