Venting Lack of motivation.

[Forever Sleep]

Most things I'm faced with that I need to do, I get that familiar spoilt child response that 'I don't want to.' I don't want to tidy the house. I don't want to do the washing up. I don't want to clean or cook. I don't want to do my work or fulfil any social obligations. I don't want to exercise. I don't even know if I want to want anything anymore. If that makes sense? I don't even know that I want my sense of motivation back because, that still means I need to do these things! Surely that means I want death most of all- right?

I think there is that whole saying that we don't actually want death. We just want the 'pain' to stop. It isn't exactly pain in my case (thankfully.) It's more maybe that I want the nature of life to be different. But, it won't be. So- what other solution is there?

Maybe I do want to rest but then, practically speaking, I can't rest forever. Well, I can. That's why suicide feels so appealing. All I have now to motivate myself is the knowlege that I at least don't want things to get worse. That usually eventually does the trick but, it's like trying to get blood out of a stone.

I'm not 100% convinced it is depression or anhedonia causing all this. Would I be able to function at all with them? Truly, how do people make themselves do all this shit? I don't think I've ever been all that great with it to be fair- definitely not with domestic chores. But, I've gradually got worse. Maybe as I've felt less and less of a sense of obligation to bother. It's only me who has to put up with the mess. Urghhhhh. Moan overwith. I better try to make a start at least...

 

[Pluto]

 

[GlassMoon]

I think there is that whole saying that we don't actually want death. We just want the 'pain' to stop. It isn't exactly pain in my case (thankfully.) It's more maybe that I want the nature of life to be different. But, it won't be. So- what other solution is there?

Yes, we want the pain to stop, I guess. And if it is something you don't believe you can change, the thought of removing oneself from the situation comes to mind. To me, it feels like your 'pain' is the way that life turned out to be for you. Do you know what you are longing for in life to be different, or is it a general feeling?

I'm not 100% convinced it is depression or anhedonia causing all this. Would I be able to function at all with them? Truly, how do people make themselves do all this shit? I don't think I've ever been all that great with it to be fair- definitely not with domestic chores. But, I've gradually got worse. Maybe as I've felt less and less of a sense of obligation to bother. It's only me who has to put up with the mess. Urghhhhh. Moan overwith. I better try to make a start at least...

Yes, you can function very well with depression, but as you said, you'd only be functioning and not living... I functioned very well with it, and did not even truly sense the needs that I had...

I've never been great with domestic chores, either. I'm more of a do-it-once-and-for-all kind of person. Put up a new bed, that's fun and a feeling of progress. Chores are repetitive, yuck.

 

[Darkover]

I think there is that whole saying that we don't actually want death. We just want the 'pain' to stop. It isn't exactly pain in my case (thankfully.) It's more maybe that I want the nature of life to be different. But, it won't be. So- what other solution is there?

i want the nature of life to be different too such as not getting addicted to things like cigarettes or food for instance or at least being able to just stop the addiction by choosing to without any cravings or withdrawals

Most things I'm faced with that I need to do, I get that familiar spoilt child response that 'I don't want to.' I don't want to tidy the house. I don't want to do the washing up. I don't want to clean or cook. I don't want to do my work or fulfil any social obligations. I don't want to exercise. I don't even know if I want to want anything anymore. If that makes sense? I don't even know that I want my sense of motivation back because, that still means I need to do these things! Surely that means I want death most of all- right?

i don't like cleaning up or washing pots or even cooking or taking care of my hygiene so i neglect these things i've basically got a cupboard full of dirty pots and only use one plate all the time washing it when needed

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, we want the pain to stop, I guess. And if it is something you don't believe you can change, the thought of removing oneself from the situation comes to mind. To me, it feels like your 'pain' is the way that life turned out to be for you. Do you know what you are longing for in life to be different, or is it a general feeling?


Yes, you can function very well with depression, but as you said, you'd only be functioning and not living... I functioned very well with it, and did not even truly sense the needs that I had...

I've never been great with domestic chores, either. I'm more of a do-it-once-and-for-all kind of person. Put up a new bed, that's fun and a feeling of progress. Chores are repetitive, yuck.

I'm exactly this. I hate having to do things repetitively.

I worked hard to get life the way I wanted it and, I'm still sick of it all to be honest! It's more that I feel I've got it as good as it's going to get and I'm still dissatisfied.

In terms of how I'd like life to be: I suppose it's that I'd like us all to be paid a reasonable wage for pursuing things we get fulfilment from. Doesn't seem like all that much to ask but- it is. I get the sense very few people end up doing what they really want. I've been more lucky in that I've been able too but, I have to work so hard to sustain it. It's a very precarious job too. You just have to accept that. But, I don't really want to. I don't even massively want to do it anymore. It's more that it's better than doing other things (in my experience.) So, it all really just feels like the lesser of the evils- if that makes sense? Which is shit motivation to keep living!

