I don't think I've ever had a real friend irl. I've had chances to get to know people but my social anxiety and paranoia always gets in the way. I've kinda just accepted I'll probably be mainly alone for the rest of my life. Honestly as scary and sad as that sounds i'm kinda at peace with it. I've already weighed the pros and cons in my situation.
But I think I'd go crazy if I didn't chat with someone online every now and then. Even if its a total stranger. Although I don't like talking about myself much I do like to talk about my fav shows,movies,or whatever I'm interested in.
Yep, that's pretty much where I'm at as well. I had opportunities for IRL friendships when I was a kid, but I bailed out of all of them due to anxiety. However, I actually had no problems with loneliness for most of my life, until about 5 years ago where it suddenly started to ravage me for the first time and it hasn't let up since. Nowadays, although I'm not really at peace with it fully, I have to accept that I simply can't form attachments/relationships to other human beings which, as a consequence, will leave me alone for the rest of my life.
In my case, I'm just glad that, despite everything else, I still have my mom to confide in, bounce my thoughts off of, and to have deep conversations with. There are a lot of days where it doesn't feel like enough to fill the void for me, but I'd be way off the deep end if she weren't there to talk to, or weren't as understanding/insightful as she is. I can be perfectly candid in what I'm feeling or thinking (even when it comes to the darkest shit) and, unlike most mothers out there I'd assume, mine really understands.
Which sucks in a way because she also struggles with a sense of depression of her own, which partly explains why she gets me so well. Still, pretty much any abstract topic I can think of is something I can discuss in depth with her and for it to, usually, lead to a pretty stimulating back and forth conversation. The only thing I really can't talk with her about are what remains of my more hobby-like interests, such as film/TV watching or video games. That's where this site can be helpful, but even then it can be tough to find someone to talk about specific things with.
