Lack of kindness

[Starrywaters]

I hope I'm posting this in the right area of the forum - it's my first posting so please let me know if not.

It struck me today how I have been pretty depressed for some 11 years and in that time I have been so very unkind to myself. If my friends could hear the way I treat myself in my own mind.. the way I just at the very bottom of it all wish I could change everything about me.. they would be shocked.

We wouldn't speak to others the way we speak to ourselves privately.. so why do we do it? Is there anybody who has managed to treat themselves a little bit more kindly throughout all of this?

I wish I could be happier with myself.

 

[Despondent]

I never used to admit how low I felt about myself when I was younger and now I realize I do have poor self-esteem. I agree we wouldn't speak to others the way we speak to ourselves. I hate myself and I disgust myself.

 

[Shero]

Sometimes the way we treat ourselves derives from how we were treated by our caregivers.
You can treat yourself more kindly, its possible, but sometimes its way more convoluted than you think. Manually trying to change the train of thought is really hard. Thats why you need someone from a outside perspective (like a psychologist) to break that vicious cycle. The combination is the key.
I explained it very plain, you need alot more than that, but i truely believe that this two are the most important aspects to start change the way you think.

 

[Starrywaters]

Sometimes the way we treat ourselves derives from how we were treated by our caregivers.
You can treat yourself more kindly, its possible, but sometimes its way more convoluted than you think. Manually trying to change the train of thought is really hard. Thats why you need someone from a outside perspective (like a psychologist) to break that vicious cycle. The combination is the key.
I explained it very plain, you need alot more than that, but i truely believe that this two are the most important aspects to start change the way you think.

That's pretty interesting. I would say that my parents and primary caregivers were pretty decent; they were not physically abusive, I had lots of nice things etc but my mother has forever been critical of me for the silliest of things and I do often recite those same expectations to myself even now.

 

[Shero]

That's pretty interesting. I would say that my parents and primary caregivers were pretty decent; they were not physically abusive, I had lots of nice things etc but my mother has forever been critical of me for the silliest of things and I do often recite those same expectations to myself even now.

I understand, but being taking care of materialistically and not getting physically abused doesn't exclude the emotional debilitation you could have endured.
Your mother being overly critical would be one of those things. Still having those pressure to reach certain expectations is draining, don't underestimate it! Im sure you don't, i just like to state it for future readers as well. We sometimes think our circumstances growing up are fairly normal, but as kids we don't always have the comparison or knowledge to understand whats healthy. Maybe I speak hyperbolically, but I hope that it helped either way.