Maybe friendships/ relationships would have made more of a difference but, I don't trust friendship all that much. It hurts when you start to rely on someone and they go. I can't be bothered to make the effort on either now.

The rest of life is just non stop chores which, you either do or just let everything fall apart and make matters worse for yourself. So yeah. Sorry for moaning! It's more just an immense dissatisfaction with all the stuff we have to do in life I suppose.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I wholeheartedly relate. These sentences in particular, reflect exactly what I feel:

I don't want to tidy the house. I don't want to do the washing up. I don't want to clean or cook. I don't want to do my work or fulfil any social obligations. I don't want to exercise. I don't even know if I want to want anything anymore.

It's more maybe that I want the nature of life to be different. But, it won't be. So- what other solution is there?

I hate having to do things repetitively.

I worked hard to get life the way I wanted it and, I'm still sick of it all to be honest! It's more that I feel I've got it as good as it's going to get and I'm still dissatisfied.

I feel so much apathy towards everything. House chores feel like an endless pointless battle against dirtiness. You clean something today, it will get dirty again, so you clean it again, and it gets dirty again, and repeats forever and ever...
However, if I don't do it, I feel worse for living in the midst of dirtiness. I know my mood takes a bigger plunge when things are dirty and it's even harder to clean them at that point so there's no other choice.

I really think something is wrong with my brain as this doesn't seem to affect healthy people in nearly the same way and I remember, almost 20 years ago, doing chores and feel good about it. The more life goes on, the more I feel like having spent years taking psych meds during my development years irreversibly damaged my brain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wholeheartedly relate. These sentences in particular, reflect exactly what I feel:



I feel so much apathy towards everything. House chores feel like an endless pointless battle against dirtiness. You clean something today, it will get dirty again, so you clean it again, and it gets dirty again, and repeats forever and ever...
However, if I don't do it, I feel worse for living in the midst of dirtiness. I know my mood takes a bigger plunge when things are dirty and it's even harder to clean them at that point so there's no other choice.

I really think something is wrong with my brain as this doesn't seem to affect healthy people in nearly the same way and I remember, almost 20 years ago, doing chores and feel good about it. The more life goes on, the more I feel like having spent years taking psych meds during my development years irreversibly damaged my brain.

Thanks so much for your response. Actually, I thought of you in part when I wrote it. I read your thread in 'Recovery' the other day about training yourself. That's really clever. I considered it but I think I'm too naughty to be that disciplined. I've done hardly anything and I'm already stalling.

I do wonder what it is too. It's like a mental block almost. It's weird because, I can get myself to work- usually and, that can be both monotonous and exhausting. I guess I have the potential to fail there though. The only time I do feel panicked into motivation is when I know someone else will see the mess. The gas man etc.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Thanks so much for your response. Actually, I thought of you in part when I wrote it. I read your thread in 'Recovery' the other day about training yourself. That's really clever. I considered it but I think I'm too naughty to be that disciplined. I've done hardly anything and I'm already stalling.

I do wonder what it is too. It's like a mental block almost. It's weird because, I can get myself to work- usually and, that can be both monotonous and exhausting. I guess I have the potential to fail there though. The only time I do feel panicked into motivation is when I know someone else will see the mess. The gas man etc.

I feel flattered that you thought of me! It is a mental block yes and don't worry because I'm not as disciplined as I may seem. These several days I've been doing a ton of chores simply because the house really needed cleaning and the house inspection today put a time limit on that cleaning. Most of the time if I need to do something, I need to find the courage to start it without allowing my brain to think because if I think, even if just for a second, I won't do it and even so...it's hard.

If I know someone will be coming, that's when I do things because the embarrassment I'd feel for strangers to see the house is a mess is greater than my demotivation to clean.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel flattered that you thought of me! It is a mental block yes and don't worry because I'm not as disciplined as I may seem. These several days I've been doing a ton of chores simply because the house really needed cleaning and the house inspection today put a time limit on that cleaning. Most of the time if I need to do something, I need to find the courage to start it without allowing my brain to think because if I think, even if just for a second, I won't do it and even so...it's hard.

If I know someone will be coming, that's when I do things because the embarrassment I'd feel for strangers to see the house is a mess is greater than my demotivation to clean.

We are kindred spirits in our mutual detestment of domisticity. Right, back on with it for me... Good luck with your house inspection.

 

[divinemistress36]

One of the reasons I feel suicidal is because I cant handle all the basic tasks humans do. Im exhausted after basic cleaning and organizing stuff is to overwhelming. Executive dysfunction. People are able to work, do chores, and still go out and have fun, it seems so foreign to me