TowerUpright
Disillusioned
- May 26, 2019
- 602
Ive been doing pretty well lately with my desire to CTB. Not perfect, but I started to see a trend upwards. And then crap like this happens.
I was engaged in a conversion with my spouse in our den about something important with the family. Then, my youngest daughter ( who is about 9) comes in, interrupting the conversation about a dog she saw being walked and how it looked funny. My spouse stopped our conversation and spoke for about 3 minutes with her about dogs. The my only son walks (who is 15) asking about a raise in allowance and how he deserves more. My spouse talks to him at length about it. The whole time, I physical cannot speak. I was raised in a house where you never interrupted people, especially adults in conversation. Then, after quite a while, with me standing speechless, the conversation ends and my spouse continues to work, which is what I was doing before starting my conversation. After a minute, it was, "Oh, that's right, you were saying something. What was it?" (I'm paraphrasing)
My desire to CTB went through the roof, and I was desperately trying to think of a time I could be isolated for 4 hours.
WTF is wrong with me, that being pushed aside in conversation makes my self-harm instinct shoot through the roof? Does this type of thing happened to others when you're interrupted or people act like you don't exist?? I suppose I'm acting unreasonable to some. Some stories I've heard here and other with friends make something like this seem so petty. And I just don't know how to handle this.
I was engaged in a conversion with my spouse in our den about something important with the family. Then, my youngest daughter ( who is about 9) comes in, interrupting the conversation about a dog she saw being walked and how it looked funny. My spouse stopped our conversation and spoke for about 3 minutes with her about dogs. The my only son walks (who is 15) asking about a raise in allowance and how he deserves more. My spouse talks to him at length about it. The whole time, I physical cannot speak. I was raised in a house where you never interrupted people, especially adults in conversation. Then, after quite a while, with me standing speechless, the conversation ends and my spouse continues to work, which is what I was doing before starting my conversation. After a minute, it was, "Oh, that's right, you were saying something. What was it?" (I'm paraphrasing)
My desire to CTB went through the roof, and I was desperately trying to think of a time I could be isolated for 4 hours.
WTF is wrong with me, that being pushed aside in conversation makes my self-harm instinct shoot through the roof? Does this type of thing happened to others when you're interrupted or people act like you don't exist?? I suppose I'm acting unreasonable to some. Some stories I've heard here and other with friends make something like this seem so petty. And I just don't know how to handle this.